Depression Worry

UnregGirl

I've had a recent run of non stop health problems since I became pregnant a year and a half ago. Since it all became too much for me after the baby was born, I'm now on anti depressants and I'm seeing a counsellor, both things are helping me get my life, and head, back on track.

However I have to have a repeat operation in the coming weeks, which if it's anything like the last one, will leave me on my back for the best part of a month, in a lot of pain, and i won't be fully healed for a number of months after that.

I've just about healed up from the last op, and here I am facing it again. But the pain, discomfort, and inconvenience I can deal with, it's the fact that being so isolated, (i'm already lonely enough being on maternity leave), and the fact that I won't be able to take care of my son, left me in a terrible state the last time, and I'm really scared of falling back into the awful mindset I was in before.

I'm not sure what advice or solutions I am looking for here, but I suppose it just feels good to voice my worries etc, and find some support. I do have a fantastic loving husband, and our families and friends are brilliant, mostly, but sometime 'taking the baby away so you can get the rest you need' just ends up making me feel a hell of a lot worse. But the thing is, I'll be confined to my bed so there's not a lot else they can do for me.

Thanks for reading, and any support would be much appreciated.

JuliusCaesar

You really have been through a lot. I guess your counsellor has pointed out that guilt-tripping yourself makes you worse. If you didn't have the op, would you be a better mother?

Be grateful for your husband, family and friends - many single mothers do not have such support to call on - and remember: it takes a village to raise a child.

Your son may be benefiting from interacting with the wider family. You clearly love him to bits. Don't guilt yourself about it. Your op will be better for you, and that'll make you a better mother. Count your blessings on a daily basis.

Hope that helps.

b3t4

UnregGirl wrote: »

i'm already lonely enough being on maternity leave

Have you told people this? I'm absolutely positively certain that your family and friends would be more than happy to find a situation that meant you didn't have to feel so lonely.

You've been through a tough time and it will be tough again in the future but it will get better. Never forget that.
A

Nevyn

Nothing worse then looking back down into the chasm you just crawled of to figure out you may just be send spinning back down to the bottom.

The thing is that you know that it might happen so you can look at shoring up your defenses and if it does happen you know the way out, back to where you want to be.

If a person has had depression it can feel like it is just looming waiting to suck you back in, don't let it shadow your life now that you have gotten out from under that cloud.

Yes you are going to face some tough times head but they will pass and you will be on the mend an hopefully able to enjoy the rest of your life and watch your child growning up and be there for him as you clearly want to be.

Have you tried any of the parent any baby groups that might be near by you ?

geminilady

Dont feel down on yourself, feeling guilty is a terrible feeling. Its good to hear your visiting a councellor and feeling in better form, this operation is a must, put your health first, dont feel guilty, just relax and remember it will get better in time. hope this helps and good luck x

How Strange

OP, I agree with Thaedydal and you do face tough times all over again. I also understand that feeling that Thaedydal described about having a fear that depression will reoccur.

However, even though you will be bed bound I would advise you to make plans now for your coping strategies. What can you do while in bed recovering? Is there any hobby or interest that you can do and yes I realise that if you are on your back then you are very limited.

But try to think of some things you can do. Also talk to your counsellor and ask him/her to keep you some tools for coping with the dark days and your dark thoughts - some mental exercises to reverse negative or guilty thoughts.

Then talk to your husband and family and express your fears to them so they are aware of the issue and will be more sensitive to these fears when you are recovering.

TequilaMockingBird

Try to focus on how fab you'll feel when you have recovered. You and your baby out and about, having fun together! You have beaten depression before, so don't be afraid of it, if it comes back you will spot the signs alot earlier and you know how to deal with it.

I've had recurring depression for years, and I spot the signs early, up the meds, and crack on. Then when I'm feeling good again after a month or two, I go back to a low dose, and all is well.

Have you got a laptop you can use when bed-bound? Its amazing how time can fly when your online...which reminds me...goodnight!

UnregGirl

Thanks so much everybody for the kind words.

Firstly, I guess it's not so much guilt i feel, as just pure lonliness! It was much worse last time as my son was only 2 months old, so I couldn't hold him, and also I ended up in A&E one night and was told I had to be operated on asap, so that was all a bit of a shock that we weren't prepared for, and it was the first, and only, time I was separated from my son. I remember taking his blanket from him when my husband took him home, and clinging onto it for every moment i was in hospital, and at home in bed!! He had a ball, even at that young age, being minded by so many different family members, he's a total people person and craves constant interaction from anyone he lays eyes on. He's six months old now and can practically sit up so i'll be able to have a little play with him on the bed every so often.

I had a good session with my counsellor about this the other night, and she explained some techniques to use and things to do, like pick up the phone to someone, when i feel the onset of the negative thoughts. She also said I was being extremely positive about the whole things, as i was able to list off so many plus's about the situation, compared to how things were last time. She also said i was extremely pro active, as I was totally planning ahead, meals in freezer, and like How Strange said, I've been stocking up on books and dvds to occupy my time in bed. I do have a laptop so that's good i guess, and I've even planned to fill out that baby record book for once and for all!!

As regards the mother and baby groups Thaedydal mentioned, yep I've joined one, and I've even started evening classes to give me some time out, but the kick in the teeth is that, just like last time, I will have to give these up, along with the counselling sessions, while I'm not able to be up and about

How Strange

OP, can you do counselling sessions by phone during your recovery time?

UnregGirl

How Strange wrote: »

OP, can you do counselling sessions by phone during your recovery time?

My counsellor never mentioned it. She seems to be of the opinion that I'm fine at the moment, and have come a long way in the last few weeks, so she was leaving it open for me to ring her when i feel the need to see her next.

How Strange

UnregGirl wrote: »

My counsellor never mentioned it. She seems to be of the opinion that I'm fine at the moment, and have come a long way in the last few weeks, so she was leaving it open for me to ring her when i feel the need to see her next.

Good, least that is a lifeline for you if things get bad.
I heard this guy talking on Marian Funnicane a few weeks back about depression. He was a psychologist and suffered very badly himself. Anyway, one very important thing he said was not to run away from your dark thoughts or your black moments. If you are feeling bad on a particular day then let that feeling wash over you so you can deal with it and move on rather than trying to carry on and putting a brave face on it.

I thought that was very good advice as we would normally try our best to suppress those feelings and hope they would go away eventually but according to him that is just bottling it up for even worse times ahead.

UnregGirl

How Strange wrote: »

If you are feeling bad on a particular day then let that feeling wash over you so you can deal with it and move on rather than trying to carry on and putting a brave face on it.

I thought that was very good advice as we would normally try our best to suppress those feelings and hope they would go away eventually but according to him that is just bottling it up for even worse times ahead.

God, just reading that makes me feel cold in the pit of my stomach! I know exactly what you're talking about and the thought of letting those feelings wash over me fills me with dread about how bad they make me feel! My counsellor did say to cry etc if needs be to rid myself of them, but she also said if i feel them coming on to try talk myself out of them, given that what you think leads to how you feel, so by thinking of the positives, i could avoid wallowing. Much harder than it sounds though!

Nevyn

Ok you may have those horrible feels put you don't have to stay with them, you can let when wash over you and let them pass.

In 5 years time this will be all behind you and you will be taking your son to school.

Yes having those feelings is shítty but they will pass.

UnregGirl

Yeah, I guess you're right. It's just a lot to have to deal with, and just when I think it's all over, something else hits me.