Think before you SPEAK!!!

EKRIUQ

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we would
not live forever, because if we were supposed to live
forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot
live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd
love to be skinny like that, but not with all those
flies and death and stuff."
- Mariah Carey

"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces
some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana.
The researchers also discovered other similarities
between the two, but can't remember what they are."
- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to
comply with the law."
- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life."

- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part
of my body."
- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
lowest crime rates in the country."
- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through
our papers. We are the president."
- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
- Former French President Charles De Gaulle

"That low down scoundrel deserves to be kicked to
death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
- A congressional candidate in Texas

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great
country away from them. There were great numbers of
people who needed new land, and the Indians were
selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."
- John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
- Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.
It's the impurities in our air and water that are
doing it."
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

"Without censorship, things can get terribly confused
in the public mind."
- General William Westmoreland

"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and
butter will be cut right out from under your feet."
- Former British foreign minister Ernest Bevin

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

"The private enterprise system indicates that some
people have higher incomes than others."
-Gerry Brown

"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could
go one way or another."
-George Bush, US President

"I have opinions of my own-strong opinions-but I
don't always agree with them."
-George Bush, US President

"Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with
either hand."
-Duffy Daugherty, football coach and sports analyst

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean
air do we need?"
-Lee Iacocca

"Please provide the date of your death."
-from an IRS letter

"I was provided with additional input that was
radically different from the truth. I assisted in
furthering that version."
-Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony

"We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has
been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is
taking a short holiday to recover."
-Parish Magazine

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all
season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
-Bill Peterson, football coach

"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a
state that is by itself. It is different from the
other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but
it's got a particularly unique situation."
-Dan Quayle, US VP

"Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it."
-Mike Smith, Baseball pitcher, ordering a salad at a restaurant

"We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to
distribute poverty equally."
-Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football.
A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst

"I've read about foreign policy and studied-I
know the number of continents."
-George Wallace, 1968 presidential campaign

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of people."
-Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
-Dan Quayle

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
-Dan Quayle

"The road of good intentions is paved with Hell."
-Spencer Ante

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
-Keppel Enderbery

"The loss of life will be irreplaceable."
-Dan Quayle

"The people in the Navy look on motherhood as being
compatible with being a woman."
-Rear Admiral James R. Hogg

"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in
which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a
defective in the police force. We meant, of
course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police
farce."
-Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor
their heart throughout the night. And the next
morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
-Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman




And last of all


"Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly."
-Batman Costume warning label