Need advice about booze!

LegacyUser

hi there, I am looking for advice about counselling or a group I can attend to get my drinking undercontrol. It is causing so many problems at home that I have decided I need to take action. My husband is really annoyed and I don't think it is fair on my kids. I usually drink wine but only at the week ends. I rarely drink on my own and usually with my husband. We would share a bottle on a Fri night and share 2 on a Sat night. I am normally tipsey by the end of the night. My problem is that I do not recognise when I have had enough. This has been an issue before so I do not drink wine on a night out. As I have got very plastered in the past and have made a show of myself. When I go out now I drink beer and conduct myself quiet well. I do not black out and usually have a great night.

Yesterday I called into a neighbour and she offered me a glass of wine. I said sure why not it's like having a beer after work and I had the dinner all organised. Unfortunately, when my hubby got home I was still in my friends. The kids had eaten there so I though what harm. He didn't see it like that when he called over. I was blotto! I know I am not a nice person when I am pissed on wine and i should stick to beer. Wine is too easy and strong for me. What should I do. My hubby will not accept my apologies and tell sme I have a drink problem. I think he is right as I get plastereed on wine. But i do enjoy our evenings in ot the weekend. It is probably more sipping and I do not get plastered. Should I give up drinking all together? Or do I need to put something in practice in order to help me drink sensibly. My neighbour also got into trouble with her husband over this as she got blotto too!

tbh

it's really hard to tell from your post if you have a drinking problem or if your husband is a bit overbearing. How drunk do you get and what kind of things do you do?

You know, if you think it's a problem, maybe you should give wine a miss. If someone offers you a glass, say that it makes you sick and stick to beer, or tea

on further reflection: Spritzers! third of a glass of wine, and some sprite or 7up. Just make sure you drink it slowly, that way, you're only having one glass of wine for every three spritzers you drink.

Oryx

You pretty much said it yourself that you have to give up wine. Regardless of whether you see it as a real problem, its affecting others (your hb) and in your post you mention you get 'blotto' and do stupid things. So why not try staying off it for a bit? Even just swapping to beer like you said, which is a weaker drink.

The AAshould be able to give you more advice, they are the most obvious place to start. Im not saying youre a raging alcoholic, but youve realised you need to change before it does become a bigger problem, and theyd be a good organisation to take advice from. There is a non drinkers forum here too, which might be worth looking at.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice. Some of my friends reckon that my husband is being overbearing or controling but I do think he is right. I should not be like this infront of my children. Actually I do need advice regaring this too. My hubby wants me to sit down with our children (7+8) and talk to them bout it and to apologise fro being so pissed. I am really uncomfortable about this so any opinions would be great.
When I get plastered on vino I get 'scorpy', very unpleasant and argumentive. I also black out.I do know that beer suits me better and I do not drink as much. On a night out I have also drank G&T's and I have been fine too. It really seems to me that the problem is wine. My friend tends to be like me too and her hubby has got on at her also for not recognising the signs of when enough is enough.
But I think I really need to know if I have a drink problem or not. I have been on the AA web site and I think it is more geared towards people who are alcolohics who ought to give up entirely.

I don't think you have a drink problem, you are just drinking the wrong drink.

Stick to beer or as tbh said Spritzers

I can only drink wine when staying in and even that I limit myself (well try to)
When I drink it while out I drink too fast and its get's me a lot drunker (Obviously)
to the point my friends, family and boyfriend have said to stop so I can sypathise with you. I switch drinks when i go out the odd time and that seems to be fine

Beruthiel

123unreg wrote: »

Thanks for the advice. Some of my friends reckon that my husband is being overbearing or controling but I do think he is right. I should not be like this infront of my children. Actually I do need advice regaring this too. My hubby wants me to sit down with our children (7+8) and talk to them bout it and to apologise fro being so pissed. I am really uncomfortable about this so any opinions would be great.

First off, getting pissed in front of your 7 & 8 year old is a big no no and would suggest you have a problem there.
Sit back and think about it, if you were to do this on a regular basis then they are going to grow up thinking this is a perfectly normal thing to do. Is that what you want? When they hit their teenage years and start drinking, you won't have a leg to stand on, after all, if it's good enough for you....

