Double Personality?

LegacyUser

Hey
Just wondering if anyone can give any advice. I have a friend who I've gotten to know over the past year or so and I thought he was a really nice guy but know I don't know what to think. It turns out he knows a friend of a friend etc and I've got him all wrong . With me he seems really nice and friendly (quite shy) but with the other group of friends he's sarky, vindictive and has a reputation for being a complete arsehole. I don't know why?
There have been times where people made comments and I gave him the benefit of the doubt but now I don't know what to think. I've seen him in a very unflattering light.
I don't know if I should try and talk to him about it. If and when I see him Iknow I'm going to feel really awkward even if I don't talk to him about it'll still be at the back of my mind.
The group that he's completely different with haven't done anything to upset him it's like he's decided to put on a facade of feeling superior etc.. It's really hard and long winded to explain in detail but it would be similar to a situation here you know someone from a forum who's really nice but when you see them on another forum/website and they're really abusive to others for no reason.
I know he was bullied in school, could this be a defense mechanism that he uses if he feels intimidated?
I feel really stupid for not being a good judge of character

Overheal

You know him in the present; they know him in the past. People have a capacity and sometimes even a desire to change. If I was judged for the person I was 5 years ago I'd get nowehere, too.

LegacyUser

They know him in the present as well. This has all been happening in the past week or so.
Sorry if I didn't make that clear.

Chinafoot

mask? wrote: »

I've seen him in a very unflattering light.

No you haven't. You've seen other people portray him in a very unflattering light but your experience is that he's nice. There are people that I don't particularly like or get on with but thats down to my own experience of them. I would never expect anyone to form an opinion on these people based purely on what I say. I certainly wouldn't want it done to me!

He's done nothing to you. You don't know the dynamics of his relationships with these other people, and to be frank, it's not really any of your business. By all means, be careful but form your own opinions here.

King of Kings

I think you should take him as he behaves with you. and forget about other opinions.
Sounds like he is making an effort to be nice to you. disregard the others.

jdivision

Make up your own mind OP. I've met a lot of people like that, people who it turns out act like that because they're so insecure and end up doing it as a way of getting attention. They act normally around me because they know I wouldn't put up with it - I think it might be the same with you, that or they respect you too much to act the bollox. TBH I firmly believe you can only judge somebody on how they interact with you - can't be led by the crowd when it comes to friends as far as I'm concerned. If you and him get on, you get on. Don't listen to what other people say

evry1sm8

Ive met people like that too, and usually they are arrogant and sarky because they are insecure and are trying to protect themselves...definitely a defense mechanism.

Oh the other side of it all, seriously judge from what you see yourself, if you have no reason to think he's a bad guy than go with that.
I know i wouldnt like someone to judge me based on other peoples opinions.

Mr. Incognito

Believe half of what you see and nothing of what you hear...............

I think you should take him as he behaves with you. and forget about other opinions.
Sounds like he is making an effort to be nice to you. disregard the others.

+1

Gumbyman

I don't believe in disliking somebody because somebody else dislikes them. It is unfair. If this person does something mean to you then you have a right to be pi$$ed with them but otherwise you are acting on heresay and turning your back on him even though he has done nothing to you. It may be hard not to take sides but you have to do the decent thing here. Good luck with it!

biko

King of Kings wrote: »

I think you should take him as he behaves with you. and forget about other opinions.
Sounds like he is making an effort to be nice to you. disregard the others.

QFT. I know guys that are arseholes at work but sweetness personified to their wives and gfs.

milkerman

SetantaL wrote: »

Believe half of what you see and nothing of what you hear...............

I like that...... Good advice too.