Why does nobody like me?

greenkittie

Feel very lonely. I'm an attractive, intelligent, funny girl, outgoing and friendly, i love to party and have fun. Yet inspite of this i find myself completly alone. I used to have friends in Belfast but i moved to Dublin for a year and when i came back everyone had moved on and left Belfast.

I have since then tried making friends, joined new clubs, did activitys etc. I did manage to make aquaintences within the clubs, people who i would talk to when i was at an organised event but when it came to trying to get them to socialise outside the organised environment i was just turned down.
I go out clubbing, end up back at partys, get on well with people but i just cant seem to get over this aquaintence stage.

The worst of all is in university. I go to class, to a room full of people ive sat beside for 3 years and no one wants to know me. Ive tried making friends with these people but it just never works. Every class everyone is talking around me and im sitting alone and silent. The sad thing is if any of them even says hi to me or makes just a little small talk it makes me really happy.
I think the 4 girls in the class dont like me cause i never got in with thier clique and they are all kinda typical overweight ugly computer girls. I so want to be friends with them but they just give me dirty looks. The rest of the class are guys and anytime i tried to make friends with them they just thought i was flirting and then disliked me when they realised i wasnt. Gah the whole thing is just so pathetic.

Also even the people im friends with say im weird but ive grown on them. I just cant see this, i think i look and act normal. Im just an average type of girl and yet people just dont seem to want to get to know me.

biko

It's easy to be lonely in a big city. Particularly if you move in circles where everyone already have a group of friends.

The trick is I think to find people that are the same boat as you, people that are new to the city.

"overweight ugly computer girls" Are you sure you're just not angry at them?

denhaagenite

biko wrote: »

"overweight ugly computer girls" Are you sure you're just not angry at them?

+1

Although I do understand what you're talking about. Try joining some clubs and societies in Uni.

When I went to college I thought there was something wrong with me because I didn't really connect with my classmates. Everyone thinks the best mates you make in your life are the ones you meet in college and IMO there is too much emphasis placed on this. I have plenty of friends at home and abroad, only 2 or 3 of which I met in college.

It might also help to share a house with people of similar age and interests to you, I'm still in contact with most of the people I've shared a house with. Get a part time job!!

Whatever you do, don't despair. There's nothing worse than a black cloud to scare potential friends off!

Oriel

biko wrote: »

"overweight ugly computer girls" Are you sure you're just not angry at them?

No, unfortunately that's 90% of the females in IT industry.
greenkittie, is it just people you meet now? What about old friends? Do you have a boyfriend - if so what does he think about it?

Feelgood

Oriel wrote: »

No, unfortunately that's 90% of the females in IT industry.

Have to disagree there, last IT place I worked out of an IT department of 50 people there where at least 8 hot chicks....and of the 50 about 30 where guys!.

kmick

Try and find out from your friends what is 'weird' about you. Are you outspoken, introverted, too honest, shy, needy etc. If you have an idea whats wrong you can attempt to address it. How about getting a boyfriend rather than a friend. Do you like any of the guys in the class?

action jackson

I am from Belfast to and I would agree that it is difficult to make friends in the city on a night out. My advice would be to move into a nice suburb like Holywood ( I am from near there) and start to socialise in the little pubs. you will have several friends in a couple of weeks for sure ! Also great transport links for belfast for uni etc and only a fiver in a taxi !

Very friendly little village !

Shame you have not bonded with your student friends, but that is uniform throughout life, especially in the workplace, which is not much diifferent to the classroom. I now work and often do not get along with people, that is just life ! You should not worry about it too much !

good luck,

AJ

How Strange

greenkittie wrote: »

I did manage to make aquaintences within the clubs, people who i would talk to when i was at an organised event but when it came to trying to get them to socialise outside the organised environment i was just turned down.

I don't understand what you mean by this. Do you mean they say flat out 'no, we aren't interested, go away' or 'no sorry I can't X night I'm busy'.
Maybe you are over sensitive so one knockback and you take it personally and give up.

I go out clubbing, end up back at partys, get on well with people but i just cant seem to get over this aquaintence stage.