With regards to apologising, was this a once off?
Were they in the same room watching you or off playing in another room?
Did you actually do anything that actually requires you apologising to them?
Were they upset?
If it were me and it was a once off and no harm done, I would not be apologising to anyone.
However, if it's going on a lot and you upset them, then that's a different story.

When I get plastered on vino I get 'scorpy', very unpleasant and argumentive.

Then you must stop drinking it.

LegacyUser

No this is not happening regularly. I did it about 2 months ago and possibly 2 months previous to that. I am well aware that is should not happen in front of my children. They were not sitting watching me and were playing in another room however they are upset about it but more about the argument later. My hubby got really angry and was shouting and swearing which I cannot abide.
I do think tha teven if they had been in bed and it was later in the evening my hubby would still have been annoyed so as valid as he is about the kids they are being used to a certain degree to make me feel guilty. As I really do. I should not have done it when they were around.
I will definatey chuck the wine though. Spritzers do not work for me as I only end up leaving out the tonic at some stage. I just drink the wine too fast if I am in the company of my friends. I am more disciplined at home with my husband.

Same happens to me when I've has enough and I have blacked out also
Is it white wine only you drink?
Try a rose wine or even white wine pref below 10% with 7up

humanji

123unreg wrote: »

No this is not happening regularly. I did it about 2 months ago and possibly 2 months previous to that. I am well aware that is should not happen in front of my children. They were not sitting watching me and were playing in another room however they are upset about it but more about the argument later. My hubby got really angry and was shouting and swearing which I cannot abide.

Sounds like your husband should be apologising to your kids also.

LegacyUser

I drink both red and white wine. Red at the weekend with hubby and white with the girls.

I did suggest to my hubby he try to control his anger in front of the kids but he said that the situation was caused by me and that it is about me and not him. I think he thought I was trying to turn things around, I have told him I will address my problem but he needs to address his too. He is refusing to talk to me until tonight, as he is so angry with me. Fair enough I suppose but I have apologised and am going to do something about this problem. What else can I do? If I could go back in time I wouldn't have gone round there at all.

tbh

ok, take ownership of your problem. Don't drink wine anymore. If your husband is still getting angry once you've stopped, you are in a good position to ask him to get help, seeing as you've sorted your problem. It sounds to me like this problem has an easy answer - stop drinking wine. Why is that hard for you to do?

How Strange

IMO, part of the problem is that we have substituted the cup of tea with a glass of wine when we stay in. We think we deserve it and inevitably end up drinking far more than one glass.

Myself and himself gave up the wine at home thing recently and I have to say I don't miss it one bit. In fact it is great to bounce out of the bed on a sat and sun morning.

I'm like the OP and can get very pissed on wine and have to watch myself.
I'd say cut out the wine at home full stop. Save it for accompanying a nice dinner when you are out.

I really think drinking wine at home is a dangerous habit as it has been proven that women (in particular women from late 30's up) are becoming dependent/alcoholics (pick the word you prefer) from drinking wine at home.

LegacyUser

My gf is the same, she gets hammered on wine and can't stop herself.
Now she drinks beer when we're out unless it's ok to get wasted, then she's back on wine for the evening.

Perhaps you two should set up a new rule? No drinking in the home at all? Sure, your hubby to cut back the weekend drinking too as to not "force" you to drink too.

Beruthiel

123unreg wrote: »

No this is not happening regularly. I did it about 2 months ago and possibly 2 months previous to that. I am well aware that is should not happen in front of my children. They were not sitting watching me and were playing in another room however they are upset about it but more about the argument later. My hubby got really angry and was shouting and swearing which I cannot abide..

From a childs point of view, seeing your Ma a bit drunk once or twice is nothing compared to seeing your parents shouting at each other. That is a much more scarey experience for any child to go through.
Fair play to my parents, they never once had a row in front of me, nor did I in front of my daughter when she was young and impressionable.
That kind of thing can stay with you into your own relationships when you get older.
When your husband is calm, point that out to him.
Does he want his kids thinking it's perfectly normal to be with someone who treats them like that?
You've got to cut that right out. If he needs to have words with you, then it's done when they are in bed or out of hearing range. End of.

