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My little sister - What will I do?
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04-02-2008 3:37pm#1
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Smiley: I had a good friend who was in a v v v similar situation, thinking bout it almost makes me think your a friend
but anyway. My advice to her and to you is the same. Leave her be, cut contact with her for a while and let her grow up. She will eventually grow up and come back to you and your friendship / bigger sisterness. Sometimes and I know its harsh, but sometimes young teenagers at that age need a slap to reality and that normally teaches them / wakes them up to the world (helps them mature as well).
I would suspect that after a month or two even when she is 18 and legal she will still want her cool older sister around and realize how immature she was being. Hold in there
As with the parents thing thats also familiar to my friend and to be honest again harsh, the slap the teenager gets usually slaps the parents I'm sure your parents love your sis to bits but they probably have lets laid up a bit on how strict they are in comparison to you or your bro. Let them make the choices point them at points and give advice if you can about maybe places she shouldn't be going people she shouldn't hang around with, but give it to them as advice and dont get upset or annoyed if they don't listen 90% of the time they probably wont 0 -
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hmmmm thats a tough one.
on one side people see you as controlling,the other side though is she deserves some punishment, although it is kind of a bit late imo.
the fact your dad saw through her lying and your mum didnt, maybe its your dad you should talk to. there needs to be rules even when shes 18, because it seems like shes heading down a bad road and ending up being a be-atch.
did you get your ID back? if not keep trying! as someone pointed out you really don't want her getting in trouble and bringing you down with her.
im so glad i'm an only child
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She was the one I went to upset it was gone, after i searched everywhere a second time i knew she took it
I went to my mother only after being throughly frustrated.. I had said it to her and tried to guilt her into confessing, I searched her room and also asked her friends (who said yes she took it)
If she lies to me barefaced what other route would i be expected to take other than physical violence
Its wasn't the fact it was just a top its was new, it was for an occasion, she stole it , didn't admit when she was caught, only when threatened did it turn up, then with different tags on it to try and make me think I was wrong and when i said I wanted the ID back the top was handed back no q's asked and i was told the ID was gone I mean FFS I have only so much patience
I know her mentality and she is much more smart and is much more cunning that to think this was the right way to act towards me.
Regarding her behaviour I expect more respect than she gives my parents which is none really and I have more than earned it. I am and have been very good to her in the past0 -
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OP the thing is you cant be your sisters friend and parent and sister all at the same time. its not your job to punish her, its not up to you when she goes out. youre behaviour seems very inconsistent, you give her money & your id when it suits, then take it back to punish her.
i understand that youre worried about her behaviour but you need to be careful here, youre getting stuck between her & your parents & from the sounds of it your parents (or your mother at least) are blind to everything & are far too easy on her. but youve given them your opinion & theres not much more you can do, ultimately its up to them whether she goes out/stays in/whatever. I do understand a bit cause my mother treats my 16 yr old brother a bit like that. hes had some problems and its like shes afraid to punish him in case she upsets him. but i know to stay out of it, i give her my opinion if she asks but shes going to do what she wants about the situation in the end.
i think youre best to stay out of it where possible
More than once I've been asked to call her see where she is, ask her where she was last night etc etc Jesus I could go on! I am constanly asked or complained to about her behaviour
She did something similiar to my mother with a pair of shoes last summer my mother had bought them for a wedding and she wore them to redz on a monday night! :O
My mother constantly asks me to "parent her" so I guess I have taken it upon myself I can't do it all the time thoughfuzzywiggle wrote: »You're the one that needs to grow up.
It's plain to see that you are just so unbelievably jealous of your sister to the point of rage. And you can't even see it. You cannot stand how she is being treated because you weren't treated the same by your parents (i.e being spoiled etc.)
So you actually went and tried your best to get your sister, your own flesh and blood, barred from a pub? Somewhere she has a laugh and enjoyment with her friends and is only 2 months away from turning 18 (as opposed to just turning 17, I could possibly understand your point then)
And I don't believe you ''needed'' your I.D all of a sudden. Well maybe you did, but I'm reckoning you took it back in spite.
