Lost and Found! Brothers, reclaim your balls!

Slow Motion

Right, it's time to put all this metro crap behind you and this is the place to do it! While I am a happy lazy drunken paunched member of the brotherhood, in my yoof I did many manly things to earn my stripes as it were. While no one has questioned my manly credentials in many a year I have noticed a serious lack from some of the brothers of late, no names no pack drill. This is your chance to leave all that behind. I shall lead the way, among other things I have

White water canoed in sub-zero tempratures.

Sailed the Irish sea on a tall ship during hurricane force winds with 40 foot waves.

Been in a bar brawl (Didn't start it but helped finish it).

There are more but these will get the ball rolling. Next......?

Don1

Tried to go warp speed then turn on ice on a snowboard with no protective gear (sustained head injury)

Tried to go warp speed on a bmx with a helmet (can't remember accident) (sustained head injury despite helmet. Would've died without it according to docs)

Tried to descend a dry stream bed on a mountain bike, got thrown off (only for the helmet, would have sustained another head injury) :rolleyes:

There's a trend there............

Dukes of Hazzarded a humpback bridge doing 50/60 mph, damaged exhaust and sumpguard but it was sooo worth it!! (not smart I know)

Gave myself tinnetis from playing guitar waaaaay too loud.

Got hammered on Absinthe and took 105 quite bizzare photos on a film camera.


That'll do for now.

ShayK1

Don1 wrote: »

Tried to go warp speed then turn on ice on a snowboard with no protective gear (sustained head injury)

I was there but didn't fall

Don1 wrote: »

Tried to descend a dry stream bed on a mountain bike, got thrown off (only for the helmet, would have sustained another head injury) :rolleyes:

I was there but didn't fall

Don1 wrote: »

Dukes of Hazzarded a humpback bridge doing 50/60 mph, damaged exhaust and sumpguard but it was sooo worth it!! (not smart I know)

that brings back memorys of my clio on ever bridge I came to


Let me think.... 2 girls, back seat of my car.... we were all getting very friendly
Thats all I'm saying

Don1

You can just shut the hell up. I just have difficulty staying within my limits. I am of the opinion that if you don't at least come close to getting broken up you're not tryin to push it enough!

Fair play on the '94 Clio abuse! :D:D What a car!

Latchy

From earliest memories climbing ther wellington monument in the phonix park has to be a highlight .You were nobody until you completed that feat

Recruit training at 17 with the irish army out in the wilds of the cork mountains ,with the rain sleet and snow .Digging in and sleeping in a trench for 2 days as well and wishing i was anywere but here but ya know what ?

It made men of us .

Sailing back and forth across the irish sea on a fast ferry in atrocious weather ,when all and sundry was throwing up i was doing a Leonardo DiCaprio on the foreward bow (or was that the starboard ? ) and laughing into the wind ..............yeah i got my sea legs as well

This rant could easy turn into a boys/mans own adventure so i will stop right here...............but will be back with more exciting adventures soon i am sure

The Hill Billy

Achievements:

1. Only barred from 2 pubs:
(a) The Old Mill in Rush - after a minor disagreement with the owner over respective tastes in music, then ran for my life.
(b) A karaoke bar opposite the "Irish Times Bar" in Antwerp. Another music-related disagreement after a dulcet rendition of "My Way" a la Sid Vicious. Apparently they were expecting in a more Sinatra-esque style. Ho-hum!
2. Flew a TU-154 over Poland while being a wee bit tipsy (langered actually). (Well OK, it was on auto-pilot.)
3. Nearly got shot by the military police in Minsk airport after plane mentioned in point 2 landed. (Loooonnnggg story.)
4. No kiddies apart from those with Mrs Billy.
5. Managed to survive my 20's.

admiralofthefleet

well....

i have been barred from a few pubs/clubs

woke up covered in piss after a leo in france

went on a 3 day leo at the new year while working through it

touched up my pe teacher in secondary school

got jiggy in the kitchen with a waitress in a cafe i worked in years ago while the cafe was open

trout

1) I have lured, beguiled, tantalised, hitched and remained steadfast to mrs trout. This is a good thing.

