Carry on?

ElDiego

Here is the background to the problem

Last summer I broke up with my then gf, it was along term relationship over 4 yrs, towards the end she began to treat me poorly (other people were not involved) and to be honest over the years I really did spoil her and expected nothing in return...........but the way she began to treat me at the end was really bad, all my friends told me to get out as I was being taken for a ride and deep down I knew it but could not let it go.

We broke up went through all the normal natural feelings loneliness, sadness nothing out of the normal........went out with my friends, who were extremely supportive .....but there was always the odd bit of contact which I suppose gave me a bit of hope. Anyway,I met some other girls but of course the natural thing was to compare them to my ex but they never matched up. 1st Dec I said thats it had enough not looking anymore and was happy to be by myself and enjoy my space........then a night later out you guessed it I met somebody.

Fast forward two months until now and we are getting on great. I can be myself unlike with my ex as I always felt I had to hold back a bit, family and friends think we are really suited and to be honest so do I. She gets on great with all of them and where the ex never made the effort only her circle of friends\family mattered. The only problem is the age difference.....she is 23 and I am 28. Before you ask I did not even think about my ex since I met this person.

This weekend I got a text from the ex asking me how I am etc. Knowing well she has either heard that I am with somebody or seen us together. This has began to get me thinking about past times etc but I know should be thinking of the bad times.

My question is I am mad to be caught up on the age difference and to be even entertaining the contact my ex (Yes I replied but just to be civil)

Sorry for the long post.

LegacyUser

The age difference is nothing!!!
Do not entertain your ex she had her chance, you need to focus your energy on someone that will give you back what she gets. Sounds to me like shes worth it the age is not a factor here.
you need to remember how bad your ex treated you, stay focused on your new girlfriend, youll reap much more and much better rewards giving to someone who will give back and someone who makes you feel GOOD about yourself, thats what everyone in the world is looking for.

Dont get back with your ex!!!!!
If shes only interested in you now that you have a new girl than its not genuine.

LegacyUser

TBH, your ex gf sounds like bit of a cow. really would you want to go back to someone who you feel had treated you badly in the past and who seems to be selfish that she would make no effort with the people that matter to you... if your happy with this new girl, why bother thinking of your ex at all and enjoy the time you spend with her.. I don't think that the age difference is a big deal, but that's probably because it's the same between me and my bf, and hasn't been a problem for us.

LegacyUser

I agree with the above posters. It is really important to have a bf/gf who cares about your friends and family - speaking from experience, I know how it feels when they don't, and it makes things really difficult and it's a selfish quality. It makes it really difficult to make time for your friends when you're with someone like that. Plus the fact that you say that you can be yourself around her says a lot.
You seem like a selfless and caring person going by your post (putting up with your ex when she was treating you badly, realising the importance of making an effort with friends and family, etc.) and you deserve someone better.
I know plenty of people with that sort of an age difference and it's not a problem. Talk about it with her if it's bothering you, and ask her how she feels. Of course you're going to be reminded about past times when you hear from an ex, but try to put that behind you and focus on the future. The girl you're with now sounds like she's a hell of a lot better and it's time to move on.

scoot on

The age difference is nothing. I have the exact same age difference with my boyfriend and there's no issue at all. Go for it. Forget about your ex.

pookie82

ElDiego wrote: »

My question is I am mad to be caught up on the age difference and to be even entertaining the contact my ex (Yes I replied but just to be civil)

Yes and Yes. More so to the second.

Buzz Buzz

The age difference should'nt even be a factor, is not like some other threads here where the ages are like 17 and 24 or whatever. You've got a great thing going, dont throw it away. Your Ex is only wants what she cant have.. forget about her.

jdivision

Get over it, she makes you happy. Five years either way at this stage in your life is nothing

Carrigart Exile

jdivision wrote: »

Get over it, she makes you happy. Five years either way at this stage in your life is nothing

That sort of age difference is almost traditional, its nothing at all. Might I suggest you change your mobile number and truly make the ex history

fuzzywiggle

5 years is nothing at your age. Stop nit picking! Take the relationship at face value...you're happy aren't you? Forget about your ex and keep moving forward!

Miss Fluff

Your ex only wants you now because you appear to be unattainable. Don't you think that particular boat has sailed? She sounds like an award-winning bitch imho and having contact with her will only mess with your head. Your new GF sounds great and it seems like you are TRYING to find a reason why it shouldn't work. 5 years is nothing, you are both adults. Live in the here and now for goodness sake, you have a great girlfriend so enjoy it and don't entertain any more texts from the ex, by that I mean don't even grace them with a reply asking her not to contact you again. Delete her number and forget she ever existed.

Mazeire

Kind of sounds like you are nit picking and looking for faults with this new girl. Is it because you are scared of getting hurt and trying to protect yourself or trying to justify something with your ex?
If its the latter, dont be daft. She treated you like crap and by promptly replying to her texts and scurrying back you are giving her carte blanche to walk all over you again.

Lollipops23

Miss Fluff wrote: »

She sounds like an award-winning bitch imho and having contact with her will only mess with your head.

+1!!!

I hate when the ex walks back into the picture just when things are getting rosy!but you're new gf sounds lovely, she's everything you're old one wasn't.

I don't blame you for being confused right now,it's just yer one messing with your head. Let her go, she's obviously unhappy.

Blazer

Actually they say that the most stable marriages are those where the bloke is 3-5 years old than the woman. Both are at the same levels of maturity seeing that girls mature earlier..
At my level of maturity I'm looking for an 18yr and I'm 34. very mature

tbh

same age difference with me and mine. No issue there.

iMax

Hey OP,

Three things here....

1. There's no age difference to talk of. I'm personally just under seven years older than my wife, we're together nearly fourteen years.

2. Your ex is aware you're with someone new, therefore you are now desirable again, kick her to the curb. Delete her phone number/texts/emails. She's your ex for a reason.

3. Start creating new good times with the new girl... file away the old ones as memories, nothing more.

I have an ex who I was with for nearly six years... one day she came up in conversation between my wife & I (we'd met her in the shops) & I questioned what I was thinking of being with her that long. My wife replied, that if I hadn't spent all that time with the ex, I wouldn't have met her as if we'd split up after say two years, then I'd have met someone else earlier & probably married them...

Life is a journey, people you meet along the way are passengers on the way to your destination.

ElDiego

Thanks for all the advice.............much appreciated!!! Ex is in the past for a reason.