Away from Home

LegacyUser

Hi, currently living abroad in Canada for about 4 or 5 months now after living all my life in Ireland. I've had a great time so far, made alot of friends and I feel I've grown alot. It's just a year work visa thing by the way.

I've been wanting to do this trip for years, and I am glad I did it. I feel all the better for it. It's just, it's hard being away from home. I miss Ireland, even if it is crap sometimes with horrible weather and stuff like that. I have alot of family and friends back home. It feels sometimes like that's where my life is going on and I'm not there...that probably didn't make sense but I hope you can understand me. Not the most articulate person in the world.

The thing is, when I think about it and search myself, I think the only reason I am still here is to show people back home I could so something like this. I'm 23 btw and have lived all my life in Ireland. I don't know any Irish people here, afaik I could be the only one around here, not such a bad thing though. I wouldn't want my family to think I quit this after I've been saying for so long how badly I've wanted to do it. I'm really only here in the hope that they visit in the Summer, and if they don't, I will be gutted. I don't want to come home early if I think there is any chance some of them will.

I am very close with my family. Our mother died over a year and a half ago, and I'm thinking these thoughts and I don't dare tell anyone else, I worry about seeing them again. I felt like this before I went, but in the end I thought what would be the point in staying there, something could easily happen and I still wouldn't be able to do anything. When I think about back home I get this anxious feeling and it's like sinking in water.

So what do I do? I'm due to go back for a 2 week visit this month, I'm afraid being back home might influence my choice, but maybe it will be like coming up for air and I'll be able to last the next few months until Summer. Any of you guys ever been away from home?

Sherifu

Farsider wrote: »

The thing is, when I think about it and search myself, I think the only reason I am still here is to show people back home I could so something like this.

If that's really the only reason you're doing it, go home.

star-pants

Hey OP,

I was in a similar situation 2 years ago, I went to Australia (supposed to be for a year to get work in my degree field) in the Feb, I was 22 at the time and like you had never been away like that before. I went with a friend from college.
But after a while of not getting the work we wanted I was so so homesick, I would cry so much because I missed everyone and wanted to just be home again. But I felt the same as you - can't let people down / don't want to be a failure / need to prove I can do this.

When it came down to it - after 4 months, I couldn't do it anymore, and I told my mother how I felt about letting everyone down and she told me that no matter what I chose to do they'd always be proud of me. And so I came home. It's the same with your friends and family -- noone is going to go 'oh, you didn't last then?' -- they love you and are proud no matter what.

Maybe take this two week break as a judge - you say you feel you've come a long way - you might see that when you come home, that you will want to do the rest of your Canada trip, or that you might want to stay in Ireland. Best time to decide might be on the plane , when you're in neither country.

I will say it was lovely to be home, catching up with everyone. But part of me still wonders how my life would be had I stayed. Not that my life hasn't been good whilst I've been home. My friend is still there with a fantastic job and she's quite happy. She comes home once a year to see family & catch up.
But it's not for everyone. If you look inside and listen to your true feelings (ignore anything to do with anyone but *you*) -- they'll tell you how you feel / what you want.
You have to be doing this (whatever it is) for you, and only you. It's your life hun and noone else can choose what's best for you.

I hope you can come to a decision *hug*

MajorMax

I left home when I was 16 lived in London for 2 years and then went to America for 10 years, grow up and take advantage of this opportunity instead of moping around feeling sorry for yourself, enjoy the experience. Sorry for the rant

Meathlass

You've already provided you can go away and live on your own. It's suprising how many people won't do that so lighten up on yourself. If the only reason you are staying on is in the hope people come and visit you then you need to go home, and there's no shame in it.

What's your social life like in Canada, is your only outlet work? Or do you have a group of friends you can hang around with? I find when I'm away from home on my own for long periods of time I get very lonely but once I have a group to hang out with. I'm fine.

You'll find when you go home that nothing's changed, that all your friends are still the same even though everything might have changed for you. Your aniexty about being away is probably caused by your mum's death and is understandable but as you said you couldn't do anything at home anyway.

echosound

Visit for the two weeks and see how you feel then. If you really do miss being at home, there's absolutely no shame in deciding to move back over, it's your life and people will be happy to see you more often anyway. You've moved to Canada, gotten the experience (which a lot of people would love to have the guts to do) and so what if you decide you prefer to go back home for a while? There's also nothing stopping you from moving away again after a while,perhaps even to another country for a different experience, if you do move back either....

However most people will go though a bit of a "rose tinted glasses" phase when they leave home, suddenly you forget about the stuff you didn't like, and you concentrate on the good aspects and make them out to be better that they actually were when you were experiencing them daily. If that's all this is, then go home for the visit, get to enjoy all the fun stuff without the daily humdrum routine, and head back over to Canada with the knowledge that if you do decide you want to move back, you can do so at any time. Your visa is a year long right? so you also know that more than likely you'll be back in Ireland in another 6-odd months anyway, and you can enjoy your experience for what it is while it lasts

jester77

You do what makes you happy! Quite simple. If you are not happy away from home then go home. You have nothing to prove to others, it's your life and you have to make the most of it. I left Ireland 6 years ago and I couldn't be happier, even though most of my friends and family are there. They are just a phone call away and flights are cheap, it's easy to hop on a flight to Ireland from anywhere in the world. Go home in 2 weeks and see how you feel and then act on those feelings according to how you feel and not how you perceive what others will think of you!

topper75

12 months isn't so bad. I'd stick it out. Sure Ireland will be there for the rest of your life.

