Cheating complications

LegacyUser

Here's the backstory..

Myself and my girl have been together for 6 years, were both mid 20's. We've never slept with anyone else, (well I havent, we were virgins when we slept together)

so when we start going out i played a lot of sports and went to the gym 3-4 times a week so I was in pretty good shape. Then horrible I suffered a double compound fracture of my lower leg (painful ) So over 3 years of being pretty inactive i put on a whole load of weight. I didnt want to go back playing sports or to the gym in case i broke my leg again.

But 2 years ago I was watching fat camp on UTV when I realised I was slagging off the fat people and my Gf just sat their mouth open, It hit me that i was as big if not bigger than some of them, I'd hit 18st of flab from 12st on muscle. So i hit the gym with a vengeance, eating healthy , no beer/takeaways for 9 months generally just a very healthy diet. So within a year I got back to good shape. Now I have continued this on and about 6 months ago I was looking like brad pitt in fight club (his body not his face ) I changed jobs round this time also. now most of my colleagues are females around the same age or slightly older. Basically my Gf thought i was having an affair, which I wasnt.

But now my Gf has hit the gym big time to "get in shape", Beleive me she doesnt need to. But I know from when I was fat there was a guy she worked with that gave her a lot of attention, I dont think she cheated but I think she may be seeing him now.

She goes "running" a lot but when i ask to go with her she says no. She's extremely secretive about her phone. She changed her address so that bills go to her parents house instead of our place. We have a laptop but after each session she clears the history. We use to go for weekends away and have an active social life together but now she goes out with the "girls from work" or other people who "I wouldnt know" .

I had planned to take her to Oslo for Valentines weekend but she says she has plans to go out with the single girls that weekend, i mean wtf She's meant to be in a relationship. I've asked her whats going on but she plays dumb and says she doesnt know what I mean.

I'm pretty sure she's cheating, what do you guys think?

Mazeire

Ah...I wouldn't like to guess as to wheather she is cheating or not, but it does sound like things are going seriously off the boil between you two.
I think you need to sit down and have a serious talk with her and suggest couples counselling. If she refuses that, then you need to have a think about where you are going with this relationship.

evry1sm8

Im really sorry to say but a lot of this sounds very suspicious.
If it was me id probably be thinking the same things you are.
Did she give any reason why she changed her billing address i mean thats very odd. And anyone thats secretive about their phone and internet usage usually has things they want to hide...the question is what?
Obviously i cant really say...maybe she's cheating maybe she's not, but something is going on.
I cant believe she wont go away with you for valentines, thats madness. Why would she want to go out with her single friends she can do that any other day of the year!!
I think you need to ask her to be honest with you.

Dizzyblonde

Mazeire wrote: »

Ah...I wouldn't like to guess as to wheather she is cheating or not, but it does sound like things are going seriously off the boil between you two.
I think you need to sit down and have a serious talk with her and suggest couples counselling. If she refuses that, then you need to have a think about where you are going with this relationship.

Definitely.

easyontheeye

hi,

going on the information provided by you and they way you presented it. it is clear that she has changed her behavoiur...I suppose the one that sticks out for me is the phone bill thing, now i always clear my internet cache and history but i have always done it.

I think we are good at picking up unusual behaviour, you just need to find out whats behind it, your gut is telling you something but it might not necessarily mean shes cheating, but my head would be seriously f**ked up over this too.

humanji

I think you need to sit her down and talk to her. She may be cheating but she may not be, so don't accuse her of anything. Just tell her that it bothers you that she's so secretive. Ask her why. There could very well be a perfectly reasonable reason for it all.

But if she's going to continue to be like that, even with a good explanation, I can't see your relationship lasting. You should be able to comunicate with each other, not hiding anything.

IRISH RAIL

It doesnt look good maybe follow her on one of her runs and on the night out or get a friend to do it and see who shes really out with

JuliusCaesar

IRISH RAIL wrote: »

It doesnt look good maybe follow her on one of her runs and on the night out or get a friend to do it and see who shes really out with

Wouldn't recommend this unless you want to break up - if she isn't cheating, she'd be VERY annoyed. With reason.

Yous need to talk.

