Breakup or not!

LegacyUser

Hey all going unreg for this.

I went to Poland with my Boyfriend and one of his friends. The last night there I was really low and didnt really want to talk but my boyfriend kept asking me what was wrong and of course i kept on saying nothing is wrong. After about 2 hours of asking me I told him what was wrong. He got upset and went back to the Hostel, saying that he is sick of me being upset over nothing. It was over one of his friends saying I was tight with my money and im not!

Anyway I followed him back to the hostel trying to fix it but he wouldnt talk to me I followed him in to the hostel and into the dorm, he ignored me and he went to the shower. He then came from the shower and ignored me and said he was going for a walk. I wanted to talk so I said let me talk. He then walked off down the street I ran after him and grabbed his arm and said if you walk away from this it is over (not meaning it)

He walked off and i said fine ill see you at the hostel in 1 hour!

Anyway i came back to the hostel and he ignored me for the whole evening. They watched a movie and he didnt even look at me. After the movie I asked could i talk. Converstion got a little heated and I slapped him he then slapped me then I head butted out of reaction.

24 hours later we arrived back in dublin not a word utterted between us. Came home and he said it was over. I begged him to forgive me but he said it was not possible he was hurt.

then next 2 days he was sending me msgs here they are below. Any imput would be nice thanks.

he sent me this msg that night after he went to his friends house...I'm really bored here in the house. Do you know when you fell something missing? I feel like this. But we really need time. Where are you?

i replied to it, saying im in bed really upset cant sleep or eat without you, are you ok im sorry i hurt you

he replied im not ok actualy. it hurt me too, i still love you, but lets try this time 1 or 2 weeks and we will see what happens. hope you are ok, i dont mean to hurt you. XX


i said my heart will be broken waiting 2 weeks but if thats what you need then ill wait

he replued im sorry! but hope we are doing the right thing send me a sms whenever you want. many hugs good night baby! xxx


The next morning i got this

Good mroning. take it easy. i didnt leave you we will be together forever as friends. hope you are ok. did you sleep well? Are you eating? xxx

i said the pain is to bad i just want to die

he replied hey, dont say that. everything is gonna be ok. if i change my mind it will be this week or next. all the best for you. take care friends xxx

after he sent that msg he asked me did i want to go shopping with him today
there was something wrong with his phone today so he rearanged to meet me on Wed, this all started on Sunday night.

Guys what do you think pls

Thanks

Beetlebum

You headbutted your boyfriend?? Who do you think you are Zidane??? That is disturbing. You slapped him, then he slapped you....you both need help.

Lux23

Oh you both sound like you are ill matched. Ive had some mad fights with men over the years but none have ever come to blows so maybe its for the best if you break up.

hungryhippo

How long have you been together?

On the face of it, i'd say he wants out but is concerned about you and possibly thinking that you may do something stupid if he tells you straight up its over.

He is concerned for your welfare and trying to keep an eye on you, while backing away. "Are you eating?, etc"

evry1sm8

Hi.
Is this the 1st time youve slapped each other, or have you been violent with eachother before??
When you say you slapped him, was it a silly girly light slap that wouldnt hurt, or did you mean you actually *punched* him??
Sometimes when people dont feel like their WORDS are being heard, they lash out and try to get a response by punching or kicking. Obviously its not good at all!!! People like that usually need anger management therapy.

You need to figure out why you hit each other and fix that before your relationship can work out

speaktofrank

You headbutted him? I would have broken up with you straightaway too and not forgiven you either. You can't say you love someone then go aroung causing them physcial pain.

skywalker

Reading the first few lines I really think your a knightmare girlfriend.

He gave you ample opportunity to tell him what the problem was, but you didnt want to know until youd pissed him off to the point you ruined the night, then you wouldnt leave him alone wanting to talk.

As for the headbutting stuff, I really dont know what to comment, were either of ye drunk?

Wibbs

Stupid me! wrote: »

my boyfriend kept asking me what was wrong and of course i kept on saying nothing is wrong. After about 2 hours of asking me I told him what was wrong.

Sounds familiar. I learned many moons ago when a woman(I presume men too) gets like that ignoring it is the only option as it's pointless to waste my time on petulance. Indeed I would find repeated instances of that as grounds for saying goodbye. It would remind me too much of teenage silliness.

He got upset and went back to the Hostel, saying that he is sick of me being upset over nothing.

Well he was right. From his point of view it was over nothing as you didn't explain why you were upset. He knew it was something, but since he's not Uri Geller, mind reading is not on the agenda.

It was over one of his friends saying I was tight with my money and im not!

So why get in a strop with your boyfriend? See why he left you?

Anyway I followed him back to the hostel trying to fix it but he wouldnt talk to me

How did you try to fix it? Was it along the lines of "it isn't you, I'm upset with your friend thinking I'm stingey", or was it along the lines of "why won't you talk to me" with tears attached? I suspect the latter.

I followed him in to the hostel and into the dorm, he ignored me and he went to the shower. He then came from the shower and ignored me and said he was going for a walk.

Why not let him calm down and calm down yourself. Men and women can have different ways of dealing with this. He wanted space and you wanted to explain. You had time enough when he asked you repeatedly what was wrong. Only when you were ready to talk did you decide he was to get an explanation.

