Unreasonable?

LegacyUser · 13-02-2008 12:54pm #1

OK here's the story. Bit long. Being going out with my gf for about 15 months now and even though we broke up on NYE we have been back together about 2-3 weeks now and all is going reasonably well.

That is until last Sunday evening. We had been out the Friday and because of work commitments I wasn't able to see her at all on Saturday which she understood and no probs. She had really planned on seeing me on Sunday but unfortunately due to an uncle, auntie and cousins over from England for a few days I was to say the least compromised. I had felt obliged to spend the day with them because I hadn't seen them on Saturday and very unfortunately had felt obliged to go out for a couple of hours for a drink that night too of which I was given late notice. I honestly felt obliged.

Problem arises when I arrive at GF apartment when I tell her the evening has been hijacked. She's not happy which I can understand but does seem to be quite cool to me. Fair enough I suppose. I did offer she join us but its a bit of a distance away and she's up for work next day. She's peed off but hasn't really thought about who she should ultimately be blaming. Which from my point of view is'nt really anybody. These things happen.

Anyway I left there, not in a good mood but I suppose I could have been a bit more understanding of her situation which I was not. We didn't have an argument or anything just a bit of coolness shall we say.

Anyway when I got to the pub and was there for a while I decided to text the gf saying I knew she was upset, and apologised for the situation and that the problem came from my side but it was a really unusual w/end and that I hope she understood I was hijacked a bit and that I was thinking of her.

She replied back saying she understood my busy sched but it was not good enough and that she wasn't happy.

Usually get a e-mai from her on Monday but nothing. So I e-mail her on Tuesday explaining precisly my predicament. But she's having none of it when she eventually replies.

A couple of emails later (including more apolgies from me about the situation and expressions of understanding about her point of view as well as trying to explain my situation in a reasonable manner) and she's flying off the handle saying the time I spent with her on Sunday was a " S**** 60 min" followed by, "Stay at home.....I don't want to see you" referring to the Sunday night, remarks which really threw me a bit. It was an extremely defensive and slightly offensive mail that only dealt with a couple of the issues outlined in her received one. ie she picked at it and wouldn't address any other issues I had.

It just seems that she can't or won't even see the other side of the argument or find any common ground which is not very productive I think. It also seems to me that she sulks a lot and I mean over days. I wouldn't say I'm the strongest person in the world but it really grates on me badly when she's not speaking with me.

Anyway we're supposed to be meeting tonight and I really can't see a way out of this. Unless of course she's willing to address a couple of those issues.

There's rarely any disagreement from me when she's not happy about something but when the shoes on the other foot it's a different story.

I am going to talk to her tonight but I'm not very hopeful at all.

Do you think shes/her beahviour is being unreasonable.

Thanks

~nop~ · 13-02-2008 1:45pm

She was probably just looking forward to seeing you a lot. Just tell her you love her and work on from there. She was upset over not seeing you, pretty flattering

JuliusCaesar · 13-02-2008 1:47pm

Corkbhoy71 wrote: »

Do you think shes/her beahviour is being unreasonable.

yes. She's acting childishly and trying to manipulate you by being sulky. ffs, she sees you all the rest of the time, and we all have obligations to other people/work etc. Stand your ground! (see babysitting thread for more manipulation)

Radharc na Sleibhte · 13-02-2008 1:51pm

Absolutely she's being unreasonable.
Tell her that it ain't as if you weren't looking forward to having weekend with her, and if she doesn't cop on, tell her to pretend its NYE again cos here comes the boot.

McSween · 13-02-2008 1:59pm

take the angle that you have apologised on numerous occasions and let her talk. don't apologise anymore until she backs down.

i nearly went mad in a similar situation around 5 years ago, i can't handle the "i'm not talking you" routine.

AngryBadger · 13-02-2008 2:03pm

Your gf is being extremely childish and self-centered, I could understand her being annoyed if you'd cancelled to go drinking with the lads or something similar, but you had family committments and she's exhibiting zero understanding of that.

I'd dump her and move on. Doesn't sound worth the hassle.

sharkie2008 · 13-02-2008 2:06pm

i think your girlfriend is being very unreasonable. i can understand that she was disappointed at your plans being changed but shes taking it too far. dont apologise to her any more and she will realise that shes in the wrong here.

misswex · 13-02-2008 2:14pm

I'm also of the opinion that your gf is very extremely childish and down selfish. I think she is one that should be apologising. I understand that she was looking forward to seeing you etc but we all have had times when other commitments pop up and there isn't anything you can do about them. She should be a little bit more mature and understanding about the whole thing.