Not the best way to meet people IMO

Ive tried making friends with these people but it just never works. Every class everyone is talking around me and im sitting alone and silent.

Could that be part of the problem? You just sit there saying nothing rather than just joining in on the conversation.

I go to class, to a room full of people ive sat beside for 3 years and no one wants to know me. The sad thing is if any of them even says hi to me or makes just a little small talk it makes me really happy.

Who says they don't want to know you? Did they tell you that to your face?

the 4 girls in the class dont like me cause i never got in with thier clique and they are all kinda typical overweight ugly computer girls. I so want to be friends with them but they just give me dirty looks.

Firstly, this is a very mean thing to say about people. Secondly, as others said, you sound angry. Passive aggression perhaps?

The rest of the class are guys and anytime i tried to make friends with them they just thought i was flirting and then disliked me when they realised i wasnt.

I find this very hard to believe. I went to college with lots of lads and I could chat and have coffees with them just like the girls in the class.

Also even the people im friends with say im weird but ive grown on them.

Again, did they actually say this to your face?

I just cant see this, i think i look and act normal. Im just an average type of girl and yet people just dont seem to want to get to know me.

Why do you assume that its everyone else that doesn't want to know you and you are just waiting to be befriended by everyone in Uni, Belfast and the world?

I'd say firstly that you are passive aggressive and secondly that you are trying so hard that it makes you act weird and strange.
I've seen how shy people act and it can come across as downright rude. You speak to them and they barely grunt. It takes a big effort to get to know them and when you do you realise that they were just extremely shy. But I've also given up on shy people because quite honestly it can be exhausting and can be like pulling teeth at times.

I'd say relax a bit, be more open and receptive to talking to people when you meet them. Ask them questions relevant to your classes or whatever. Go for a coffee with them and follow it up with going for a coffee the next time you see them. And if you are turned down don't take it as a personal insult. You can't be friends with everyone; not everyone has to like you. If you can make good friends with 2 or 3 people then you are very fortunate.

watna

Hi Op. I know you mentioned Belfast in your post but your location says Dublin.

If you are in Dublin, check out the ladies lounge forum here there's regular meet-ups (coffee, nights out, cinema etc). You'd be more than welcome to come along.

Check out this thread.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055211364

If you read the thread you'll see there's other girls in a similar situation. Maybe if you broaden your social circle you'll pick up a few more social skills. Maybe you're coming across differently to people then the image you have in your head.

fuzzywiggle

Well you're obviously doing something wrong.

I'm an attractive, intelligent, funny girl, outgoing and friendly, i love to party and have fun.

Anybody i know that has these quailities are, 99% of the time, very popular. Maybe you're not what you think you are.
Ask your friend why they think you're weird. Try get to the bottom of it.

MattKid

greenkittie
I'm sure you are just as fantastic a person as I am. I'm in a similar situation, having moved from my previous location where I had an abundance of good friends, drinking buddies, gym buddies and aquaintances to where I am now knowing 2-3 people I can call friends.

It takes time and opportunity for people to see that you will enhance their lives, so please don't feel disheartened or take anything personally. Just make sure you're open to the opportunities that appear and if they don't seem to come along then create them yourself.

Wibbs

fuzzywiggle wrote: »

Anybody i know that has these quailities are, 99% of the time, very popular. Maybe you're not what you think you are.
Ask your friend why they think you're weird. Try get to the bottom of it.

Good advice. Often our perceptions of ourselves are at odds with how the world sees us. People are social animals by nature and tend to make social bonds quite quickly all things being equal.

Dragan

Bingo!

Maybe have a look at yourself and see whats up? Thats why i did about 4 and a half years ago and while it's not nice it's best to honest with yourself and then improve what you don't like!

I mean, are you sure your really that approachable? Your response to the Free Hugs thread in AH would lead me to believe that perhaps, you are not?

Not knocking on you at all, just speaking from experience.

greenkittie

biko wrote: »

"overweight ugly computer girls" Are you sure you're just not angry at them?

Ok lots of people responded to that bit, heh i am angry at them NOW, angry for never giving me a chance over the past few years but ive never been anything but nice and friendly to them. As i said i would like to be friends with them but its hard when they give one word ansers or actually outright blank me when i talk to them!