2) With some help from mrs trout, I have filled three prams ... which gives me an enormous sense of well being.

3) I have maintained a core of genuine friends since primary school; next to my family, this is my greatest source of joy.

4) Every saturday, for almost 15 years, I have stepped onto the rugby field and matched myself against lunatics, nutjobs, musclebound pyscho's and maniacs. I rarely take a backward step.

5) I was once arrested for being run over. Well ... I was knocked off my motorbike by a chap delivering papers, all the Gardai saw was me running back up to the van and smashing the windscreen with my helmet. I was trying my best to throttle the van driver through the broken windscreen, when the cops dragged me off him. Thankfully several witnesses showed up, and the van driver agreed not to press charges; I agreed not to hunt him down and finish the job. :cool:

6) During a challenge match against an Army rugby team, a fight developed, and I found myself pairing off against a large and very capable chap, who I later found out was a boxing champion and unarmed combat instructor. He was unable to knock me down, and I was unable to choke-hold him (he had no neck). As we were separated, he vowed to hunt me down and kill me ... my retort was "yeah ... but you'll still be a pr1ck!". Howls of derisive laughter followed.

:cool:

jester77

One night while drunk myself and 2 wimmin scaled a fence and hopped into a local leisure center. We got nakid and ran across the lawns and into the outdoor pool. It was still heated with a nice layer of steam floating across it. We managed about 30 mins of swimmin and frolics before we had to bolt, damn security. Almost lost my left nut getting out of the place, was left with a nice scar down the inside of my leg!

Fell out of a bar in the south of France on a Monday morning after getting the bright idea of giving my flight home a miss the day before and realised I was meant getting into work back in Ireland. Rang the receptionist and left a message only to find out a few months later that I was actually talking to her! Had a bit of an adventure to get home. Decided that evening after I'd sobered up and visited the local internet cafe that the cheapest way home would be to take the train to Paris, fly to Luton, bus to Stansted, flight to Dublin and train home the following day. Train to Paris was late, missed my flight so I had to book a new flight with Easyjet. Realised I'd also miss my Ryanair Stansted flight so had to book a new one. Got into Luton and discovered no bus would get me to Stansted for my flight, didn't want to book a 3rd flight, so got a taxi, ouch. Ryanair flight was late into Dublin so I'd missed the last bus and train, had to take a late flight out of Dublin. Have to say that those extra pints in France turned out to be the most expensive pints I've ever had!

During my leaving cert I had a GAA match to play. Much to my dismay they wouldn't play me as they didn't want to be responsible for me getting injured. It was only a junior match and there was just a referee there so some members of each club had to do linesmen and umpires. I was elected to be linesman. I gave a 50/50 decision to our team much to the anger of one of the opposing players. He was still fuming and managed to get sent off shortly after. On his way off the field he swung a hook at me catching me squarely in the jaw and flooring me. Mass brawl broke out. So much for not playing in case I got injured, lol

Slow Motion

Some good tales brothers, bringing the testosterone levels up nicely! Keep em coming!

ShayK1

trout wrote: »

"yeah ... but you'll still be a pr1ck!"

SHEER QUALITY!!!

Karl Hungus

Slow Motion wrote: »

White water canoed in sub-zero tempratures.

Sailed the Irish sea on a tall ship during hurricane force winds with 40 foot waves.

That kinda things sounds more like it belongs on the Fitness forum, rather than Beer Guts & Receding Hair.

I want to talk about food, booze and wimmins. In that order.

Karl Hungus

Karl Hungus wrote: »

That kinda things sounds more like it belongs on the Fitness forum,

Thou shalt not mention "that place" here.

Slow Motion

Karl Hungus wrote: »

That kinda things sounds more like it belongs on the Fitness forum, rather than Beer Guts & Receding Hair.

I want to talk about food, booze and wimmins. In that order.