Miss Fluff

cheats wrote: »

I'm pretty sure she's cheating, what do you guys think?

Have you voiced your suspicions?

Your post would certainly suggest that she is I'm afraid.

KTRIC

Install a key logger on the laptop. I caught someone this way that I was suspicious of.

JackieO

I hate to say it but sounds like she is definately acting suspiciously. And lets be honest, in your heart of hearts you know there is somethine wrong with her behaviour.

If I were you I would forget about trying to actually catch her out and just confront her. 9 times of of 10 people are behaving this way so that their partner will confront them and they can get it all out in the open. Usually because they do not have the guts to talk about it in the first place.

Either way, it sounds like there have been major communication problems for some time. After 6 years, I would be wondering why??

NortSoide

Given what you said above, you may well be correct - and that she is cheating on you. At least, by the sounds of it, the wheels have certainly come off the trolly.

But you need to find out for sure, one way or another. Then you will know. So ... how are you going to do that without all the toys coming out of the pram ... ?

Well ... if you sit her down and have 'a chat' with her ... what is she going to say ??? She could deny everything and lie through her hind teeth. I think this approach doesn't get you very far and you could still end up doubting her and harbouring 'a suspicion'.

So, I think you will have to become a little 'sneaky'.
I do agree with the suggestion from 'Irish Rail' - get a good friend to follow her if possible ... and, find out what she is up to.

Also, I like the suggestion from 'Ktric' about a keyboard logger.

I'm sorry if that sounds 'bad' ... but better that ( and get some real 'evidence' ) than have her make off with half ( if not more ) of the property ( e.g. a house or flat ) at a later stage. :eek:

Toots

It sounds a bit suss, OP. I would think she may be cheating. Perhaps she's just trying to mess with your head cos she thinks you're cheating? But that sounds really far fetched.

I like the suggestion of the keyboard logger to see what she's up to online, but that's a serious intrusion into her privacy, if she's cheating it won't matter, but if it turns out that she's not up to anything online at all, then make sure she never finds out about it! Following her would be riskier again, and if you get caught you'll end up looking like a weirdo, ask one of her friends (that you can trust) is there anything wrong with her because she's acting different and you're worried about things.

Regardless of whether or not she's cheating, you both need to sit down and have a good talk about what's happening, as things have clearly cooled between you both. Going away with the girls on Valentines is a big no-no if you're in a relationship. If I were you, I'd ask her out straight, does she still want to be in a relationship anymore, and go from there.

Overheal

Dont tear yourself up trying to dig into the situation of whether she's cheating or not - thats a dirty road. And painful. Then of course theres all the ethical issues of spying on your girlfriend, the shattered trust, etc. Its not worth it. Please just try to look at it at face value as hard as it may seem. Speculation and assumptions - the mother of all ****ups. While some of the information you're presenting sounds suspect, its from your point of view. The opinions we present are third-person based on your views.

DD

cheats wrote: »

Here's the backstory..

I'm pretty sure she's cheating, what do you guys think?

She is.

spinandscribble

sounds like it. better to confront her. shes being odd and you have a right to be wondering what shes up to.

IRISH RAIL

go with the keylogger theres a really good one for free called 007 keylogger very hard to find its a software based one
also parents should look at this as it stores a screenshot every 3 seconds and all the visited websites
do a search on google and you should find it

spinandscribble

i find it funny you're advising he do all of this spy work when regularly on the boards those with more proof of cheating get slaughtered for looking at their OHs phone.

fits

IRISH RAIL wrote: »

go with the keylogger theres a really good one for free called 007 keylogger very hard to find its a software based one
also parents should look at this as it stores a screenshot every 3 seconds and all the visited websites
do a search on google and you should find it

I find it disturbing that someone finds this acceptable, its a serious intrusion of privacy.
If you have suspicions of your girlfriend, ask her straight out if she's cheating.

None of this sneaky stuff.

Wibbs

fits wrote: »

I find it disturbing that someone finds this acceptable, its a serious intrusion of privacy.
If you have suspicions of your girlfriend, ask her straight out if she's cheating.

None of this sneaky stuff.

