Stressed!

LegacyUser

Hey guys, first time posting here and feel a little awkward.

Here's the deal. About five years ago, a family member began experiencing severe depression. It was a difficult time for everyone - actually, it very nearly tore my family apart. There was so much tension, looking back on it now kinda freaks me out, and I'm amazed we've all come through it. I'm happy to say that there hasn't been an incident in well over a year now, and things are approaching normality.

However, I'm beginning to wonder now if such an episode could have had a more long-term detrimental effect upon me (or my 'psyche', I suppose?) I remember at the time just trying to get through one day at a time, trying to reconcile things (and reconcile with things) as they happened. I should probably again stress the fact that the whole depression incident brought an awful lot of conflict and violence into my life at an already stressful time - those awful teenage years! I can't really remember the amount fo times I found myself crying, worrying, trying to get through school withotu freaking out about what was going on at home - sorry if I'm coming across as self-pitying, I know alot of people have it bad, but I'm just trying to accurately portray the scale of events.

Now everything is grand, there's no mention of what happened, family are pretty much a snormal as any family. There has been no effort to address what happened, and there was very little by way of closure. I'm not sure if this is because we've all been prepared to fput the past behind us, or whether we're all too wary of dragging up the past. perhaps a little of both.

My problem and question relates to how I feel now as a person. The whole incident that i described above may (OR MAY NOT) have brought about certain flaws that I regularly see in myself.

For example, I lost touch with alot of close friends. I used to be evry easy going and relaxed, but now people tend to wear me down and I'm much more reliant on the few friends that I do have. I am also massively concerned for the well-being of my parents in terms of their physical health. Sometimes I think about them passing away and it makes me cry (bloke here by the way, not the most manly of things to do!). I don't like leaving my house and I don't sleep well in other peoples houses - on a night out, I wont ever crash in a friends, getting home to my own house becomes of paramount importance. Sometimes a random TV progam will make me cry almost instantly and I can't explain why. I get very easily frustrated by day to day things and find it hard to get excited about my hobbies.

I don't know which of these thigns, if any, are attributable to the events I described in the earlier paragraphs. Bottom line is, do you think that a stressful period in your life can sunconsciously change your persona? Even if you thought you'd dealt with the stress when it first happened?


Sorry this was so long!

Dizzyblonde

I believe we're shaped by everything that happens in our lives - good and bad. The fact that you still think about that period in your life a lot, and feel you're not living life the way you'd like, means that you might have a problem. The best thing to do is have a chat with your GP and maybe seek a referral to a counsellor, to help you make sense of things and move forward.
Good luck.

LegacyUser

Help?? wrote: »

For example, I lost touch with alot of close friends. I used to be evry easy going and relaxed, but now people tend to wear me down and I'm much more reliant on the few friends that I do have. I am also massively concerned for the well-being of my parents in terms of their physical health. Sometimes I think about them passing away and it makes me cry (bloke here by the way, not the most manly of things to do!). I don't like leaving my house and I don't sleep well in other peoples houses - on a night out, I wont ever crash in a friends, getting home to my own house becomes of paramount importance. Sometimes a random TV progam will make me cry almost instantly and I can't explain why. I get very easily frustrated by day to day things and find it hard to get excited about my hobbies.

. Bottom line is, do you think that a stressful period in your life can sunconsciously change your persona?

well, yes, we are shaped by events in our lives and our reactions to them.

I'm wondering if you aren't a bit depressed yourself? eg finding people hard work, over-concern with others, over sensitivity to second-hand emotions. I does sound like everything was swept under the carpet. Secondly, we function during times of stress because it's necessary to carry on & sometimes it's only afterwards that we feel the full weight of what we went through.

So I'd second going to a counsellor. The main thing is you are thinking and trying to make sense of things. Good luck.

St Bill

As Dizzyblonde said, good and bad things happen and these things shape your life for better or worse, (better or worse depending on the person).
I think the fact that you're relying on a few close friends after such a traumatic event is par for the course. Some of your other friends mightn't have been there for you when you needed them most (nothing wrong with that either, they might have had their own worries to contend with).
And as for worrying about your parents passing away, I think every son and daughter goes through that worry at some stage. The idea that your foundation could be taken away is a very scary thought. But there's no point in worrying about something that hasn't happened, easier said than done I know, but it's true. God knows, life will give us all plenty to worry about when it chooses (*shakes fist at life* ).
I hope you find someone you can trust to talk to about all this, it sounds as if adrenalin kept you going and now that that time has passed, you're trying to deal with how it affected you. You talk about your close friends, would it be possible to talk to them first? Just to get the words out into the open.