Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest
Normal? Feels like a rut...
-
04-02-2008 11:18pm#1
Comments
-
-
-
-
Having recently been diagnosed with chronic depression and going on anti-d's after 16+ years of being in denial about it I have to say everything you've said in your post strikes me as being caused by, influenced by and exacerbated by your depression.
That's exactly what it does to you - makes you not want to do anything, removes your motivation, makes you question every good thing that happens and see it as an error. All of this is due to depression.
I never believed it when people said it to me, but I can tell you know after being on the meds for just over 4 months I can't believe the difference!
It doesn't change who you are, it doesn't make you always perfectly happy, but it makes everything a different colour, and doubts and fears and paranoia easier to see for what they are. If you are currently getting treatment - by which I mean medication; even psychologists say therapy alone won't help - then I second what the other poster said above, which is you may need to talk to your GP about getting a higher dose, or trying a different medication altogether.
If you are not currently on medication then I strongly, strongly urge you to go to your GP and talk to them. And be honest with them, no matter how stupid you think you sound. Don't smile if you don't feel like it, and don't wear the "happy, coping, perfectly well-adjusted" face so many of us wear in public.
But really, I don't think one single bit of this has anything the slightest to do with your girlfriend
0 -
-
Advertisement
-
-
-
-
-
-
Advertisement
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Aww thanks so much, thats a nice compliment
Yeah i was suffering badly from depression, started about a year ago and lasted for a solid 6 months at least. I broke up with a guy i was with for 7 years, jumped straight into another relationship (bad idea) which then also ended all of a sudden. I was destroyed. I spent a lot of time on my own in my room reading books etc.. cried everyday, felt like i was struggling just to be alive day in day out.
I felt very worthless and down on myself, and i felt that id never find anyone that would love me for me again, thats why i know how precious that is once you have it.
I started on the tablets a year ago now, and im only feeling properly better in the last 3 months or so...
Went back to the doctor and his advice was that you need to stay on them for at least 3 months AFTER you feel back to normal or you may get a relapse... So thats what im doing now.
Its really hard especially when you first go on them and you really want a miracle, once you realise youre not instantly feeling happy again it almost makes it harder to bare that youre still feeling sad, if that makes sense.
Thats when you start to think that nothing is ever going to help, but trust me, in time it does get better, you can feel it. And i am happy now, thanks for asking 0 -
-
Advertisement
-
Hi again
It was definately the break ups that triggered the depression. 2 of them. The one from 7 years, and the guy after him who i fell madly in love with and broke my heart. I was upset / depressed now and then during my 7 year relationship due to family problems that i eventually grew out of, and i guess in a way my partner became my "family".
He was everything to me. The person that made me happy when i was down, the person i trusted with my problems, the person i shared my time with, the person that i felt loved me more than anyone else in the world... So losing him was really really difficult to cope with. Worse still it was me that ended it. I thought i had made the biggest mistake of my life!!
I dont think so now though because we had other problems that i mentioned before in another thread, nothing too bad i love the guy to bits, but we both needed to grow up outside of the boundaries of the relationship, in a sense that the problems we had since the beginning were being dragged along with us and it made it harder to cast them off and grow as people and become better as a result of what we learned, like the ties of those problems or mistakes were always with us. Hope that makes sense??
As with your girl im really not sure what to advise. Maybe try taking some time away from her in general, not a break or a break-up but just some alone time or non-girlfriend time... This might help you get a better perspective on your feelings for her, its hard to tell when you see someone all the time, how you'd feel if they werent around. As they say, how can you miss what you already have...
That way i suppose you will get a better picture on whether you'd be happier without her (not considering other girls in the picture), whether you just need a bit more space, or whether you really need her in your life right now for support.
You'll see after a few days away from her whether you like her company or not. Thats the only advice i can give, but i do advise to do it without breaking up or telling her you might want to, and without thinking of any other girls.
How does that sound??0 -
-
-
-
-
No not really. In a sense i guess. But what i really mean is to feel good about yourself inside, to like the person thay you are yourself. To put it more simply i guess, you know when you do something bad and you get a bad feeling inside...you feel guilty and ashamed and bad about yourself? You start to dislike the person that you are. Well you know how its the same when you do something good for someone, like get someone you care about a present they really like and it gives you a bit of a lift? This is the feeling i mean. To like the person that you are and know you are doing the best you can or being the best you can be.
