Why do I think its always me?

Teddi

just as the title says...

Whenever im in college, or at home and someones in a bad mood, or just moody, what seems like only myself and no-one else (never really sure if it is just me..just what it feels like) who gets this negative response, I ALWAYS think its because its something that ive done to them, something that either I wasnt aware of, or something that I did that I didnt mean.

Im sure people think about this sometimes but it really bugs me. I have to constantly say to myself "im sure they are having a ****ty day, its not you" Sometimes I start to think that they just dont like me for some reason (as people do) and then I make sure I avoid that person as I think they dont want to socialise...

another vicious circle...Ive too many of these...hehe..

Any thoughts would be helpful...thanks

LegacyUser

Maybe you have some self-esteem issues, you say whenever someone is in a bad mood you feel you have done something. Sometimes we all feel like this, but once you look at the issue and analyise did i do anything to annoy this person, the answer is usually no..
Your own issues may be clouding your judgement of what is really happening and you may be overly sensitive to peoples moods. If you know you have done nothing to put a person in a bad mood, be positive that it is their own issues effecting their mood and not you. Try not to take things personally and if you feel this is still an issue for you, go and seek some counseling to help you through this.

star-pants

Hey Teddi - don't worry it's not that uncommon, I'm a sod for thinking that.
If someone's quiet with me or seem off, I always wonder did I say something/do something that I'm not aware of. But when I ask there's usually some other explaination, they're tired/busy/ thinking of something else etc etc.
It's hard not to think that it's you sometimes - but you just have to ignore that thought that immediately thinks 'oh goodness did I do something?' and think to yourself, they could be stressed/off day /anything. If you really feel they're off with you, you can simply say in a gentle tone 'is everything ok, you seem a little off?, I don't mean to pry' or something.
Remember you've not done anything wrong.

Teddi

yea, just what I was thinking star

Yea, I am dealing with self esteem issues alright...that doesnt help!

Just bugs the hell out of me as I see myself a bit of an outsider in my class and thinking that Ive done something that the person hasnt liked is a common thought for me..

I just have a few viscious circles spiraling around me at the moment, bad buzz!

star-pants

Somewhat with you there Teddi with circles - I still do always think I've done something when 99% of the time I haven't. It's just something you have to kinda think to yourself 'nope, could be a million other reasons nothing to do with me'. It's tough sometimes especially when you're having a self-conscious day or week or whatever.
But if it helps quell the fear it's you - you can always check they're ok, without prying or implying it's your fault.

chrismon

Hey Teddi
I used to have the same sort of problem when i was younger,like if someone was getting angry with a group of us for some reason,it would always be me they picked on. I could never figure this out untill about 3 years ago.
It seemed like people would look down on me because they could,think they were better than me because i let them,i had some self-confidence issues.
Iv gotten over that now,I wont let anyone talk down to me or try to bully me.
I simply stand up for myself now and not let people walk all over me.
If someone is upset or pissed off,and it seems like out of everyone they are picking you out of everyone to take it out on tell them to pi$$ off.
Stand up for yourself.
Be confident and mind yourself

Overheal

Verbal Confrontation.

If you feel you are being attacked verbally, don't sit there and take it if you can't brush it off - it's it going to bother you later, nip in in the bud right there: tell them to **** off - not in an inherently aggressive way - but just so they take stock that you are on the defensive. If you think something isn't your fault: say so. If you think it is something you've done don't be too shy to ask. If it turns into an argument; follow the one golden rule - stick to logic. If you can't defend a position, eg. you left your dishes everywhere; don't. apologise and do something about it. Stupidest thing you can do is lie and deny (for hundreds of reasons).

After that, the person in question will respond with their own view and at the very least you can both get to the bottom of it. Conflcit Resolution.

Wagon

chrismon wrote: »

Hey Teddi
I used to have the same sort of problem when i was younger,like if someone was getting angry with a group of us for some reason,it would always be me they picked on. I could never figure this out untill about 3 years ago.
It seemed like people would look down on me because they could,think they were better than me because i let them,i had some self-confidence issues.
Iv gotten over that now,I wont let anyone talk down to me or try to bully me.
I simply stand up for myself now and not let people walk all over me.
If someone is upset or pissed off,and it seems like out of everyone they are picking you out of everyone to take it out on tell them to pi$$ off.
Stand up for yourself.
Be confident and mind yourself

Very good advice there. And Overheal's advice was useful for those situations where someone is very obviously making it known that you're their problem.

Another way to approach this situation (and this is what i do, i don't know if its the right way to approach it or not I'll leave that up to yourself to decide ) is to not give so much as a boll1x about someone like a complete stranger. Why should you feel responsible for the mood of someone you don't know? People will do this all the time, they'll have a bad day and take it out on the first available outlet. Again, refer to Chrismon's post above.

You're friends and people you like are a different matter, your help is always appreciated there even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes. Right now, you're looking for that delicate balance between human kindness and self protection. Good luck!

JuliusCaesar

Remember: although you are the centre of the universe to yourself, you are rarely the centre to anyone else! It's humbling to think that.....and astonishing to think that you've been doing the opposite.