"Try joining some clubs and societies in Uni."

As i said i am already in some, other people asked how hard i had tried to get people who i would talk to inside these clubs to do stuff outside them. Repeatedly! It was always a "hmmm maybe" said in a im being polite but definatly not way or an outright no.

"Try and find out from your friends what is 'weird' about you. Are you outspoken, introverted, too honest, shy, needy etc. If you have an idea whats wrong you can attempt to address it. How about getting a boyfriend rather than a friend. Do you like any of the guys in the class?"

I have a boyfriend and he thinks im nice and lovely, ive spoken to him about this and he said when he met me all he could think was what a nice friendly girl. Talked to friends who said i was a bit weird and they couldnt or wouldnt give me a straight anser. Just a general something apparently :rolleyes:.

"Why do you assume that its everyone else that doesn't want to know you and you are just waiting to be befriended by everyone in Uni, Belfast and the world?"

Im not "just waiting" ive been trying and trying since i moved home for almost a year now to make friends and its just not working.

"I'd say firstly that you are passive aggressive and secondly that you are trying so hard that it makes you act weird and strange."

Thought you said i was just sitting back and waiting?

"I've seen how shy people act and it can come across as downright rude. You speak to them and they barely grunt. It takes a big effort to get to know them and when you do you realise that they were just extremely shy. But I've also given up on shy people because quite honestly it can be exhausting and can be like pulling teeth at times."

Im not in the least bit shy!

"greenkittie
I'm sure you are just as fantastic a person as I am. I'm in a similar situation, having moved from my previous location where I had an abundance of good friends, drinking buddies, gym buddies and aquaintances to where I am now knowing 2-3 people I can call friends.

It takes time and opportunity for people to see that you will enhance their lives, so please don't feel disheartened or take anything personally. Just make sure you're open to the opportunities that appear and if they don't seem to come along then create them yourself. "

Thanks thats encouraging advice. It is the fact that ive gone from having so many friends, always being busy busy busy to having nothing and struggling to form new friends that i feel so down about the whole thing.

Today im going to try again and get someone to come for a drink with my after class. Probably wont work but ill try.

AngryBadger

Sounds like you're quite happy in your own head, comfortable with yourself, and content with where you're going in life right now.

The problem is when you're in that place it tends to put a lot of peoples noses out of joint.

I think it's fair to say that the majority of people engage in certain silly social games because they feel they have to in order to fit in. A lot of these people do this because they're just not strong, or confident enough in themselves to do their own thing.

FOr someone like you, who seems (on the strength of how you're posting, the fact that you're in college, have a bf and so on), to have most of it sorted, you're probably not playing these games, and that tends to annoy people. Partly because when you don't play the game you're inadvertantly highlighting their own lifestyles shortcomings, and often you may, without realising it, be insulting them. For example, you mentioned guys in night clubs getting annoyed when you weren't interested in them romantically. I can understand why a lot of guys would get annoyed about that. Not saying you're at fault, but for most (irish) guys you go to a club and if a girl is talking to you it's because she's attracted to you, so obviously when they find out that isn't the case they're going to be a bit put about.

I don't know what to tell you to do about this. On the one hand you have something some people will never have, you seem content with yourself and your life. On the other hand that kind of puts you at odds with other people, who find you "weird" because you're not concerned about the same things they are.

Also, I think Dublin is the worst place in the world for generating a new social circle. A lot of people who are born iN Dublin tend to stay in Dublin (at least throughout college), which means they keep the social circles they had in secondary school. Consequently a lot of them aren't interested in making new friends. Whereas outside of Dublin you generally have to leave your hometown to go to college, and of course everyone you meet in college is in the same boat and so they're all eager to make new friends.

In this instance I'm afraid I have very little practical advice for you. Patience is the one thing i can recommend, keep trying to meet other people, but also bear in mind that you're enarly finished college (I assume after 3 years?) and once you leave things will change, some for the good, some not so good.

Nevyn

Maybe it is because you come across arrogant and judgemental ?
Maybe you try to hard.

Wibbs

greenkittie wrote: »

I have a boyfriend and he thinks im nice and lovely, ive spoken to him about this and he said when he met me all he could think was what a nice friendly girl.