I did say it was in my youth brother, now I would just watch such things on T.V. with a beer in my hand and a pizza on my gut!

roar_ie

White Water Kayaking in sub-zero tempratures I have done as well, several times at this stage. Certainly clears away the hangover.

Played football in near sub-zero tempratures.

Knocked out my too front teeth playing "tip" rugby in school

That'll have to do for now

Disclaimer - Has never "lost" his balls and is not a silly metro sexual

Mr. CooL ICE

I rode my best mates' sister. And he congratulated me for it!

I fell off an 8ft wall onto concrete and broken glass, landing on my head, and I'm still alive.

I beat the Apache Meal Deal challenge along with a mate of mine. Involved splitting a 16" pizza with 4 toppings, a portion of wedges, garlic bread and 3 cans of coke evenly. Did in less than the required 15 mins.

King of Kings

thrown out of countless pubs (is this good or bad???)

drove around europe in honda civic with no licence

fought 7 lads on nitelink and got out unscathed - although the design of the bus prob saved my hide.

ate meal for 3 from rebel pizza on many occasion
- 12inch pizza
- garlic bread
- 1lb chicken wings
- fries
- 3 cans of coke

thai gf cannot make a curry too hot for me and by god she has tried.

Slidey

Stopped a car while he drove the wrong way down a dual carrigeway, combined speed of approx 80mph, with front bumper of my car... cut a knuckle
Three staples in back of head after fracturing skull when i fell off a site dumper aged 15
Put a starter in my car the day after i had a hernia operation..
Eat mentos and drank diet coke, not good!
Managed to do bungy, whitewater rafting and skydiving in 3 consecutive days without any injury!

Ginny

Well I am a girl, but...
I have a licence to kill
I've broken my neck.

Slidey

got a couple of slaps for answerin a drunks question of 'what are you lookiin at' with some smart arsed comment... still has always being worth it!

Don1

Went out drinking. Looooaaddds of beer.
Went to a friends flat (shayk1) where we and a few others tore into a litre of vodka, with no mixer, polish style!
Bottle gone in 15 mins.
Wrestling (not gay spandex, just rugby tackling and throwing people over the back of the sofa and stuff) ensued.
Wrecked the appartment.
One by one passed out.
Woke up starkers on a couch.
Got up, found my clothes in the bathroom (???)
Found my way home (should not have taken the car)
Passed out in the bed for two hours.
Got up, showered and went to work.
Every time I got asked to serve a vodka I went and puked my ring up.
Eventually got sent home for being too hungover/drunk.

Good times.

ShayK1

Don1 wrote: »

Went out drinking. Looooaaddds of beer.
Went to a friends flat (shayk1) where we and a few others tore into a litre of vodka, with no mixer, polish style!
Bottle gone in 15 mins.
Wrestling (not gay spandex, just rugby tackling and throwing people over the back of the sofa and stuff) ensued.
Wrecked the appartment.
One by one passed out.
Woke up starkers on a couch.
Got up, found my clothes in the bathroom (???)
Found my way home (should not have taken the car)
Passed out in the bed for two hours.
Got up, showered and went to work.
Every time I got asked to serve a vodka I went and puked my ring up.
Eventually got sent home for being too hungover/drunk.

Good times.

Man that was some night!! The state of the place the next morning... and the state of you hehehe

The Recliner

Too many drunken escapades to mention, here are a few

Whilst living in Galway, went out boozing very early, woke up that night on a bus which was on a ferry to Scotland, turned out to be a great weekend, ended up having to busk to make enough money for the journey home

Went out to celebrate a friends birthday, met a girl who was in Galway for the night on a class night out from UL, ended up on a bus to Limerick that night and spent 3 great days there, this was the week before my final exams

On a very druken day out I got knocked down by a car, jumped up a few seconds later singing "I got knocked down, but I got up again, you ain't never going to keep me down" for the life of me I couldn't figure out the next morning why I was covered in bruises and was so sore

dr strangelove

Played rugby for Wales (U13s),
Indulged in 3 (separate) 24 hour drink-a-thons,
Played naked twister with two young ladies,
Was a professional scuba diver in Thailand for a year,
Was married and divorced within a 24 hour period,
Once drank one of those bottles of vodka with the scorpion in it,
Drove to Mongolia in a '91 Nissan Micra,
Drank lots of beer and ate lots of pies.