I agree with spinandscribble and fits on this one. I've dumped exes for less and rightly so. If you have reason to think she's not being upfront then ask her directly. IMO? I suspect you're not getting the whole story.

WhiteWashMan

cheats wrote: »

Here's the backstory..

Myself and my girl have been together for 6 years, were both mid 20's. We've never slept with anyone else, (well I havent, we were virgins when we slept together)

so when we start going out i played a lot of sports and went to the gym 3-4 times a week so I was in pretty good shape. Then horrible I suffered a double compound fracture of my lower leg (painful ) So over 3 years of being pretty inactive i put on a whole load of weight. I didnt want to go back playing sports or to the gym in case i broke my leg again.

But 2 years ago I was watching fat camp on UTV when I realised I was slagging off the fat people and my Gf just sat their mouth open, It hit me that i was as big if not bigger than some of them, I'd hit 18st of flab from 12st on muscle. So i hit the gym with a vengeance, eating healthy , no beer/takeaways for 9 months generally just a very healthy diet. So within a year I got back to good shape. Now I have continued this on and about 6 months ago I was looking like brad pitt in fight club (his body not his face ) I changed jobs round this time also. now most of my colleagues are females around the same age or slightly older. Basically my Gf thought i was having an affair, which I wasnt.

But now my Gf has hit the gym big time to "get in shape", Believe me she doesnt need to. But I know from when I was fat there was a guy she worked with that gave her a lot of attention, I dont think she cheated but I think she may be seeing him now.

She goes "running" a lot but when i ask to go with her she says no. She's extremely secretive about her phone. She changed her address so that bills go to her parents house instead of our place. We have a laptop but after each session she clears the history. We use to go for weekends away and have an active social life together but now she goes out with the "girls from work" or other people who "I wouldnt know" .

I had planned to take her to Oslo for Valentines weekend but she says she has plans to go out with the single girls that weekend, i mean wtf She's meant to be in a relationship. I've asked her whats going on but she plays dumb and says she doesn't know what I mean.

I'm pretty sure she's cheating, what do you guys think?

well, who knows on the cheating bit. theres no real proof that she is cheating.

id be more worried about her behaviour though. rerouting mail, not spending any more time with you, not telling you stuff.

all very strange. im not big on the search your partners stuff, and id have to go with sitting down and talking to her. listing off all the stuff that is strange, telling her how her behaviour i has changed over the last 9 months. clearing the pc, hiding the phone, rerouting the mail.
don't just sit her down and ask her straight out.
you need to sit her down,and you need to talk. you need to tell her you're unhappy, and ask her if you have done something because her attitude and her behaviour towards you has changed. have her feelings changed? list of the things that have changed and then get her to talk.

it may be that you changed a lot, that you did things and she kinda got on with her life while you were busy being in the gym 7 days a week. who knows.

theres lots of reasons why people change. you just need to be able to explain your thoughts and feelings without it sounding like accusations or that you are irrational or something.
and do it today. dont drag it out. that wont help.

Curvy Vixen

100% behind whitewashman here. Sit her down and ask her outright. If you're together 6 years then you would hope that there would be some amount of communication here.

I might be in a very similar position to your GF. I have lost 13 stone in the last 18 months, been to the gym, got a life! My hubby works all the hours God sends and I got sick of sitting at home eating and got to grips with things. Now I look pretty hot (;)) and get noticed and go out and have a laugh with friends where as I didn't have the confidence to do that before. There is a guy at work that I have great craic with, he's happily married and I see him as just a friend, but we have fun and I'm sure I mention his name a bit too much at home but there you go! Hubby says I never spend time at home anymore and never want to go anywhere with him. Well there's a surprise! I never want to be home cos I'm home alone all the time and he's right, I don't really want to go anywhere with him cos it seems to turn into a moaning session or an argument about something or other!

I'm not having an affair but my hubby doesn't like me now that I am slim. I think I was a safe option when I was bigger. He never says I look nice or gives me compliments and I hate it. I get all the attention I need when I am out though and that's not healthy, it should be coming from him.

Have you and your GF strayed into a bit of a rut where you are resenting the work she has put in and suspect her of an affair so you're witholding the good stuff from her?

You need a bottle of wine and a good long chat......

(Sorry if I've shared too much )