To be fair to your boyfriend, he fancied you, so his advice while welcome isn't really worth much as an objective viewpoint. Extreme example; I went out with a woman way back, fancied the arse off her, yet she was as odd as two left feet and had no, and I mean no social skills. If she had asked my opinion I would have avoided the issue in case I set her off. If I had loved her maybe I would have said something though.

Talked to friends who said i was a bit weird and they couldnt or wouldnt give me a straight anser. Just a general something apparently :rolleyes:.

Unless they're not the brightest, they do know what it is, it's just that as your mates they are naturally reluctant to take the risk of hurting you. Which is a good sign anyway. It's hard to find someone to give you an honest objective opinion. Hard one. I would hazard a guess and say a bit "weird" may translate as aloof and or superior. A bit weird can also be someone who often says the wrong things at the wrong moments.

Today im going to try again and get someone to come for a drink with my after class. Probably wont work but ill try.

Good plan.

I do agree with others when they say Dublin can be difficult in this way. I've known foreigners, men and women, that have lived all over the world and many have said that Dublin was hard to get a social circle in. They said while the Irish are friendly, it can be quite a lot on the surface. Funnily the foreign women seemed to have more of a problem. Dunno why.

Dagon

TO be honest; it simply sounds like this: you're probably quite attractive girl who dresses well and looks great, and you seem quite content and, as already stated, you don't play social games.

Perfect combination for a difficult life if you are around insecure people. I can straight away think of instances of this that I've regularly seen. And if you're naturally very slim, or if you don't eat the same junk as everybody else, then this will further infuriate people. Another poster has already highlighted some of these things... but I'm adding that you're probably a bit of a babe, and this seems to wreck some peoples heads! And not just the girls... :cool:

be happy with yourself.

Davei141

Dagon wrote: »

TO be honest; it simply sounds like this: you're probably quite attractive girl who dresses well and looks great, and you seem quite content and, as already stated, you don't play social games.

Perfect combination for a difficult life if you are around insecure people. I can straight away think of instances of this that I've regularly seen. And if you're naturally very slim, or if you don't eat the same junk as everybody else, then this will further infuriate people. Another poster has already highlighted some of these things... but I'm adding that you're probably a bit of a babe, and this seems to wreck some peoples heads! And not just the girls... :cool:

be happy with yourself.

Yeah cause good looking people are the outcasts of society... Some people ain't half talk some rubbish.

OP the majority of time out of people i know that have no friends they seem to think they are above everyone, and you'll hear them using the phrase "i speak my mind" i.e it means they are an asshole. Would you give a vibe off that you think your better than the rest?

Dudess

Davei141, while it's true that good-looking people get ahead in a lot of respects, Dagon has made a fair point.
Sorry you feel lonely, greenkittie. If you're really pretty though, maybe girls are jealous/suspicious of you (as Dagon suggests). I've a friend who is the nicest, coolest person you could meet, yet tons of girls hate her. Why? Because she's so beautiful. They're jealous and they assume she's vain/gonna steal their boyfriends. Even girls I know who are normally so lovely become irrational bitches when it comes to this girl.

On the other hand:

Dragan wrote: »

I mean, are you sure your really that approachable? Your response to the Free Hugs thread in AH would lead me to believe that perhaps, you are not?

Not knocking on you at all, just speaking from experience.

I'm gonna have to second this: there was a thread started recently by a 20-year-old girl who was wondering why she felt so broody so young. I and another girl mentioned our age in our responding posts (both 29) and you made a comment like "to the 29-year-olds, tick tick tick..." Maybe you were messing but it didn't seem like messing to me. If you were serious, that's a very judgemental thing to say and I have to admit it didn't give me a great impression of you as a Boards poster.
I'm not trying to be harsh but would you be as tactless in real life? Because making comments like that is bound to alienate you.

denhaagenite

greenkittie wrote: »

I'm an attractive, intelligent, funny girl,

The rest of the class are guys and anytime i tried to make friends with them they just thought i was flirting and then disliked me when they realised i wasnt.