Don1

Went to Germany for summer work, couldn't find any, spent a month flat out drinking. Had to phone home for money to fly home!
Went to Germany to work for the World Cup. Worked for three days and drank flat out for seven weeks!! Some party!!
I like Germany!

trout

dr strangelove wrote: »

Played rugby for Wales (U13s)

Did you break my nose in Cardiff in 1992 ? Did you :mad:

*squints at dr strangelove, and tries to remember back that far*

dr strangelove

Probably not, it was 1981!

<whistles tunelessly, and tries to look innocent>

Left Wales in 1983, and never went back.

Karl Hungus

Slow Motion wrote: »

I did say it was in my youth brother, now I would just watch such things on T.V. with a beer in my hand and a pizza on my gut!

That's the BGRH spirit!

Although, on the whole acheivement things, I once drank somewhere between 2.5 - 3 litres of vodka, and didn't die!

King of Kings wrote: »

thai gf cannot make a curry too hot for me and by god she has tried.

Ah, Thai food ain't that hot. Now, I live with a guy from Afghanistan and the curry he makes, that's probably the hottest substance I've ever eaten. Swear pours down my face while eating it. Lovely stuff though, can't get enough of it.

But a Thai girlfriend? I approve!

RE*AC*TOR

I fell out of an attic after a bottle of Jagermeister (neat).
I was unable to walk much the following day.

minidazzler

dr strangelove wrote: »

Was married and divorced within a 24 hour period,

The other stuff was class but this is Fan-feckin-tastic.



Called in to school sick when my buddies da died to go on a binge to help him get over it.

Downed a litre of Vodka in 25 mins then moved on to Saki straight.

Started Drinking on a 3rd floor balcony with no side rail in Paris. (Vodka was my first)

Spat over the Eiffel Tower.

Had a girl break off with her fella for me then told her I wasnt interested.

Went Surfing in Lahinch, Kayaking in Lahinch, Abseiled off the Burren and all with a massive Hangover.

I have more but my memory is shot as most involve copious amounts of alcohol.

Peared

Something manly ye all have in common.

Slamming the stable door shut after the horse has well and truly bolted.

*walks on by*

King of Kings

Karl Hungus wrote: »

Ah, Thai food ain't that hot. Now, I live with a guy from Afghanistan and the curry he makes, that's probably the hottest substance I've ever eaten. Swear pours down my face while eating it. Lovely stuff though, can't get enough of it.

whens the invite or can you post recipe cos id love to try some.
although she has some afghan friends so i might ask her.

Karl Hungus wrote: »

But a Thai girlfriend? I approve!

why thank you...

Tragedy

Not cried in 15 years
Put so much pepper on my beans lesser folks cry just breathing in the aroma(and thats before it goes through me)
Never had a cocktail
Never ordered Baileys

Slow Motion

Tragedy wrote: »

Never had a cocktail

Never heard of that!

Tragedy wrote: »

Never ordered Baileys

Seen an ad once!

The Recliner

I have a beer diploma

Gained in Bamberg in Germany by drinking in all the 11 breweries in the town in one day, can only be achieved in one day by planning with military precision. Starting at the outside of the town and cycling from one brewery to another in a spiral leading towards the town centre, you eventually have to ditch the bikes for fear of killing yourself

The region around Bamberg has the most breweries per head of population in the world

We had two pints in each brewery

Baudelaire

If you've all lost your balls you don't need to do all these "manly" things to try retrieve them, because lets be honest, falling down a mountain and landing on your crotch 10 times in a Homer-esque fashion isn't going to help retract them again now is it? but what might help is asking your girlfriend to pop them back out again while she has her finger up your arse and is in a position to give them a quick tap from behind :D