Dragan

Deleted User wrote: »

Same happens to me when I've has enough and I have blacked out also
Is it white wine only you drink?
Try a rose wine or even white wine pref below 10% with 7up

Hmmm, turning into a wagon and blacking out are not normal and should never be accepted parts of drinking, to be honest.

OP, seems to me like you are aware that you have a limit and just need to stay within that limit.

LegacyUser

Dargan, I know I have a limit but my problem is recognising it. I don't get that feeling of I've had enough or I'm getting tipsey I just keep going. I have changed many of my drinking habit over the years in order to combat this. One being that I don't drink wine out. Unless over a meal but I always go back to beer. I think I should stop drinking wine all together and make it a rule. I am just afraid that while I know I am not an alcoholic that it is a drink problem all the same. I have also stopped drinking wine in certain company as I cannot drink one for one and end up too pissed. Way before every one else. I am better on beer. I would not like to give up drinking all together but maybe I should prove to myself that I can.

humanji

Make sure to tell your husband that. It'll be a lot easier if he supports you giving up wine as he'll be there to stop you when you think about having some.

tbh

if you can't stop, don't start. You're kidding yourself if you think anything else will work. Drink doesn't suit some people, and some drinks specifically don't drink some people. It's like you're saying "everytime i stick my finger in the socket, I get a shock, has anyone any advice?"

amimad07

OP- the problem here is that we drink wine in the same way and speed we would drink beverages with a lower alcohol content hence why everyone who drinks alot of it gets blottoed!

Wine should be enjoyed slowly with good food and lots of it! in future try stick to the beers or tea or whatever you know you can handle

im the same with wine i could easily drink 3 bottles but will probably start arguments,make a show of myself and not have a clue how i got to bed!

Dont beat yourself up about it- you got p*ssed and know not to be in that position again around the kids.. good luck

xx

Victor

Also inform yourself on how you drink and what gets you into trouble. AA and your GP might have information

You mention drinking before dinner - was this on an empty stomach? However, be careful, your body will process food before alcohol and will result in a higher blood alcohol level over a longer period.

Are you on medication of any kind? What does the leaflet say about alcohol? Alcohol can interfere many medications on a temporary basis, resulting in over/under dosing and consequent mental and behavioural changes.

johnnyskeleton

Try post here for some sympathy and advice because it sound more like you want to cut back rather than having a serious alcohol problem.

curehead

what the definition of insanity ? repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result every time .
switching drinks will not work either you have a dependency on alcohol no matter what form
it comes in , best thing is to stop now (trust me i know )
read a book call the alcohol and addiction cure by Chris Prentiss you will see what i mean plus its an enjoyable read even if you decide to continue down this road .
best of luck '( do it for yourself nobody else )

if you think this is a bit harsh pm me for a chat

Jigsaw

I would say that you have no problem with alcohol. You just need to alter what you do to suit your preferences. As someone who drinks like a f**king fish I would say that you are being too hard on yourself. Being pissed in front of the kids is not a good thing but apart from that yuo seem to drink little. That probably says more about me than does about you.

Either way, I hope you find the solution you seek.

How Strange

Jigsaw wrote: »

I would say that you have no problem with alcohol. You just need to alter what you do to suit your preferences. As someone who drinks like a f**king fish I would say that you are being too hard on yourself. Being pissed in front of the kids is not a good thing but apart from that yuo seem to drink little. That probably says more about me than does about you.

Methinks there's the problem with this bit of advice

LegacyUser

johnnyskeleton wrote: »

it sound more like you want to cut back rather than having a serious alcohol problem.

It sounds to me like the OP does not want ot admit she has an alcohol problem.

1. Doesn't matter what you drink beer wine G&T etc, the symptoms of intoxication are the same. So how come she only doesn't recognise them when she drinks wine?

2. She gets stroppy and argumentative with drink. Most people get happy, silly. In vino veritas. Maybe she has some underlying problesm that are coming out under the influence?

3. Blackouts are a sign of trouble.

Also, the husband should know, like most of us, that when your OH is under the influence is not a good time to pick a fight. Wait thill they're sober.

Sorry to be so harsh OP, but I think you need to have a think about this.

Your GP can refer you to an alcohol treatment unit for outpatients where they deal with all forms of alcohol use/abuse. You don't have to be an alcoholic, but it sounds like you have a few issues around alcohol alright.