Back together - feeling apprehensive

LegacyUser

Ok so after 2 and a bit years in a fun yet draining relationship we called it a day almost 4 months ago.

We'd been quite on/off for the previous 12 months which was an indication, we had turbulent times but clearly have some deeper connection as we both struggle to keep no contact going, we have never lost love for each other - just patience.

The thing is, although there is a certain sense of excitement to all this, it can be draining, and emotionally confusing when you don't know where u stand etc.

Anyway, I had some personal stuff I needed to sort out and he was supportive in helping me do that and giving me the space i needed.

So, all of a sudden I feel my life's priorities have changed, I no longer really care about settling down or getting married like I had in the past - part of the reasoning behind his uncertainty. I feel like having something casula so that every decision we make or plan we embark on doesn't have to be "make or break" so I expressed all this and yesterday we decided to try have a new relationship where we don't think so much about "will we get married" "where will we live" etc.

We're going to try and just have a fun time without (me) getting needy or dependednt, I'm just wondering what's the chances the old problems will come back, I'm reallly happpy today, like totally on a high but I'm semi-worried that this adrenaline is part of the dysfunctional relationship we had in the past and to be honest I don't think i can handle another break up- but my heart of hearts tells me he's the one - I spose my question is - "Is it really supposed to be easy?" LLike has it been to hard for us or can we really just get there in the end.

I hope someone can help

L
x

denhaagenite

Well you're right to be feeling apprehensive but don't let this sabotage what might become.

On the other hand, you have to make sure that you deal with the problems that led to your breakup in the first place or else you cannot move on to a better, healthier relationship- it will only end up the same way it did the last time, perhaps even worse.

While I would not usually advocate getting back with an ex (as I have first hand experience of when it turns sour, as do friends and family) if you think it can work, then who else can tell you otherwise?

Do be aware if it doesn't work out there are plenty more fish in the sea and this is not your only option for a relationship.

I really wish you the best with this, it's a hard and brave decision to make.

Feebz

You're absolutely right to be apprehensive about this reunion. I have spent the last 5 years with a guy and during that time we've broken up quite a few times, some times for months. We too had a tempestuous relationship but always stayed friends after the break-ups which inevitably led to us getting back together. Once we'd get back together things would be amazing, but eventually the same old issues would rear their ugly heads (similar issues to yours by the sound of things, me wanting a proper committment, him not yada yada). I think we were just addicted to the high of the homeymoon period when we'd get back together. Anyway, we have finally parted ways for good this time. While in one way it's incredibly sad after 5 long years, I am also loath to waste another minute with the wrong person.
You say your priorities have changed, but this stuff that has been hugely important to you in the past will eventually become important again.
In answer to your question - "is it really supposed to be easy" - I think, no, probably not. But it shouldn't be this hard.