This sounds a bit suss tbh OP. I find it hard to believe that every guy in your class thought you were flirting with them (unless you were). By the sound of some of your posts have you ever considered that there is actually something about your personality that does suggest that you think you're better than some people?

Not trying to insult you, just trying to get to the bottom of your problem. It's difficult to stand back and take a look at yourself but you seem to think that every guy you meet fancies you..... If someone said those things to me I wouldn't particularly want to hang out with them either.

Davei141

Dudess wrote: »

Davei141, while it's true that good-looking people get ahead in a lot of respects, Dagon has made a fair point.

I dont think its that fair a point. A LOT of people who have no friends assume that everyone is jealous of them, its hardly going to do the OP any favours with Dagon filling her head with that rubbish. I know a fair few fruitcakes who think everyone is jealous of them. And they're loners. About the girls being bitchy as hell i agree with that, but when ive seen it first hand the person who the girls hate is ridiculously popular with many friends of both sexes. If she cant get any friends i think its beyond just "your too beautiful honey dont let them drag you down" rubbish that dagon is spouting.

I'm not trying to be harsh but would you be as tactless in real life? Because making comments like that is bound to alienate you.

Most of the people who cant get any friends say a lot of stuff like that all the time, And then wonder why nobody likes them. And wonder is it jealousy.

Extraplus

Thaedydal wrote: »

Maybe it is because you come across arrogant and judgemental ?
Maybe you try to hard.

+1

The tone of your posts would suggest this to me. Not having a go but if you really want to make friends, maybe this is something you need to address.

Jack B. Badd

Thaedydal wrote: »

Maybe it is because you come across arrogant and judgemental ?

I find myself agreeing with this statement/question after reading the op.
Greenkittie, it sounds from your posts that you consider this to be a problem with the people around you rather than what it probably is which is a problem with the common factor in these situations, i.e. you. Maybe you're just not as au fait with the conventions of the social scene as you think.
Your mates say you're weird but have grown on them. I suggest you ask what this means as it could help you get to the core problem.

Girrrrseach

Thaedydal wrote: »

Maybe it is because you come across arrogant and judgemental ?
Maybe you try to hard.

Im kind of in the same boat with agreeance with this.... You do seem nice, but a little blinded.

However.

I understand the situation you are in. A lot of people that you think are popular beyond belief, are often qute lonely people. You need to take small steps. Like going for that coffee that you said you would. Look at it from other angles also - You mention you have a boyfriend, do you get on with his friends? Also maybe strike up an accord with something, something simple, like if somebody drops into a conversation that they like Snow Patrol or something, make connections with that person by saying that you once seen them in concert (terrible example, but the only one I could come up with, but hopefully you get the idea)

As has been said before, you seem to be concentrating on the problems that others seem to have, while seemingly not your own. Have you had a good long HONEST sit down with yourself and asked why your life is like this? You may not like what you hear yourself say, but, its a start to understanding it.

greenkittie

ok i went out tonight, and i tried really hard. It didnt work, i felt like ****e. Came home, all i saw was negative comments on this, now im sitting on my own crying. All i wanted was a little encouragement but you all made me feel like ****. thanks.

Dennis the Stone

Greenkittie, you remind me of myself about two years ago... Calm down a bit. There is much worse in life than feeling lonely and out of place. There are thousands out there like you, just try to stop thinking about it. Believe me, it will pass. Then onto the next worry

greenkittie

thanks still feel **** but thanks anyways your right shouldnt worry about it

greenkittie

thanks for leaving me crying. hope you all feel proud of yourselves. thats the end im never trying again.

greenkittie

god i just feel so low. i just wish i was a better person who peoplw could get on with. im such a failure. whats the point when you're as big a falure as me?

Dennis the Stone

Go sleep on it, nothing is as bad in the morning

Drift

Hey greenkittie, can i ask how much you had to drink tonight. If you've had more than one or two it may not be the time to be reading posts about things people think you should work on changing. In fact regardless of whether you've been drinking or not at 2.30 in the morning no-one is in a good condition to hear criticism, constructive or otherwise.

You're a regular enough poster on boards to know that vast vast majority of people who post on PI do it to try and help other people just like themselves. No-one who posted here was trying to make you cry. Perhaps reading the posts with a clear head in the morning might help.