That doesnt mean being sick or not, if youre depressed thats an illness and it doesnt reflect on the person you are inside. Im talking about your intentions and youre actions. Being the person you want to be ie: kind, understanding, considerate, loving, self-respecting etc... all these things help you to feel good about yourself.
That is the key to true happiness in my opinion
Even if you fail at things, if you dont have your dream job or your dream car, your perfect partner or the perfect life (which by the way no one has) you can still feel good knowing youve done the best you can and given it your all. Thats what matters at the end of the day.
I suggest trying to fully forgive yourself for cheating on your girlfriend. We all like to be forgiving and we try to forgive other people as much as we can, but that should also apply to yourself, you need to forgive yourself for things too because no ones perfect and we learn from our mistakes.
Perhaps the fact that your girlfriend forgave you has made you feel like it was too easy to get away with, or maybe because youre still in that relationship the guilt and badness you feel for doing what you did is harder to shake off??
Either way, i think your girlfriend was very understanding to accept that it was a mistake. Maybe deep down youre worried about her cheating back because she knows you did it to her??0 -
PS: I found my "inner happiness" as you put it (which by the way isnt altogether complete yet).. Just by working on being the person i wanted to be, the person i knew i could be proud of.
It was easier actually once i was out of those 2 relationships because i was able to cast off my old mistakes and the old bits of my personality that i wanted to change, look at them objectively, and forgive myself for them and work on them.
I was also able to see that some of the things my ex partner(s) had been hard on me about were not as bad as they made out...(my ex-bf was very possesive and gave me a lot of grief over kissing other guys when we were broke up at one stage-see other thread).
I needed to also forgive myself for being depressed, i started to think that maybe there was something wrong with me or i was just "weak"...obviously thats not the case when youre depressed. So maybe you need to forgive yourself for that also??
As well as that, my ex-bf used to sometimes make me feel that i was wrong for things i liked to do such as going out and drinking, smoking the odd cigarette etc...because he was such a "straight" kinda guy, he never really went out, never touched a smoke, never ever touched drugs etc...all the things people usually do between the ages of 18-25 which i was when i was with him. He made me feel slightly immoral in certain ways. Once i was out of that space i was able to see things more clearly and i realised i wasnt a bad person at all, i was just growing up and making the normal mistakes and having the normal curiosities that people ususally get growing up.
PPS: I also felt like i hadnt been the best girlfriend i could have been in the relationship i was in for the 7 years, i felt like i hadnt done myself justice.
Then when i had my next relationship, which granted was way too soon, i was still a much better girlfriend and happier with myself for it.
I think i needed a new relationship to grow and become a better partner, and i did, it kinda came naturally and i realised it was other things weighing me down, not that i didnt have it in me.0 -
-
I think its actually a very normal thing for a guy to feel like you are, as in needing to be independant and be alone some of the time. Guys like their independance and girls like to have close relationships be it with their friends, families, partners, children etc...
Ever hear of the expression that "men are like elastic bands"?? After becoming close to someone for a while they need to retreat and feel independant again... Its why people say that guys go into their "caves" when they have a problem, to work it out on their own. They feel like they should be able to work out their problems by themselves, and anyone volunteering help without them asking just bugs them. Guys like to feel self-sufficient. Girls on the other hand tend to go to their friends / families to talk their problems out. Apparently "women are like waves" We get highs and lows...even after a lovely period where we are happy as larry we eventually get the odd low where we are a bit down again and need reassuring again. This can be confusing for guys because guys dont understand why, if theyve shown us they care about us before, we suddenly need reassurance again. I guess its just the way it works
Guys also get most of their happiness from their "achievements" ie: gaining a good job, winning a football match, and of course scoring a hot girl :P
Women on the other hand get most of their happiness from their "relationships", again not just with romantic partners but with family and friends too.
So maybe this will help you understand the feelings you get of wanting to be alone, out their achieving things by yourself, and wanting to score other women?? I think its a relatively natural thing especially at a young age like 22!! Most guys have issues with committment and so on, until they are much older.
Hope this helps 0 -
Advertisement
-
-
-
oldhairyman wrote: »ive found that a great cure for my depression and making me happy is good quality weed!!ha!
I really advise avoiding the weed and hash. It aint good for you, in fact it will only make you more depressed, as will alcohol.
PS: I wish you lots of good things too Hope to hear that you are happy soon! 0
Advertisement