Good luck with the talk, don't be the one apologising all night.

bronte · 13-02-2008 2:23pm

That's really immature.
I can understand her being disappointed that she didn't see you, but for the love of god, she's taking the piss.
She's not the only person in your life, we all have family things we have to do out of duty.
You've apologised already and explained yourself, if that isn't enough she needs to do some growing up.

Meathlass · 13-02-2008 2:39pm

wtf, you spent a weekend away from your girlfriend to see family who were visiting from abroad and she's sulking all week about it now. Does she expect ye to have no outside lives? You even invited her along with you. Sounds like she's trying to guilt trip you. I'd stop apologising, it's not like you blew her off to go for pints with the lads. If she doesn't cop on tonight then I'd dump her. Why did ye break up in the first place - similar behaviour?

IrishMike · 13-02-2008 2:49pm

Dear God she sounds like high maintaince.
Sounds like very manly advice but you really need to lay down the law here.
Dont apologise and be defensive, do the exact opposite and being confrontational.
If you dont you will be skipping nights out with friends, sports games etc whenever
she tells you to. Being under the finger is definitely not the way to go, for either of your
sakes. Make it plainly obvious that she is being completely unreasonable, stand your ground!
Best of luck

iFight · 13-02-2008 2:53pm

Completely unreasonable. No need to appologise for anything. I'd probably break it off, no use causing yourself stress or anything over her high maintenance.

jdivision · 13-02-2008 3:14pm

Sounds like she's walking all over you OP. After you apologised the first time you should have let that be that. Apologising further is just playing into her childish behaviour.

funloving · 13-02-2008 3:17pm

I think you don't need to apologize at all.
She is the one who is lacking in something...
she should be sorry for being so selfish and childish as well...

Gumbyman · 13-02-2008 3:39pm

You had the right idea on NYE. Reintroduce her to the old heave ho. That might wise her up. Beware though - she could just have her 'visitor'. Complete unreasonableness and irrationality will ensue. Give her a few days.

azezil · 13-02-2008 4:02pm

I think its pretty clear this weekend isn't the only issue in your relationship, no one's that unreasonable unless there's something more going on in her head. 15 months is a long time, why may I ask did it end NYE, and has whatever caused that breakup been resolved?

That's the question you need to ask yourself.

funloving · 13-02-2008 4:20pm

Gumbyman wrote: »

Beware though - she could just have her 'visitor'. Complete unreasonableness and irrationality will ensue. Give her a few days.

very true

blah · 13-02-2008 4:37pm

I get the impression from your post, considering the NYE breakup, that she's trying to break up again, but she's not willing to come right out and do it, so she's making a big deal out of nothing, then you'll dump her and she won't have to feel bad. She wouldn't be the first guy or girl to use this tactic.

LegacyUser · 13-02-2008 4:56pm

blah wrote: »

I get the impression from your post, considering the NYE breakup, that she's trying to break up again, but she's not willing to come right out and do it, so she's making a big deal out of nothing, then you'll dump her and she won't have to feel bad. She wouldn't be the first guy or girl to use this tactic.

Maybe. I'll try and get to the bottom of it anyway. Also thanks azezil for your input too. I agree and I'm not that shortsighted in seeing that there may be other things floating in the ointment.

Thanks for all your replies. I love the girl but it's just taking too much out of me. Right now I see it's a hopeless situation. But I'm prepapred to be surprised. I will see what she says when I meet her. I had more or less decided what you guys have suggested but was a bit insecure about my stance. Geez this is really cutting me up but I think closure at this stage either way will make life easier for both of us. .

4Xcut · 13-02-2008 8:56pm

Corkbhoy71 wrote: »

There's rarely any disagreement from me when she's not happy about something but when the shoes on the other foot it's a different story.

That's your problem right there. If you usually fold, she'll expect it every time.

In other words: "Run Forest, Run!"

estar · 13-02-2008 10:05pm

unless you have a number of forgetful things

and this is the last straw

if she cannot discuss it maturely then forget it

Unreasonable?

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