I think the way you may have read things in a very defensive way tonight and you might be feeling quite sorry for yourself. No-one here thinks you actually are a bad person they're just trying to aid you in a search for why you're finding it tough to make friends. So try to look at things with a slightly more open mind - assess yourself in a critical fashion but unemotionally in the cold hard light of day, it may help clarify things a bit more.

But for now bed for you young woman

Naos

Greenkittie, I understand you're upset, however...

You come here looking for advice and poeple state you may be coming across as arrogant.

You cannot take this constructive criticism and say things such as "I hope you are all proud of yourselves".

Stop blaming others for your shortcomings.

LegacyUser

I think your all being ridiculously harsh on the OP to be honest...

It is very easy to leave somewhere your comfortable with and go to a new place and struggle.

For example, in Dublin, lads in different areas have their own jokes/cliques/stuff to talk about/things to do lark and there content with their circle of friends etc...

If your part of that clique, then leave to go elsewhere to try things out, it can be very hard to meet new people because you have groomed yourself and your attitude and you tend to stay the same...

Jack B. Badd

greenkittie wrote: »

thanks for leaving me crying. hope you all feel proud of yourselves. thats the end im never trying again.

There's a good chance that the histrionics may be contributing towards what you perceive as people's dislike for you. I assume you had a few drinks in you at this time so throwing a tantrum is understandable. Nonetheless, if this is the way you react to things you don't like, even if only when drunk, then I can understand how some people could take a while to warm to you.
You have stated that you love to party. Do you drink or get drunk when you go out and party? If so, maybe laying off the booze for a while might help other's perceptions of you.
Also as one poster above said, try to look for common points of interest with people when you socialise (partying and drinking do not really qualify as common points of interest). Maybe there are classes or a club (like public speaking) that could help you improve your interpersonal skills.

daiixi

The simple fact that you've been a member of boards.ie since July 2006 and you come onto PI hoping that people are going to give you a magical answer and/or be all lovely and friendly saying "it'll be alright, it's them not you" shows that you obviously don't fully grasp the world around you. Is that such a bad thing? No it's not. Unless, of course, you crave to be loved and fully accepted by the world around you. Well wake up and join reality honey, life just isn't like that. Tbh you probably just reek of desperation and needyness and most people just aren't attracted to that.

togster

Greenkite i feel for you. Some of the posters here have been OTT in their response imo. You sound like a nice person. You just need to keep trying, there are tools everywhere in life. Work at being not one of them.

Chin up and keep plugging away. It will get better.

LegacyUser

A lot of people particularly on the PI board but also society in general are very quick to make bigger things out of nothing in my experience and are very quick to jump on the "Oh you should get depression tablets....you should go to a councellor...or go ring the Samaritans..." and these people may be trying to help but i have to admit sometimes it is just easier to pass the responsibility onto someone or something else and of the responses you are getting some people just sound really bitter and f$cked in the head...All these peope don't fully know your situation no matter how well you describe it so in my opinion, a bit of encouragement and motivation as opposed to semi-put downs and "reality" checks would go down a lot better I feel...

Marksie

Greenkittie: I am going to ask you why you reacted like this in your last few posts.
at 2:00in the morning. You effectively nblamed posters here for making yuo feel that way, then said because we hadn't replied within 30 minutes that we had been responsible for it.

That in itself is saying to me that the issue is how you are perceiving peoples actions not what they are actually doing that is the issue here.
You may be trying top hard.
You may be judgmental

But you ARE seeing a lot into what people are saying here and thus when you meet them in RL totally negatively and personally.

So rather than accepting people you are analysing and judging based on what you believe hey are doing.

Such may not be the case.

Nevyn

Oh did I for get the spoonful of sugar ?

LegacyUser

Thaedydal wrote: »

Oh did I for get the spoonful of sugar ?

I don't get it.

Lockstep

cheesedude wrote: »

I don't get it.

Just a spoonful of sugar,
helps the medicine go down
the medicine go down
the medicine go down
just a spoonful of sugar, helps the medicine go down,
in the most delightful waaaaay.