Yes, that's right. The rest of your life. Fianna Fail for the rest of your life. Rubbish health system, a media obsessed with Z-list celebrities, rain-soaked summers, €3 brown muck coffee, tracksuited skangers, silly-accented yuppies, laughable transport system, traffic gridlock, narrow-minded biddies, bleached hair orange skin clones, boyracers drifting, pink-faced combover fatcat developers for the rest of your life. Homesick yet? A rugby/soccer team from the cast of sesame street, big issue sellers, atmosphere-free pubs, the howling wind, gangland killings, eternal roadworks ... for the rest of your life. Far away hills can seem green - I asure you - the ones here are not. Oh - and it's raining right now. Has been pretty much since Christmas. How much was that fare to Canada?

flo8s967qjh0nd

Stick it out, you'll always regret it if you don't!!

What part of Canada are you in?

derek27

Farsider, it's a big ask to be expecting your family members to come to Canada to see you... remember the journey you had to endure yourself to get there, and the cost associtated with it? It's hard to expect that a whole group of family members will simultaneously get time off work and possibly childminders etc. just to come over and see you there.

I don't know you, or any of your family, but I think you should be expecting that them coming to visit this summer is not going to happen. At least that way you won't be so gutted when they don't, but you'll be elated if they somehow do.

tbh

I lasted seven months in Sydney. I had loads of friends (in fact, my entire circle of friends were down there, and I had a good few Aussie friends as well), and we all used to hang out in my apt. I had done well on shares in the company i worked for, so I didn't have to work, and everybody just hung out at my place all day, it was great.

but.

I just really really missed home. I mean I really missed home. I had all my friends and my dad and my sister had come to visit me, but I just couldn't settle. I used to read all the irish papers and get irish stuff sent out to me. I used to get really upset whenever I saw Dublin on the telly and I really missed things like the streets, and the cold weather and so on. I just felt like Sudney was great, but it wasn't "my" city. I did my best to find out as much as I could about the place but it just never felt like home.

I travel a lot with work, and I'm often away from home for long periods - sometimes in not so nice places - but I usually have a good time, because I know I'll be going home. For me, going to Oz just felt like i was waiting to go home. So I did. It was a bit weird at first, you feel so relieved that you're back, and everyone is glad to see you but after a couple of days, you're back to being just you, and your head is still spinning a bit. Because you spend so much time thinking about being home when you're away, when you're back it's like you never left and you have a bit of a hole in your thought process. So, maybe what I'm saying strikes a chord with you, and if it does, let me tell you what I'd do:

Try and put home out of your head for a week - stay away from websites and songs and stuff that remind you of home. Just for a week. If you don't feel better after a week, then just accept that some of us are ramblers, and some of us are homebodys. It's not a weakness on your part, it's not better to be one or the other. So, just go home. Don't feel ashamed, honestly, most people either won't know how long you were meant to be going away for, or they'll think it's a year already. No-one will look down at you, i thought that too, but they don't. It's simply not a big deal.

Life is short, and you'll have your share of problems, so don't make any for yourself...

r3nu4l

Well I only live in England so it's no big deal for me to go home...1 hr drive to airport, 2 hours hanging around at airport, 1 hour flight 30 mins or 2 hour drive if I'm going to my parents or in-laws...in total home can be up to 7 hours away for me!

Anyway, I've lived in England for 3.5 years, I like it, I've lots of friends here but none of it compares to what I experience when I'm at home with family and friends. I enjoy my life here but I do miss home, as does my wife.

You can take some comfort in the fact that you are not the only one, there's lots of people all over the world missing family and friends. I feel homesick less and less but really, really love getting home. I don't miss Ireland any less than I did, I just cope with it differently.

Be thankful that you have this experience, enjoy it. Believe me, one year is not that long. Do go join some clubs over there. Make some friends and have a good time. Then when you do come home you can proudly say that you had a great time.

As hard and all as it might be for some to believe I sometimes watch some RTÉ shows online via the RTÉ website. I also listen to RTÉ radio 1 or 2FM or Today FM, Newstalk etc online as well to keep in touch with what's happening. Not forgetting boards.ie either

It's true, the internet make sthe world a 'Global Village'.

mountain

sorry to hear that you are homesick, some times these things dont work.
However, dont worry about coming home, you took the chance to travel, and it didnt suit you.

Some times, it takes a better person to come home and say "i tried it, and it wasnt for me".

If you really want to come home, then do so. Everyone will be thrilled to see you, and you will feel alot better in yourself.