depressed

LegacyUser

hey everyone,
Im 19 and from a smallish town in the north. After school finished i decided to do a foundation degree in the local college. I met a girl from work and had my first sexual experience. She really loved me and things were going well. She was also at the same college and we hung out and had lunch pretty much every day. As mine was a 2 year course and hers a 1, i knew shed be dissapearing off soon. well when this happened the more time she was away i was thinking of her faults and getting tied down and my mates were telling me we were too serious.
anyways this ended with me breaking up with her, she was gutted and strangely i only felt bad for her. I felt a bit of relief but mainly just bad for hurting her.
we have a kind of friends with benefits thing going for a few months but i end up stopping this as i felt shed never move on.

Which brings us to now, we remain good friends and then she gets a boyfriend.
this unleashes a load of feelings in me i never knew i had.
i started going out on the town with just the goal of meeting some woman to tackle
(no sex) this doesnt really cheer me up.

iv had these feelings (jealousy, sadness, regret, anger) now for about 2 months and i cant seem to shake them off.

i decided to head up to belfast with some mates to have a good nite out. when she heard i was coming up she decided to come out with us.lots of drinks taken ended up going back to her house to make sure she got home alrite and ended up having sex with her.

i think this just made it worse to be honest.

what do you guys think i should do im kinda lost?

Wibbs

What do you want? Sounds easy and obvious but it is really that simple. When you figure that out, then you have to discuss this with your ex(or whatever you want to label her).

Sqaull20

Life's simple, you make choices and you don't look back.

I have been dumped 5 times in the last 3 years , if I was to look back at the mistakes I made in those relationships then I wouldnt be here today...

Best not to think about it eh, let your **** do it for you

LegacyUser

I dont want to get back with her, but really I dont know what i want.

Im stuck at home until i finish my course. Beleive me, the place sucks.

MIN2511

Can you not get a transfer to another college?

If you moved on(i.e. started dating another girl) before your ex would you feel differently about things?

And you do know what you want, you just don't know how to go about getting what you want.

Wibbs

Demark wrote: »

I dont want to get back with her,

OK so you don't want to get back with her.

but really I dont know what i want.

Apparently you don't want to get back with her. Clear enough? I'm not taking the píss. It is that simple.

Let's recap;

1) you went out with her.
2)You broke it off.
3)You only felt bad for her.
4)You know you don't want to get back with her.
5)You and she had sex.
6)The chances are pretty good she thought this would change things back to the way it was.
7)It didn't, I refer you to number 4 for the reasons why.

Solution? If you're concerned about her welfare at all, stop sleeping with her.

Second part of the solution? Take time out to figure out what you want on your own for your future and for yourself.

Im stuck at home until i finish my course. Beleive me, the place sucks.

This is the thing you have to work on.

LegacyUser

only got 5 months left of the course, i dont really think it'd be worth the hassle this late in.

I think moving on is exactly what i need to do i just cant seem to meet anyone i find attractive that matches up to what my last girl was like.

Lawless_Samurai

Not to sound harsh but five months isn't a very long time. Do the five months and then move off. Thats pretty straight forward.

The whole moving on from your ex.... You are not gonna do that by getting with someone new. Especially if your going around comparing every girl you meet to your ex. Go out and try and meet someone you like, not someone your looking to replace the last.


Whatever you do don't sleep with your ex again. From your original post it seems you only slept with her out of jealousy (because she had a new boyfriend). If you care about her even a little don't mess her around like that.

Nevyn

So you had post break up sex, do you really think you are the first person who has had this happen ?

Guess what chances are it will happen again to you as well.

Post break up sex either means people get back together or it re inforces all the reasons why you have broken up or it's so awful it knocks on the head and sours ever going back for another shag cos it was crap compared to what it was before.

It seems that you were a lot more emotionally invovled with her then you had tought
and as the song goes you don't know what you've until it's gone.

You need to figure out if you want and can have a real realtionship with her and if not
stop pricking the both of you around, she is entitled to her happiness and a proper realtionship.

LegacyUser

Im working on my exodus from here
the girl messaged me today, i told her how i feel.

she basically said she has put aside her feelings for me. i hurt her too much last time. To be honest im gutted but il remain friends, i dont want to be the cause of her breaking up with her boyfriend.

i took on your advice about getting a new girl. I think il just try and enjoy myself for the next few months, try and take my mind off things.

thanks for all the advice