I'm guessing Thaedydal meant was that people were telling her what was wrong (the medicine) but weren't sugar coating it (the sugar)

Dudess

greenkittie, while plenty of people will be reading After Hours between 2am and 2.30am on a Friday night, nobody's gonna be reading Personal Issues!
Plus, people have also said encouraging, positive things to you. Don't just focus on the negative.
It seems you're definitely reading into things too much. You need to just relax and be yourself. Maybe being overpoweringly nice is putting people off? You might be coming across as fake. Do you feel if you just behave as you normally would, then people might consider you not friendly enough? Screw 'em. You shouldn't feel under pressure to act super-nice all the time, that's just exhausting and gives off vibes of desperation. There's a girl at work with me who's all SUPER-DUPER nice and I find her annoying, to be honest. And dreadfully insincere. Being greeted by her first thing in the morning is like a full-on assault!
I think you should stop TRYING to be nice and just work on your confidence and being happier in yourself.

Blackpitts

Hey Kittie
I know how u feel, making friends in this city is hard sometimes.
Don't lose your hopes, keep smiling and be friendly with all the people around you.
If I guy comes to u in a pub, don't kick him away with a dirty look, just talk to him and dont be afraid, not all the guys want just a one night stand.
Personally i find girls here too much defensive and up to their own arses, so be down to earth and you will definitely attract the interest of someone around u.
good luck!!!

Extraplus

cheesedude wrote: »

All these peope don't fully know your situation no matter how well you describe it so in my opinion, a bit of encouragement and motivation as opposed to semi-put downs and "reality" checks would go down a lot better I feel...

The OP has asked for help and opinions, which she has received, whether or not they were what she wanted to hear.

The OP has tried really hard over a long period of time in many different venues to make new friends but has been unsuccessful. This begs the question 'is it the rest of the world, or maybe something the OP needs to address'?

People have picked up on things that may be holding the OP back in what she wants to achieve in the hopes of helping her, not to put her down.

And OP - your responses have re-inforced my previous opinion. You may need to re-assess your attitude in order to meet new friends. This doesn't mean you are a failure or anything like it. It does mean you have something definite to concentrate on in order to achieve your goal.

Talliesin

greenkittie wrote: »

I'm an attractive,

No. Clearly either you're not attractive, or your deliberately avoiding all the people who want to be your friend.

If you are attractive you attract, if you're not, you don't. That's what the word means.

Now, there's a million things worse than not being attractive (for a start, it's much better than being attractive to certain other people). But this has to be one of the most clear-cut case of people refusing to look at what might be causing their issues in the history of this forum - you're very first sentence claims that you don't have the problem that you then complain about.

If being attractive is important to you, and apparently it is, how the hell are you going to start working on that if you're claiming that you already are. Affirming qualities you want to have is one thing, there is indeed a time and a place for telling yourself that you are attractive, but what's the point when you are looking for help with your not being attractive?

greenkittie wrote: »

I think the 4 girls in the class dont like me cause i never got in with thier clique and they are all kinda typical overweight ugly computer girls.

Here's a good case of you being unattractive here.

greenkittie wrote: »

i think i look and act normal.

What the hell is normal?

You have nothing weird about you at all? How weird.

greenkittie wrote: »

Ok lots of people responded to that bit,

No ****.

greenkittie wrote: »

heh i am angry at them NOW, angry for never giving me a chance over the past few years but ive never been anything but nice and friendly to them.

Eh? Who said they owed you a chance at anything?

Why should they? I have lots of friends and don't have your problem at all, but that certainly doesn't mean that any given person will be friendly with me or even like me in the slightest. Why would you expect that?

But maybe you should pay a bit of attention to the fact that you are calling people "typical overweight ugly computer girls", and more to the fact arguing that the reason they don't like you is that they are "typical overweight ugly computer girls".

What exactly do you mean by that, and why do you not expect "typical overweight computer girls" to like you, and given that you have a reason for not expecting "typical overweight ugly computer girls" to like you, why do you also expect them to like you?

