Slate me?

Triple A

<Opening scene to a novel i am working on>

Incredibad

Please stop writing. THere is no way to be constructive about this train wreck. Thanks.

kmick

Are you aiming to be the next John Grisham? It is a bit unwieldy language wise but its not the worst I have ever read.

Triple A

You are probably right Incredibad. I wont argue with you. Maybe i should stop but unfortunately i like writing.

And yes kmick it is rather cumbersome, i know. I am trying to get the story complete and then go back to the start and do the hard work.

I don't ever expect my work to be described as the Orient Express but hopefully when i'm done it'll be a shade better than a train wreck..;)

randomcountdown

Triple A wrote: »

You are probably right Incredibad. I wont argue with you. Maybe i should stop but unfortunately i like writing.

Yes.

Triple A wrote: »

I don't ever expect my work to be described as the Orient Express but hopefully when i'm done it'll be a shade better than a train wreck..;)

No.

DublinWriter

Smoking as a 'trope' in thriller fiction is really clichéd.

Sarky

Really, how many times must I repeat some variation on the phrase "constructive criticism only"?

Incredibad and randomcountdown banned for a week or so. Maybe more.

darkestlord

Dont stop writing. It was'nt that bad and is'nt writing the same as any other skill.Practise every day and it will get better so get a pen and paper and get writing.
Get yourself on a creative writing course and get writing.
Goodluck.

Memnoch

Sarky wrote: »

Really, how many times must I repeat some variation on the phrase "constructive criticism only"?

Incredibad and randomcountdown banned for a week or so. Maybe more.

Not my place to say but this should really be a permenant ban, or at least a couple of months. Hasty criticism like this can completely wreck someone's confidence and creativity, and seems to have done so on this occasion.

Tripple A. Don't get disheartened. I didn't get a chance to read what you put up, but my advice to you is to read a LOT in the genre you want to write. Try to read at least 2-3 books a week in that genre for a couple of months, till you have read atleast 10 or so novels. Then when you feel a little inspired, have another go at it. But keep reading more stuff even as you write.

Sarky

If Incredibad's ban hadn't already been made permanent for pressing the issue really badly with me, then intimidating the OP so much as to remove his work certainly would have.

Triple A, I don't suppose we could convince you to repost? I can't promise a lack of criticism, but I'm sure it'll at least be useful from now on, won't it boys and girls?

Jack Sheehan

Well I can't really criticise you one way or the other, because it's gone. Please bring it back, it can't be that bad and I'm rather interested now? What do you say?

maninamousesuit

ok i never saw the sample but i would recommend that before you write your magnum opus you should write a brace of short stories using your main characters to see how they sound and interact. Also swot up on your subject and see where your people fit. good luck with it and never give up. Ignore what others say if you believe you are right. This is how the envelope is pushed. Please resubmit your work again and let those of us who are interested in seeing new work in at the birth!:)

IncredibleHulk

Would you post it again, didn't get a chance to read