i can't cope

LegacyUser

sorry to bother you with my whining.

to be clear: I'm not really looking for a solution or advice, I have spent a huge amount of time looking at my situation from every angle; there is nothing to be done but live with/through it.

i'm not taking the "so, I'm bisexual, I simply have to cheat, tell me its ok" line. its furthest from my mind.

I'm female, bisexual, and I have a long term girlfriend. We could not be closer, if anything ever happened to her, I would top myself instantly. She is my family, an external section of my own mind and soul. We do everything together, and she knows every word of what I am discussing here.

I have a wandering eye, which is fine, I'm young and an adult. Unfortunately, I have this tendency to form intense and innapproriate attachments to male friends of mine, its happened three times in ten years. I know one of them knew well what was going on, and it was mutual, but just wasn't meant to be. The others I have no clue one way or the other. The guilt and the frustration I feel is crushing me. I feel guilty for how this might make my girlfriend feel, and I feel guilty for how I feel about a close friend.

I 'm afriad to say anything else, because I'd just die if this got back to the guy in question.

thank you for reading

unreggd

Im not sure what exactly your problem is

What do you mean by "intense and innapproriate attachments"??

Have you done anything you should feel guilty about?

Have you told your girlfriend how you feel on this subject?

LegacyUser

I have told her, in depth. She says she's fine, and not to worry.

If I just wanted to ride these people, that would be fine. But (and I don't say something like this lightly) falling in love with other people is not ok.

secondly, I suppose I feel guilty because while a really like like both men and women, its as if i do it with entirely different parts of my brain. The way I feel attracted to women is wholely different that how I feel attracted to men. And, as dramatic as this sounds, it makes me feel like I am keeping some little part of myself away from her.

I don't know if I am actually doing anything wrong, god knows I am trying not to. I can't seem to get enough emotional distance to judge my behaviour.

The problem is the guilt and the frustration, and one makes the other worse.

unreggd

Well you've either cheated [as in had something physical with someone else] or you havent

I think the problem is as you said, you like guys and girls in different ways, and you want to like your gf in all the ways

hope your situation gets better soon

azezil

So you're feeling guilty because you're an emotional cheater, well then perhaps she's just not right for you.

LegacyUser

Hi

OP - can I ask you what these guys could provide you with that your GF cannot? what are you missing out on? (and dont just say 'the cock')

I'm a straight lad and my girlfriend who i love very much is bi. i am fine with this but i'd be lying if i said there wasnt a tiny past of me that worries that i cannot give her everything she needs...it sometimes bothers me that i cannot fullfil her full sexual spectrum, as it were.

Is it simply a case of wanting what you cant have? or is it something deeper which you are lacking?

more info would be great, thanks.

LegacyUser

azezil - "emotional cheater" is a meaningless Dr Phil catchprase, and far too shallow and simplistic to describe anything in my situation. i don't have a button on the side of my head which I can press to abort any emotions I may find distasteful. Further, she is the one for me, I don't doubt it for a second.


flip-side - I'm not looking to be provided with anything. My girlfriend leaves me wanting for nothing. And the sexual aspect is the least difficult to deal with - I've always been a highly-sexed person, me finding people attractive (male or female) is nothing new.

anotherlostie

This sounds to me like little more than showing off! I have a woman and can get a man whenever I want.

Do you want a medal? Or to be put up on a cross?

anotherlostie

That's my impression of the post. Mine.

Just like the aggressive tone of your reply. Yours.


I fail to see what the issue is with the OP.

LegacyUser

how could you possibly get that attitude from what I posted. I am wracked with guilt about how I feel. Sounds to me like you have some sort of hang up that has nothing to do with what I said.

unreggd

anotherlostie wrote: »

I fail to see what the issue is with the OP.

Me too

Its like she's sayin "Everythings grand, but i feel like crap because everything is sh;t"

OP, are you actually lookin for advice?