Never mind the fact that you come over as a nasty little asshole when you say that, of the fact that using "computer girls" pejoratively somewhere that still has a very high percentage of self-declared geeks and nerds rather argues against your self-description earlier as being "intelligent", or even the fact that if that's what you think of them it's hard to see why you want to be friends with them at all. Let's just focus on the fact that you are constantly arguing about how you have no problem, it's always... well, everyone else whatsoever it seems.

Does this seem like you are working from an objective analysis of your situation, or like you're just spending your mental energy on keeping your own ego protected?

Maybe you're just averagely attractive. Most of us aren't particularly likely to repel or attract people. Most people aren't friends with most other people. Of the thousands upon thousands of people that we each meet most of us will only be friends with a few of them, and make only a few truly close friends over the course of our entire lives. That tends to be enough for many of us to have deep and important friendships. You seem to be expecting things to go otherwise for you, and it seems likely to make you less, rather than more, attractive.

GuanYin

I'm attractive, intelligent and fun and I get on just fine.

Mind you, I hate just about everyone and don't care what anyone thinks, but people still love me (or hate me, but I don't really care, everyone exists for my amusement anyway).

If you really don't get on with people in your class, they probably just aren't the people for you. Look at people who have similar life (not career) interests. In the end, there is very little point of trying to befriend people you don't respect and it doesn't sound from your post like you respect them very much.

That means putting youself out there and you might find you're not as confident and great as you think. Everyone (except me) suffers from insecurities and doubt, but find the right niche and you'll be fine.

Last bit of advice? Be more like me and life will be great.

(Mods, check with Beruthiel, everything I'm saying is actually true and not a troll).

Zillah

greenkittie wrote:

god i just feel so low. i just wish i was a better person who peoplw could get on with. im such a failure. whats the point when you're as big a falure as me?

I would really suggest you give the drink a rest. You don't really seem to have a handle on yourself. On one hand you say you try to be really nice and friendly to the computer girls, and yet you describe them in such a horrible fashion.

People don't want friendships for the sake of them, they want people to be friends with, if you're forcing it and putting on a bit of an act it'll never go past the aquaintaince stage.

PSI: Las Vegas wrote: »

Mind you, I hate just about everyone and don't care what anyone thinks, but people still love me (or hate me, but I don't really care, everyone exists for my amusement anyway).

I always thought the bit in brackets seemed a little forced.

Canis Lupus

greenkittie wrote: »

thanks for leaving me crying. hope you all feel proud of yourselves. thats the end im never trying again.

greenkittie wrote: »

god i just feel so low. i just wish i was a better person who peoplw could get on with. im such a failure. whats the point when you're as big a falure as me?

greenkittie wrote: »

ok i went out tonight, and i tried really hard. It didnt work, i felt like ****e. Came home, all i saw was negative comments on this, now im sitting on my own crying. All i wanted was a little encouragement but you all made me feel like ****. thanks.

Duuuuuuurama queen!

It's really really really hard to not even be able to make one friend. For someone who is, according to yourself, funny and attractive etc etc that's gotta be saying something. Maybe you're an anomaly or maybe your just plain fake.

Who knows??!!

St Bill

Way to convince yourself, PSI: Las Vegas

OP, don't expect so much from other people. They don't owe you anything. Maybe you're finding it hard to get close to others because you judge them before you even get to know them? People can pick up on things like that.

Tobias Greeshman

Dudess wrote: »

There's a girl at work with me who's all SUPER-DUPER nice and I find her annoying, to be honest. And dreadfully insincere. Being greeted by her first thing in the morning is like a full-on assault!
I think you should stop TRYING to be nice and just work on your confidence and being happier in yourself.

I'd agree with this, I think the whole thing when it comes to making friends has to be a natural thing and cannot be really forced. I know if someone seems to nice to me all the time, I'd be getting worried that they're either want something from me or just have some alterer motive. Not trying to sound paranoid now or anything, and I think when it comes to girls acting friendly with guys, they'll think why she's so friendly all of a sudden, and naturally think you're flirting with them. Naturally when they find out this isn't the case they're pride will be a little hurt and be a little pissed off with ya.

I don't have any other advice other than have some patience and don't try to force a friendship with anyone. If you become friends it should happen by itself. And I'd totally agree Dublin is a terrible place to meet new friends.