Self esteem issues and depression..... Anybody got any tips for raising self esteem??

LegacyUser

So here goes,

I am a fun loving bit of banter kind of guy, I go out, get sdrunk have the craic and spend a lot of my time in bull****ty relationships with women that it wont work with.... I seem to constantly get invloved in things that I know cant work, cos the girl has a boyfriend already. I think it is my safety net, in a weird way........

I dont work particularly hard, however I have a good job and when I put my mind to it I am good at it and excel,

I get lonely, but I have heaps of friends and mates that I can call at the drop of a hat and talk about anything with, but I am a deeply unhappy person at times. I have just bought and moved into a magnificent new house, but I dont really care about it, I wonder at times what is going on in my head,

I constantly feel the need for approval, and if I am with a girl that I dont think other people will think is gorgeous I feel almost ashamed, it is a horrible way to be and I need to change this, I know it stems from insecurity and self esteem but I want to know how to fix it,

Has anybody been in a situation like this??

PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!

barbiegirl

Write a list of what you think would make you happy, then start with the easiest one to achieve and start working your way through. Remember it's not all material things.
You do sound depressed so a visit to your GP and visiting a councellor would be advised. Plenty of exercise and a good diet can really help lift the fog.
You say you have good mates, is there one in particular you can really talk to, or if not a sister or brother or something. I know if one of my kid brothers felt like this I'd want to know and help.
By the way what age are you, as, as you get older the need to please others gets less and less. I'm 33 this year and believe me compared to 23 I just don't care and I'm much happier.

LegacyUser

Hey thanks so much for that,

I am 25, and I do lots of exercis at the moment but I completely agree with you it makes a hugwe difference. That list idea sounds class.... I might try that and write a few things down for it, eg: follow a recipe and make an unusual dinner :-)

I dont want to go to a counsellor, I have been and they are great, but its my problems and I need to do it myslef, thanks so much for the help though, it really makes a difference!!

JuliusCaesar

Try reading this:

http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx

Seligmann is a very reputable psychologist

raemie21

hey rextar, a lot of what you say sounds familiar and think we all have periods in our life when things just aren't as good as they should be or we feel that we should be happier. yeah maybe it would be good to set yourself goals that are in a different domain e.g. for me i know now that no matter how much praise i get about my work, i won't really accept it. And same about relationships, i know at the moment that I'm not just available for one and rather than being annoyed at myself for that and feeling i 'should' be, i say that it's ok to take time out for myself. Last year, i travelled alone in Europe for five weeks - was scared at times but had a blast & genuinely very happy with myself! This year, I'm doing the London Marathon and i know that it's something I will be proud of myself for. So without pushing yourself way too far, think what the previous poster said was good - it might be hard but think of things that you would like to achieve and that you think you would be proud of, and then start doing it one-by-one. The happiness needs to come from yourself - cheesey but true!!

Teddi

wow,ok you just described me like how I was 2 years ago..

it all comes down to your own issues and by the sounds of it are hiding deep inside you .You are aware of them but are not a huge problem for you, or so you think?

Im taking this from the way I am , and the exact tell-tale signs that we have exact similarities with. By the sounds of it, you do have self-esteem issues and a lack of confidence that you cover up with false confidence to blind the people on the outside in thinking how you really are? does that make sense?

Your almost afraid to let your guard down incase people will judge you? Maybe theres a bit of an ego chucked in there too? I dont mean to sound offensive but theres no point in beating around the bush with it, As I'm mentioning the kind of person I used to be.

The only thing that I can say is that the way you think is pretty skewed and its a matter of realising what is really important in your life and focus on it, feeling ashamed about a not so attractive girlfriend indicates a materialistic view on on things, that sort of attitude will carry you onto other aspects of your life and skew them also.

Im sure your a lovely lad and by posting here your aware that things arent completely right with yourself but id just advise evaluatiing what is most important with you a the moment and stop trying to make everyone happy. This is something I thrived on a few years ago and its only when you get older do you realise what a waste of time that is ...

hope things work out for you mate

Teddi

jdivision

barbiegirl wrote: »

You do sound depressed so a visit to your GP and visiting a councellor would be advised. .

I disagree with this entirely. You sound melancholy, not depressed. I think the list thing is a good idea. Doing something away from the norm might help too as others suggest

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

thanks everyone for that I really appreciate it,

Teddi I reckon your on the money there mate, I have a pretty big ego, most of which is built up in my own head thinking I am better than I actually am, and the amount opf bravado I throw around is ridiculous, where the reality of it is that I am a chicken,

Scared of my own inabilities and my lack of drive to do anything about them.... Its hard, but I am changing my focus,

I have one last bull**** relationship that I am trying to bring to a close and then I am done there, I am gonna be on my own and enjoy it, chill out and do some stuff I feel proud of.....

My new approach is to try do things that make me feel like I am proud of the way I handled it and the effort I put in,

What does everyone think of that??

ashy28

I had troubles with depression when I was younger, until one day I woke up to myself & thought that I refuse to be like that anymore. I looked at the things in my life that I felt could be improved & worked towards improving them. Happiness does not always come easy & sometimes you have to work at it. Look at filling your life with other things that you enjoy & are good at (besides work). Self confindence comes from you & only you know how to improve it. You cannot change who you are, try excepting that & working towards improving that. You will find that the more confident you are about yourself the more that other peoples opinions wont matter to you as much. Be true to yourself.