Suddenly missing an ex

LegacyUser

Me and my ex broke up about 4 or 5 months ago, we’d gone out with each other for two years and we’d been absolutely mad about each the first year and six months then everything started going stale. She got a whole new group of friends after joining a writing course and so did I, we started hanging out less and I became very depressed cos I hated my job and felt trapped.
So we just split and she moved out and I moved out etc. last time I seen her was back about the beginning of January when we exchanged Xmas presents, she was nice enough although it was a little awkward. I sent her a text saying thanks for the present but she never replied, I’d said some joke in my text that I thought she may have construed as offensive so latter that night when I was drunk I sent her a message saying that if she had taken offense at it, it was unintentional and that it was nice seeing her and that I missed her. She replied that the present was nice and thanks and seeing me was “fine” but she thought it was too soon to start hanging out together again (which I had in no way suggested we do) and not to try blow this out of proportion and cause drama, which frankly took me by surprise since we had barely been onto each other since we split and I don’t think I’ve done anything to cause drama. For the most part it had been a fairly peaceful amicable break up.

But the other day I was putting some of my stuff into storage and I found a letter she’d written to me when we’d been happy, it basically was saying how happy she was and how much better her life had been since we got together and how happy I made her. Ever since I found it I’ve been getting progressively more depressed. I look at how much I had back then and how little I have now. I’m starting to miss her more and more, I know on some level its all very ‘looking back through rose tinted glasses’ but on the other hand I know that she was the funniest, most intelligent, most beautiful girl I’ve ever met. The reasons we split seem so trivial now and it wrecking my head.

I know that it’s probably just ‘cos I’m lonely but it’s kind of like, I’ve met a few girls in the past few months and it’s all gone to ****, no one really compares. I was grand after about a month or so but now it’s all come flooding back, I’m as upset as I was the month after we broke up. Part of me wants to get in touch with her see how she’s doing but I know that’s probably a very bad idea and at best will result in her telling me she doesn’t want too see me again out straight.
My brains fried I can’t stop thinking about her and I’m afraid to go to bed every night ‘cos I know I’ll dream of her. It’s really starting to get to me, sorry for going on so much, any help appreciated

tbh

firstly - get rid of the letter. No altogether, you'll enjoy it in years to come. Just put it away somewhere first. This is all part of the healing process, I know you can't see it now, but this is something you have to go through, and when you come out the other side, you'll understand why. I'm afraid you'll just have to trust me on this one. I know it's horrible, but it's not forever.

Secondly, try to adjust your mind set. She was the funniest, loveliest girl you've ever met - so far! There are plenty more <somethings> in the <something that contains a lot of somethings>, don't worry. The next relationship you are in, you won't make the same mistakes as this one.

You'll find that you will still get upset from time to time, but they'll be further spaced, and they won't last as long as the last time. You're the only actor in the movie of your life, you thought this girl was the love interest, but she wasn't. In a few years, you'll see that her significance in your life - huge at the moment - really wasn't that big. Try and be patient, and understand that this is something we all go through. Best of luck man.

snorlax

you will meet someone else that will make you happy (give it time), but it will be very hard to do that if you still aren't over your ex. Its not really fair to compare people as we're all different for better or for worse.
My suggestion is to get out and enjoy yourself and you'll find that people will be more attracted to someone who is happy with themselves/ their life.

ven0m

Mate, been there done that, got several t-shirts. First off, bin anything of sentimental value from her. it is not worth holding onto. You can't change what happened past, & when you break-up from someone, you always tend to look back at the good stuff & believe me, anyone who's broken up out of a once happy relationship can tell you a tale of "they said they were the happiest since being with me & never felt so happy" - that's what love is, it's what it makes us feel like & it shows us the best of what life is supposed to be.

Yes it hurts, it sucks & looking back on stuff like that makes it harder & feel so so bad & sinks you into depression where you can feel it physically, but moving on, forgetting the past (not blaming anyone is a good place to start!), & refraining from being retrospective (difficult I know - but you will get there & be a t-shirt wearer like everyone else here!) & it will be good.

Life is not about who's in it, or how they make it better; people compliment your life, not add to it to make it better .... if they add to it in my view - something is missing from your life personally that no-person can ever adequately bring to patch that hole... and it will become a vicious cycle .... that's the mistake I kept making & whiging about 'women doing em wrong', when the problem all the time was with me & trying to find in others what I didn't have in myself until I went & sorted what I wanted for myself, & then let others in to share if they wanted to.........

"Fellow multi-time T-Shirt Wearer!"



:::: ven0mous ::::