Relationship situation, please help.

LegacyUser

I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years now. The day I got into a relationsip with him I told him that I wasn't going to take this too seriously, and I didn't want it to be as long term as my previous relationship (two years)

For the first year of our relationship I had moved to the other side of the country to go to College, so our relationship was sor to long distance. I only saw him at the weekends, which suited me down to the ground. Around Halloween last year I tried to split up with him, which lasted about 2 weeks, during which he sent me on a serious guilt trip and then came up to where I was living and we kissed (and more ) when I was drunk. I felt so bad the next day for giving in that I just gave in and got back with him. I didn't want him to think that I was messing him about, splitting up and then kissing him.

This year however, he was accepted into college here too. (he actually didn't get in anywhere else, he would have stayed local if he had the choice, I think) So now I see him every day. Bad news. He's over in my house every day and last semester even pestered me to let him move in. I said no. (thank god I was strong about that)

Before Christmas I sat him down and told him that I didn't want to be in a relationship with him, I was sick of relationships and I didn't want to let it go on til my opinion of him was soured. I told him I wasn't enjoying the physical side of the relationship and that I no longer found him sexually attractive. He still didn't want to split up with me

Knowing that he'd be hurt over it I told him we had to discuss it after christmas because I didn't want to ruin his holiday.

My main problem is that he gets along really well with my friends and housemates, whereas I've barely met his friends. I can't go to certain social societies any more because he goes. I see enough of him at home. He told me that if we split up he'd still come over to see my housemates and would still go out to the pub and socialise with my friends. Ten he just couldn't understand why I was so angry about this (am I mad, or should I be upset about it?)

At the start of the first semester my housemate gave him the spare key to our house (without asking me), which I took back from him a week ago, but somehow he has gotten hold of it again. He takes it upon himself to let himself in and even come up and straight into my bedroom to find me.

I'm really upset over this and nervous about splitting up with him, as I know I won't be able to get away from him. I know I'll still come home to find him in my house with my housemates.


I'm really upset about this and nervous about this, I'm just so bad at splitting up with people. How can I make him realise that if I do this I need space and I need my friends? I have no idea what to do

dudara

You have to break off all contact with this guy. You told him that you wanted to break up at Christmas and he is still hanging around!! He is just not accepting the message, but you will have to drive it home.

Be cruel to be kind here.

evry1sm8

Maybe talk to your housemates and tell them what the story is...that you really need space. You pay the rent there so they should respect that if it would be uncomfortable for you to have him in the house than it isnt really acceptable to give him keys etc...
And same goes for your friends, if they are your friends more than his, just tell them you need their support on this.

LegacyUser

evry1sm8 wrote: »

Maybe talk to your housemates and tell them what the story is...that you really need space. You pay the rent there so they should respect that if it would be uncomfortable for you to have him in the house than it isnt really acceptable to give him keys etc...
And same goes for your friends, if they are your friends more than his, just tell them you need their support on this.

When I told my best friend that I'd be splitting up with him, they said that they wanted to continue their friendship with him and would still go out to socialise with him. I actually begged my friend to support me, because I feel that I might be left on my own when I split up with this guy. I asked the boyfriend aswell to respect my space icluding my friends, but he was not cooperative about it at all. He's a well meaning guy, he just doesn't understand that I need space. Or maybe he knows that if he does this it'll lower the chances of me splitting up with him...

Tragedy

Break up and cut off all contact, now. It seems that he's been trying to worm his way into every facet of your life and he has no intention of stopping, do a clean break and if it means finding a new place to stay...well so be it, you'll feel better for it eventually.

jdivision

Why did you go out with somebody in the first place when you didn't want to be in a relationship?

Tell the guy it's over and move on. If he wants to hang around with your friends and they want to hang around with him that's their choice. You can't and shouldn't tell him not to be near people who are likely his friends too at this stage.

spinandscribble

tell him its over, cut from the bebo ect, MOVE OUT. dont tell him where you've moved to. you can tell your friends but on the condition they dont tell him. they may have a right to have him over but not to tell him your address.
have you considered he doesnt have any friends besides these friends?

Lollipops23

OP i reckon that your mates should stand by you in the event of a break up if they knew you first.I know there'd be killings if my lot took the side of my ex!but that's just me and it is always hard to see "who gets the mates" in divorce!!

But with regards to the key;how would your landlord feel if they knew a non-rent payer had it??worst comes to worst give him/her a buzz and bring it to their attn.He has no right to have it and what's more your house mate had n right giving it to him.

He's a big boy OP,he has to get over it and move the feck on!erm,just don't get drunk and score him again,K?!!:D

LegacyUser

jdivision wrote: »

Why did you go out with somebody in the first place when you didn't want to be in a relationship?

Rebound from a bad relationship.

spinandscribble wrote: »

MOVE OUT.

I'd love to, unfortunately I have a contract with my landlord.

spinandscribble wrote: »

have you considered he doesnt have any friends besides these friends?

He has loads of friends, but he's studying art, so he gets to talk to them all day.

Lollipops23 wrote: »

OP i reckon that your mates should stand by you in the event of a break up

I know, most of them will, but my best freinds get along with him so well. One night I came in in tears after having broken up with him (a while back) and my friend went on about how "he's a lovely guy, you'll never find anyone nicer, don't split up with him" *sighs*

Lollipops23 wrote: »

just don't get drunk and score him again,K?!!:D

Yeah. Lesson learned.

Overheal

Cruel to be kind. Its not pretty on the receiving end (I know..) but its for the best. The gentle approach only ever left me with bitter feelings and continued attatchment. At least whe cruel approach does away with the attatchment.