Yes, they are sensible mature adults. Unlike you.
What exactly has your sister done? Took a top of yours is it? Wow yeah, she's treating you really really awful.
With sisters like you who needs enemies.
I'm not jealous as my parents showed the same kind of blase attitude towards me, I just waited till I was a lot older to take advantage of it. I wouldn't have said I was spoiled but I never ever wanted for anything and I had my own money from 14 onwards.She is demanding through and through!
Yes I needed it I had told her before xmas I did, I just paid 25euro for a drivers license and I want to leave it in my car instead of carrying it around
I know I sound like a bitch but believe me she is worse
Its an age card, I want it as I always loose things and my license isn't something I want to loose againJust as a matter of interest OP, what ID did you give her? If it was just an age card I wouldn't worry too much about it, you're probably causing yourself more stress over something that's not worth it, as you said she'll be 18 soon. If it was your passport though, that's more serious! What if you want to go on hols? It's like 50quid or so for a new one and can take a few weeks to go out. Maybe talk to your Dad quietly and see can he talk to her and get her to give the ID back? If that fails, just have a root around her room someday when she's not home.
It is mine and lent it to her to get this local place , she has just assumed it is hers.
QFT! I'm just hurt over it all I thought we had a good relationship I go out of my way for her with favors and her friend all the time (her best mate treats me like her big sister)Call Me Jimmy wrote: »OP you're only mistake was getting too involved. From what I can see, she is a spoiled, disrespectful bitch. The kind that are all too common these days. Once you found out what she did you should have just made a mental note not to trust or help her again (unless it was a serious situation of course). Now you're left looking like the bad guy (which must be frustrating) but there is nothing you can do about that. Don't act negatively towards her in the future, don't act positively either. Just be polite and remember what she's like.
I know ,You shouldn't have given her the ID in the first place.
Baaaaad big sister.
Your sister sounds like a little scumbag stealing clothes from you. I'd ignore her till she grows up and cops on.
but she was tee total untill six months ago when she had to give up her training and since then I have watched her
I guess I underestimated how much I could trust her0 -
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All you flamers/"fuzzywiggle's" of this post have no idea at all... if you read into CSG's orginal post you can see that her little sister has decieved her and turned her entire family against her through blatant lies and deceit...you really have no clue.
How would you react if someone you loved and did anything for (such as loan an old ID to) lied through their teeth and turned direct family members against you...?
Ruined your relationship with your family....?
From the sounds of it fuzzywiggle it's plain to see that you are just so unbelievably jealous of CSG to the point of rage. And you can't even see it that she has suffered and come here to look for assistance/support..only to have the likes of your not-so-goodself flame her posts with personal insults.
...
:mad::( 0 -
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Seosamh1976 wrote: »All you flamers/"fuzzywiggle's" of this post have no idea at all... if you read into CSG's orginal post you can see that her little sister has decieved her and turned her entire family against her through blatant lies and deceit...you really have no clue.
How would you react if someone you loved and did anything for (such as loan an old ID to) lied through their teeth and turned direct family members against you...?
Ruined your relationship with your family....?
From the sounds of it fuzzywiggle it's plain to see that you are just so unbelievably jealous of CSG to the point of rage. And you can't even see it that she has suffered and come here to look for assistance/support..only to have the likes of your not-so-goodself flame her posts with personal insults.
...:mad::(
You're right. The op's relationship with her family is suffering as a result of her sisters behavior. But it was the op's enabling of her sister that helped to cause this behavior in the first place. To be honest if i was in the op's parents position i'd be more than a little peeved at the OP doling out parenting advice when the op is giving her sister ID to go out on the lash.
OP you need to accept responsibility for some of this.0 -
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Hello CSG
You have every reason to be angry regarding the top as her behaviour goes well beyond the usual sisterly 'borrowing' of clothes and is not on. You are well within your rights to withdraw her privileges for this. You are also perfectly entitled to set your own limits in terms of what you will put up with from her which are different to those that your parents will suffer.
It's not your job to be her parent and your mother is wrong to try and place you in that position. You however cannot expect your parents to live up to your standards - they have decided on a laissez faire policy and that is their prerogative.
