My father is a C%&*t

Bendihorse

Not going unreg for this cos i cant be arsed.

Im at boiling point with him today, hes manic depressive and wont take his tablets. My mother has gone away for two weeks holiday to sanfrancisco to see my sister whos just had her second child and ever since shes gone and possibly a week before she left, he has been having a manic episode.

I find him much easier to deal with when hes in depressed mode. He has not been home since she left (i dont live with him but my mother asked me to keep looking in on him while she was gone, hes like a baby and cant cook/clean/look after himself at all.) Hes out late at night drinking somewhere with someone, i dont know who. Drinking, of course is a great help to a man with his condition. Theres a big history of mental illness and alcoholism in his family. The reason i said that in the title is because when i try to interject or help he turns on me and makes it personal. He made a show of me in work today.

I need to vent this here, dont know if i have a question or can get an answer to this 'problem' so sorry for blowing off steam. Does anyone on here have experience of dealing with someone close to them with this illness? Its my mother i really feel sorry for, shes such a saint to be able to deal with him 24/7, im freaking out after a week!

Marksie

bendihorse: i am in a quandry here as i think this may be better in the long term illness forum.

the mods there can bounce it back if necessary

Bendihorse

Thanks marksie, im in a quandry too...

I should clarify, he will take his tablets when hes feeling depressed but 'cuts' the dose or else decides he doesn't need them when hes manic, therefore hes self medicating.

Nevyn

That is a problem with those who are bipolar, how old is your Dad as for many the manic side burns out when they head for 50.

Is there anyway you can get him to take the meds ?

Dizzyblonde

Bendihorse my family background is similar, but my father was never diagnosed due to a fear and mistrust of doctors. There's definitely mental health issues but he's always self-medicated with alcohol.
I have no answers for you, I just wanted to say I know exactly what it's like to have a problem like this in the family. In our case my mother always took responsibility for everything from the running of the house to providing for his every need which I feel enabled him to doddle along and never have to face the fact that he has a problem. Like your father he can't do anything for himself because he's never had to. I used to think my mother was marvellous to put up with my father until I realised that it was the easier option.
They're elderly now and the situation hasn't changed.

I think it's a lot to ask of you to 'look after' him, especially since he won't help himself by staying on his meds.(I also suffered the embarrassment of being made a show of in work when I was young and I know how awful it is!).

There's only so much you can do while your mother is away, but maybe when she's back you can sit down with them both at a time when your dad's feeling good and have a chat about what's going on?
I hope this reassures you that there are a lot of families out there with the same type of problem.

Bendihorse

Thanks Dizzy, nice to know im not alone Dads father died recently, the depression that came after that happened was enough to make agree that he needed help. His GP and old friend has told him that 'hes not depressed and not to start taking meds as he'll only get addicted to them'. Luckily we convinced him to go and see someone else.

Thaed: Hes 55 and no sign of the manic side to burn out. When hes like that he thinks hes invincible, the best fella alive and he looses all regard for everyone around him. Makes stupid decisions when hes like that too. Its terrible to have to be trying to police him all the time to stop him doing something stupid - tail wagging the dog.

Im going to say something to him at lunch about the meds but i know ill be told where to go.

Dizzyblonde

My dad's almost 77 and still thinks he's invincible when he's drinking, lol.
You're a good son Bendihorse, have a chat with him about the meds but remember that he has to want to address the problem.
And remember, you can be there for him but you're not responsible for his actions - I wish someone had told me that when I was young, it would've saved a lot of embarrassment and worry.

Good luck

Bendihorse

Im female Dizzyblond

I wouldn't call him a full blown alcoholic, he drinks wine with his dinner, half bottle if mom is around, full bottle if she's not. (wine is the great excuse thats available to people nowadays to explain away the need for alcohol during the week) Sometimes he goes out without drinking, so he obviously knows that it doesn't suit him.

He doesn't have to be drunk to be obnoxious, its all the time.

Thing is he doesn't have to drink a lot to be drunk, 4 or 5 pints and hes scuttled, singing loudly, talking loudly and getting way over friendly with the people around him, especially females, putting his arm around them when talking to them making them visably uncomfortable.

Neither myself or any of the rest of my brothers or sisters cant go out with him anymore, if mom is going out she either keeps him in check for the night, or convinces him to stay off the drink altogether.

The ironic thing is hes is actively seeking to have his sister (who has the same illness as him, except is a worse case) brought in to get sobered up. She Binge drinks heavily, but if she is being presented to somebody for treatment she is able to stay sober for the day or two before and present like a perfectly normal person without a problem.

Sometimes i think it would be easier treat them both if they were raving alcoholics.

tbh

BH - have a look here, there is a list of organisations that might be able to give you advice. I guess it's always helpful to talk to someone who knows what you are going through, hopefully you feel better for this thread as well. Sorry to hear you are having a tough time, hope it gets better soon.

Dizzyblonde

Apologies Bendihorse,then you're a very good daughter

My father could never be described as a full-blown alcoholic either since he could go for ages without a drink too. I know what you mean about the over-familiarity and making people feel uncomfortable - story of my life - that's why we rarely go anywhere with my father too.

I really hope your dad will see that he needs help, and in the meantime make sure you look after yourself too, a family situation like this takes its toll on everyone.