GF going away for the summer

LegacyUser

Hey all, As title suggests, my GF (19, I'm 20 btw) of a little over a year is going to France with her freind to work in June 'til end of August.

Both love each other, will miss each other, spend most of our time together etc. Question is what should we do? IMO 2.5 months isn't that long, especially if I go over to see her once or twice? Or should we just go on a break for it?

I'm obviously a fan of the former but shes worried that we could change and it wont be the same, when she comes back we won't like each other and "end on a fight".

I reckon we should give it a go and if it goes t*ts up then fair enough, still time for reconcilliation later. What ye think?

dudara

TBH you don't seem very committed to the relationship. If you did, you'd know straight away that you wanted to make this work throughout the summer.

LegacyUser

Honestly, I would never have suggested a break.

I didnt in fact, when she 1st mentioned it I just thought, Oh Im gona miss her like crazy. No thoughts of going on a break at all. We'd just stay together but be apart. Semi-long distance for 3 months. So yea I did know straight away what i wanted. Sorry If that wasnt how it seemed.

She mentioned the break thing. Shes scared of us not being freinds if we were to break up hence the fear of ppl changing etc.

watna

2.5 months is no time really. If you go visit once a month then you only have to go over twice. I went on a J1 a few years ago and left my (now ex) bf in Ireland. We had no problems, in fact missing each other was a good thing. You appreciate each other more when you get back. Also, as he is my ex now if I'd stayed here instead of going to America I'd still regret it. You don't want your gf to have regrets.

If you can't be apart for 10 weeks then you don't have a very strong relationship. Maybe your gf just needs some reassurance from you that everything will be ok and that you want her to do what she wants and that you'll be there when she gets back and won't be looking elsewhere!

dudara

Whattodo1234 wrote: »

She mentioned the break thing. Shes scared of us not being freinds if we were to break up hence the fear of ppl changing etc.

Right so.

As far as I'm concerned, you're either with someone or you're not. You don't cut things off with the caveat of re-connecting 2.5 months later.

I think that you need to talk to her more and find out if there is more going on in her head.

fuzzywiggle

She sounds negative about it. She probably wants to be single over there and let her hair down. In my opinion she wouldn't even be saying ''oh it'll end in a fight'' etc. if she really wanted it to work between you two.

2 and a half months isn't really that long...but still a lot can happen in 2 and a half months. Anyway I'd say give it a go and if it works out it works out and if it doesn't at least you tried.

Good luck!

Mr. Presentable

10 weeks is a long time for a 19 year old. Will you be OK at home for 10 weeks, no snogging, no sex etc? And she'll be in a foreign country, an object of interest because she's exotic. I suggest you go with her.

LegacyUser

fuzzywiggle wrote:

In my opinion she wouldn't even be saying ''oh it'll end in a fight'' etc. if she really wanted it to work between you two.

In fairness she hasnt said the above words (she may well read this, in fact I'll probably show it to her) She has said she doesn't want us to end in a fight, Im one of her best freinds (as she is to me) so she doesnt want us to end up despising each other

fuzzywiggle wrote:

Anyway I'd say give it a go and if it works out it works out and if it doesn't at least you tried.

My feelings exactly!

Thanks for the other responses too guys.

slumped

my experience was that GF of 18 months went to America and she told me to enjoy myself for the summer.

I did - and when she came back we knew we had to be with each other. We are now happily married!!

It can work - just don't expect too much.

S

WhiteWashMan

Whattodo123 wrote: »

I reckon we should give it a go and if it goes t*ts up then fair enough, still time for reconcilliation later. What ye think?

there you go. youve answered your own question.

dudara

dudara wrote: »

TBH you don't seem very committed to the relationship. If you did, you'd know straight away that you wanted to make this work throughout the summer.

Backed hard. Very clear!

Xavi6

I took a break for my J1 while she went to Spain. Did what we did and it was more for clarification on my part. If I missed her I knew she was the one, if I didn't then I knew she wasn't. Thankfully I did and we got back together straight away and are now perfectly happy 2 and a half years later.

If either of you feel you need clarification then take a break. There's no point in risking one of you cheating and creating bad blood between the two of you. Who knows, she may not even meet anyone she likes over there.

LegacyUser

Had a talk and its all sorted. I tried to read her thoughts and jumped to conclusions which is never good. Posted here before we had a chance to really talk too and made her sound like it was her problem when I really just invented it out of nothing!

Thanks for replies though.

Predhead

It's only for 2 and half months, but I'd break up with her if I were you (although I wouldn't have if I was your age). I know a lot more now than I did then. Break up, enjoy yourselves for a summer apart, go out meet new people (but never talk about it). If you's feel the same when you see each other again it could be the making of you's.

Best of luck.

dublinlawyer

So what happened. Did you stay or did you go.
IMO you should have done exactly what you planned. 2.5 months is a very short time. And a healthy relationship is based on the trust. So if youre afraid she'll do the dirt and you her..then forget it. You were a long time apart before you met!