I don't see much (morally) wrong with you giving her your ID. There is a world of difference between facilitating a 17.5 year old to drink responsibly in a pub and supplying a 14 year old with some flagons to go knacker drinking! I certainly helped my little brothers in similar ways at that age - it's an elder sibling largesse that is yours to give.
Just a few points worth remembering:
Your sister has had to (I assume) give up her sport which obviously was a big part of her life.
She has only just started drinking - we all take time to learn how to deal with it properly and make a few mistakes along the road.
She's doing her Leaving - and is under (what for her is) serious pressure.
She's still only 17.
All this means she is going through some serious changes and is going to get it wrong on occasion and her behaviour isn't always going to be perfect. Part of your responsibilities as the elder sibling is to set her straight when it does go tits up. Sometimes you need a stick and sometimes a carrot.
I don't think I would have used as big a stick as sabotaging her social life but there is little you can do about that now (and as she turns 18 soon the damage isn't massive).
I'd be most worried about the trouble she went to in stitching the tag onto your top before returning it - it shows a really weasel-like attitude to avoiding the consequences of her actions that could land her friendless if she's not careful.
As to where you go from here; I'd insist on an apology for her behaviour, but don't be too slow to re-instate her privileges once it is forthcoming.
Finally you are both adults now - so try to sort any future disagreements amongst yourself and not drag your parents into it.
Jabus - that must be my longest post ever 0 -
redfacedbear wrote: »Hello CSG
You have every reason to be angry regarding the top as her behaviour goes well beyond the usual sisterly 'borrowing' of clothes and is not on. You are well within your rights to withdraw her privileges for this. You are also perfectly entitled to set your own limits in terms of what you will put up with from her which are different to those that your parents will suffer.
It's not your job to be her parent and your mother is wrong to try and place you in that position. You however cannot expect your parents to live up to your standards - they have decided on a laissez faire policy and that is their prerogative.
I don't see much (morally) wrong with you giving her your ID. There is a world of difference between facilitating a 17.5 year old to drink responsibly in a pub and supplying a 14 year old with some flagons to go knacker drinking! I certainly helped my little brothers in similar ways at that age - it's an elder sibling largesse that is yours to give.
Just a few points worth remembering:
Your sister has had to (I assume) give up her sport which obviously was a big part of her life.
She has only just started drinking - we all take time to learn how to deal with it properly and make a few mistakes along the road.
She's doing her Leaving - and is under (what for her is) serious pressure.
She's still only 17.
All this means she is going through some serious changes and is going to get it wrong on occasion and her behaviour isn't always going to be perfect. Part of your responsibilities as the elder sibling is to set her straight when it does go tits up. Sometimes you need a stick and sometimes a carrot.
I don't think I would have used as big a stick as sabotaging her social life but there is little you can do about that now (and as she turns 18 soon the damage isn't massive).
I'd be most worried about the trouble she went to in stitching the tag onto your top before returning it - it shows a really weasel-like attitude to avoiding the consequences of her actions that could land her friendless if she's not careful.
As to where you go from here; I'd insist on an apology for her behaviour, but don't be too slow to re-instate her privileges once it is forthcoming.
Finally you are both adults now - so try to sort any future disagreements amongst yourself and not drag your parents into it.
Jabus - that must be my longest post ever
I second redfacedbear's post. Just be glad it's only 1 younger sister you have to contend with, I have 7 younger sisters and the bitching and fighting over the years has been dreadful. It's the 2 younger ones that are the main stirrers. I'm a few months short of 20 years older than the youngest sister, I'd actually left home before she was born and have lived abroad and now live the other side of the country so I've generally avoided the line of fire.
There isn't one in the family that speaks with everyone and the last time we were all together was at my Dad's funeral nearly 5 years ago.0 -
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Tbh it sounds like you've spoiled her and let her away with murder just as much as your parents have. Best way to rectify it is to just sit back and leave well alone, she isn't your problem. What goes around comes around, someday she'll get a shock and realise what a twit she's been, then ye can make up. 0
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