31 year old virgin!!

LegacyUser

hi folks, going unreg for this as a dodgy subject for me. Yes, i'm 31 this year and still a virgin. i've kissed a few girls, "dropped the hand" etc etc, but the Sergeant has still not been promoted to Sergeant major so to speak. I've had a few bad years suffering from depression in my mid 20's, which stopped me from meeting prople and made me turn in to a bit of a hermit, but now things have changed in the last 2-3 years, no panic attacks or fears of going into tesco and buying a litre of milk, it was that bad. I have travelled all around europe in the last 3 years, staying in hostels, meeting loads of people and girls, which i think cured me of alot of the bad feelings i had. I work in a company with 70% women, and i get on with all of them as it is part of my job to do so, and i like it. I am regarded as some sort of ladies man, where they get that impression i dont know. I thought i was ready to do the dirty deed, until a few weeks ago. I was walking home with a few friends and workmates, and one girl i worked with seemed overly friendly and drunk and i knew what was going to happen when we got back to the house.i was ready, so i thought. I went into a room and she followed me in, so we were on our own. Then, i blew her off, why i dont know. She went out and went off with one of my friends and spent the night with him instead. The is one of many examples of similar circumstances. I do not know why i keep doing this. I LOVE women, they are the best and i would'nt be sitting here without them. I really want to lose this ball and chain, but i dunno how. Some might say a hooker is the answer, but i have no interest in going to a prostitute at all. I cannot figure out what is stopping me each and every time and i am not happy about this. I have never had a proper girlfriend, and when i did, when things got hot and heavy l chickened out i suppose.
Am i crazy? What am i afraid of? Do i need some psychiatric help? Have i answered my own post? All your thoughts would be really appreciated. Sorry about the long post also.

Suaimhneach

Maybe stop putting so much pressure on yourself. It'll happen when it's right, and it feels good for it to happen.

I'd recommened losing (or giving) your viriginity in a situation that isnt just some random drunken person. If you let the person know the situation as well, it certainly makes things easier for both of you.

Also, dont build it up to be this amazing time! Most first times suck! But, they get better and better. Having sex with one person stops you being a virgin, but it probably wont change anything else (your level of sexual inexperience). I'd recommened conquering that first, and being comfortable and confident in doing so, and getting over the whole "I have to pop my cherry" thing. There is so much more to it than that, m'dear.

Sqaull20

Get a bit of practice in with a few Prossies bud, no embarrassment in it, it will help with your confidence big time and when you do meet the right girl you will know exactly what to do and it wont be a burden anymore....

McGinty

Hi Op

Whilst I don't share the exact same problem as you, in a way I do, whilst reading your post I saw that you back away in a similar way that I do, now considering I have the same problem, I can;t really offer advice, the only thing I can suggest is being true to yourself, I doubt a prostitute will do it for you it sounds like you can relate to women on a chatty level but not on a physical level, in other words some part of you is buttoned up and you need to look at why, I know I can spot a passionless man a mile off, I have often attrached very nice men to talk with, but I can't imagine them being widly passionate, and I know that I have that side to me and would it scare them so maybe other women like me feel the same? The only thing I can suggest and it may be bad advice is when you meet a woman you are attracted is to be active, take the lead, it is very attractive to most women, I don't mean by being a bollocks but active suggesting things, foreward thinking that kind of thing.

St Bill

OP, it sounds to me that one side of you wants to lose your virginity so that it's over and done with. The other side of you wants to find that special someone to lose it with. These two sides are at odds and maybe that's why you couldn't sleep with your workmate.
Maybe you should forget about losing your virginity (easier said than done!), you're working with a glut of women, so why not ask some of them out and take it from there?

spurious

Read back over this forum and see how many 'old' virgins there are. It doesn't make you a freak and you're certainly not the only one out there.

The prostitute suggestion is not one I would recommend, things will happen when you stop wanting them so much to happen. It's possible that you are coming across as desperate, which is never attractive.

Stop worrying.

Baudelaire

OP it just sounds like the simple fact is you're not ready yet, you're sort of subscribing to the stereotype that you should have lost your virginity by now because all "real men" have but to be honest you're not the only person in your situation, all your friends may give it all this "I've had 20 girls" but the reality is you could probably divide that by 5 to get a more realistic figure. The reason why you keep backing out is because you keep rushing in, get to know someone first for who they are and not what you can get from them. Try building a relationship with a girl based on more than just sex, don't obsess about it, if you get to know her first and that's the initial basis of the relationship then the sex will follow when the time is right.

LegacyUser

Be honest with who you are sleeping with. Tell them you are a virgin. Take the pressure off yourself. It may be a bit embarrassing but better that than thinking you're got something to prove.

I would imagine that you blew this girl off because you were scared. Performance anxiety or just nerves. Having been there, done that I'd suggest you go and talk to someone openly and honestly about it . Check out these guys
www.mrcs.ie

Dudess

Have a couple of drinks beforehand. Don't get plastered but a small bit to drink will relax you. And don't keep thinking about the fact that you're a virgin - that will only increase your anxiety. Think of it as not a big deal, because it isn't. It may be later than most people but so what? Who says there's a set age at which you're supposed to lose your virginity? There's a recent poll in After Hours on the ages people lost their virginity and the 30+ category ain't empty!

LegacyUser

ok, thanks for all or your advices, i dont think a prostitute is the answer anyway, i'm not into that at all. I think i'm thinking about it too much recently for some reason and theres so much else to be thinking about instead, i guess i have a few issues to overcome yet. From here on i'll keep all that in mind(except the hookers). Its good to know theres some people out there who seem to understand. God bless the internet.

Dudess

A lot of insecure people will judge you, but only out of relief that they're not virgins at 31 because to them it would be apocalyptic. Not that it is even in the slightest bit apocalyptic, but it's just that they're sheep with no mind of their own and they are so sexually repressed and ignorant of sexuality that they believe there are set rules one must follow - god forbid you'd be an individual, and sexuality is a very individual thing, it's not about broad social trends. Hand in hand with that is the craving that these people have for the acceptance and validation of their peers.