Quickies

rocky25

A blonde, brunette, and red head were on top of a magic mountain. The myth of the mountain was that if you jumped off of it and yelled out what you wanted to be, you would instantly turn into it.
The brunette jumped off and said she wanted to be an Eagle, so she turned into an Eagle and flew away.
Next, the red head jumped off and said she wanted to be a cat. So, she landed on all fours and walked away. Then the blonde got a running start, tripped over a rock, and yelled, "****!"
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A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with. Finally, the uncle had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?" This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail. After a few hours, the nephew returned. "How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle. "It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?"
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A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Town. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice: "Daughter, when you're in Town and if you're looking for a match there, you must take note of the following the requirements mother set for you. You must find a man that is faithful', 'thrifty' and must be a 'virgin'.
With this advice from her mother, the girl went to Town. After some months later, she came home to get her mother's blessings to marry.
"Mother, I've met my match following your instructions. My future husband is faithful because when we went out for holiday one day, he took care of me specifically even though there were so many prettier girls around. Isn't that being faithful?"
Her mother nodded in agreement.
"Then, since the day was getting late in the night and rain was pouring, my boyfriend decided that we stay the night at a hotel. He also suggested that in order not to spend too much, they'll share one room only. Isn't he not thrifty guy?"
For the second time her mother nodded her head in agreement, but with a little concern.
"And finally mum...; I know he is a virgin" "How did you know he is still a virgin?" The mother asked with trepidation. "MMM...his 'Pe##s was still new and hard.... and all wrapped up in plastic!
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Did you know that heaven and hell are actually right next to each other?
They are separated by a big chain-link fence. Well, one day hell was having
a big party and it got a little out of hand. God heard the ruckus and
arrived to find his fence completely smashed by the wild partiers. He
called the devil over and said "Look, Satan, you have to rebuild this
fence." Satan agreed. The next day God noticed that the devil had
completely rebuilt the fence...but it was 2 feet further into heaven than
before.
"Satan!" beckoned God. "You have to take that fence down and put it back
where it belongs!" "Yeah? What if I don't?" replied the devil.
"I'll sue you if I have to," answered God.
"Sure," laughed Satan where are you going to find a lawyer