I wanted to talk so I said let me talk.

What you wanted. Not a lot about him there is there. A tad self centered.

He then walked off down the street I ran after him and grabbed his arm and said if you walk away from this it is over (not meaning it)

Again spoiled brat behaviour. He wasn't doing what you wnated him to do, so you try to scare and blackmail him emotionally knowing that you didn't mean it. Again all about you. Spot a pattern here?

He walked off and i said fine ill see you at the hostel in 1 hour!

He finally get some peace then.

Anyway i came back to the hostel and he ignored me for the whole evening. They watched a movie and he didnt even look at me.

Now he's throwing an immature strop. Though in his defence your strop wasn't about him in the first place, though by not telling him you made it about him.

After the movie I asked could i talk.

OK good start. time has passed.

Converstion got a little heated

As they will if communication is screwed up.

and I slapped him

Whoa!!

he then slapped me

Whoaaaa! well out of order. I don't care if you slapped him first, unless he thought he was in physical danger, hitting a woman is never on.

then I head butted out of reaction.

Game Over. That's it. End of. NO excuse for that.

You had a strop, which he had nothing to do with. You punished him for that. You hound him to "LISTEN TO MEEEEE!" you slap him, he slaps you and then you headbutt him!!? It's all about you. Jesus. Tres chic and ladylike I must say.

Came home and he said it was over.

Not surprised.

I begged him to forgive me but he said it was not possible he was hurt.

He's dead right frankly. That would be up there with cheating in my book. It both comes from the same thing. Self centeredness, immaturity and lack of respect. Game over.

he sent me this msg that night after he went to his friends house...I'm really bored here in the house. Do you know when you fell something missing? I feel like this. But we really need time. Where are you?

i replied to it, saying im in bed really upset cant sleep or eat without you, are you ok im sorry i hurt you

he replied im not ok actualy. it hurt me too, i still love you, but lets try this time 1 or 2 weeks and we will see what happens. hope you are ok, i dont mean to hurt you. XX

i said my heart will be broken waiting 2 weeks but if thats what you need then ill wait

he replued im sorry! but hope we are doing the right thing send me a sms whenever you want. many hugs good night baby! xxx

Crystal ball time?
OK he's calmed down now and he misses you. the incident has diminished in his head and he figures you may deserve a second chance. For what it's worth I think he's a brave or foolish man. I'll let others decide that.

Good mroning. take it easy. i didnt leave you we will be together forever as friends. hope you are ok. did you sleep well? Are you eating? xxx

i said the pain is to bad i just want to die

he replied hey, dont say that. everything is gonna be ok. if i change my mind it will be this week or next. all the best for you. take care friends xxx

Bit of a turnaround. His emotions are all over the place. He's thinking now long term and how this may pan out in the future. He likes and loves you, but figures a break may be in order. He's hedging his bets.

Guys what do you think pls

OK he's not here so it's about you. I think this isn't the first time this strop behaviour has happened. If it was the first time he may have reacted differently. I think your self value and self respect is quite low and you compensate by looking for attention. This validates you. Your boyfriends attention validates you and you look for that reaction, good or bad as it makes you feel better. You have few brakes on your emotions if that attention isn't supplied. You're empathy is also low. It's all about how a situation affects you and you alone.

You need to step back and look at yourself or he won't be the last guy to walk away. Not by a long shot.

LegacyUser

you know im actualy a guy we are a gay couple. This is the first time i have ever raised a finger to him i regret it i really do. I see he has thought about it and may want to try fix it. Should i meet him or should I say we need more time. I know in his heart he still loves me and will forgive me for what I did. It will of course never happen again.

If I do meet him what do I say do I bring it up in topic or do i just forget about it and try move things forward

Toots

+1. OP, I know he slapped you, but headbutting is, well it's headbutting!! TBH, it sounds like you'd be better off apart. What if you get back together and this behaviour happens again? But what if this time you do something worse? IMO, your BF would do well not to get back together with you. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but you physically assaulted him. Just because he's a guy and you're a girl doesn't make it ok. Neither does saying it was just a reaction.

biko

The first mistake was sitting sulking when your bf asking was something wrong.

Had you chosen to say, "Yeah I'm a bit angry because your friend thinks I'm tight with money" instead of dragging it out and causing a huge fight over something small it would never have come to blows.
Also, stop texting - use the mouthpiece of the phone.

Jack B. Badd

Tbh, OP, I think staying together is not really an option. You hit him, he hit you and you head-butted him. This is not healthy. If I ever raised my hand to my boyfriend I'd have to walk away from the relationship for fear of doing it again. Whether he hit me back would be irrelevant to me (I'm a woman but I'm pretty sure if I was a gay man I'd have the same opinion on the matter). If I cared at all for my partner I wouldn't feel that there would be much of alternative to ending it.

Bear in mind though, this is just my two cents on the matter. It's ultimately up to you and your boyfriend to decide on this. On an aside, you could probably do with looking into going to a counselor or anger management classes though. Lashing out because you're having a heated argument is not an adult way to resolve anything.

odarallo

sounds pritty intense, you should not have done what you did. He has had his time to think and he wants to meet you. It is way to soon to meet unless it was to talk about getting back together, would not be common for 2 people to split then meet 2 days later