Friend conflict issue

LegacyUser

This could get fairly long winded but I'll keep it as short as possible.

Basically I was living in a flat and I paid for the internet and tv connection. I then moved out but because it was a hassle to change names I agreed to keep on paying the bills and my former flatmate and whoever moved in could pay me back the money every month (my first mistake). Well one guy moved in and he was fine but moved out. Then another guy moved in and he has turned out to be a tricky customer. Basically the bill leaves my account on 21st of every month. After 21st December just past the two guys said that they didn't have the money spare so I let it go as I didn't really need the cash. Now this continued until Thursday just past. The January payment had left my account. Now I went to the guy who I originally had lived with and asked for the cash. His pay had been getting f**ked about until then but at this point he was quite happy to go to the ATM and get me the money. I saw the other guy later that evening and asked him for the money for both December and January. He started getting arsey saying stuff like "well it's your name on the bill - strictly speaking I don't owe you anything". I then pretty much blanked him and decided I was going to cancel the connection to the flat (there is only another month left). Now here is where I perhaps made my second mistake. I texted the guy that I had lived with originally who now lives with the guy in question and said that he was refusing to pay me back and that he ought to be aware that is a bill dodger. Disappointingly, it would appear that that guy who I thought was a trustworthy friend then either mentioned this text or showed it to the bill dodger. I bumped into him this evening and he was in my face accusing me of performing a character assassination, although I had only texted one person. He was really f**king getting in my face and we were really close to blows and he was just being a complete bast**d calling me all sorts although I tried to reason I was getting aggressive too - it was hard not to. He basically said that he was going to send emails to my work saying damaging things about me and put things on myspace, bebo etc which his place after I had moved out and was very drunk and pi**ed myself on the sofa. He also reminded me of a fiver I had drunkenly loaned from him ages ago and had GENUINELY forgotten about - if at any time he had asked for it he would have got it back. At the time it was said that it was ok but wouldn't want to be repeated (fair enough of course). The problem is that this guy is being way over the top and he is involved in my friend group quite a lot because he is a loudmouth and is always out. There was another friend of mine out tonight who refused to get involved, but then they went for a Chinese meal together. That combined with the fact my other mate who I used to live with has shown the text to this other guy makes me feel that I am on the verge of losing a lot of friends potentially.

This particularly bothers me because tbh I could have posted a hundred times on PI before - I have several personal issues, but in light of that, friends are a precious thing to have and with this additional complication I feel a bit knocked. Part of me feels like "f**k him, get some people together to give him a filthy merciless beating that will affect him for the rest of his life" Another part of me feels like I should try to be conciliatory but I am also sick of being the dickless eejit who always backs down. Either way, I fear tough times may be ahead for me.

It was only a relatively small amount on money but I saw the guy out in the pub drinking all through December and did not at any time make mention of the money.

AnonoBoy

Take your name off the bills. Straight away. Ring the relevant companies and say you want to close the account. Then let the guys know that they're going to have to put the bills in their names.

I can't believe anyone would agree to this situation - paying the bills for a house you don't live in. Outrageous.

As for the money. You should ask for it back. But if you would rather peace than the cash then you may have to end up letting it go. It sounds like this guy decided he was going to coast a bit and have you sort out his bills.

blah

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Take your name off the bills. Straight away. Ring the relevant companies and say you want to close the account.

Definitely yes.

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Then let the guys know that they're going to have to put the bills in their names.

Actually no, let them figure it out for themselves when everything gets shut off. You don't owe them the courtesy, since they haven't really shown you any.

I think at the end of the day you should just forget about it. Doesn't sound like you're desperate for the money. Just put it down to experience and don't let it happen again.

Mighty_Mouse

I then moved out but because it was a hassle to change names I agreed to keep on paying the bills and my former flatmate and whoever moved in could pay me back the money every month

This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
I reckon sometimes ya gotta pay the price for yer own stupidity!

Ya lost a few quid due to yer own idiocy but then went and made it 10times worse by causing a scene.
People get real tetchy when it comes to cash issues.
I reckon take the hit and drop the whole matter asap

Oh yea & quit paying bills for you former flat!!

LegacyUser

I know it seems ridiculous paying bills for a flat I wasn't living in but it was a two bed place and when I lived there it was with a friend I'd know since school. I moved out and he stayed on and another friend moved in. Because our tv and broadband provider were being very dicky about changing the names over, I agreed that I would keep the bill in my name and that I would be paid back by them whenever the money left my account that had been working fine until this next guy moved in in December.

Having said that I can see that it was not a wise thing to do. Luckily there is only one more monthly payment. Tbh, the money is not what I care about in the case, it is more the principle and the fact that he seems to have completely flipped and is now dead set on carrying out this personal vendetta against me, emailing my work and slagging me off on every social networking site possible. I mean, all I did was text my old schoolfriend mate some thing like "Hey there, didn't manage to get the cash off *****. Good luck when your first joint bill comes in". There were also some letters for me that he said he was going to shred just for pure badness. These could be jobs that I had applied for whilst still living in that house (although unlikely). Nevertheless he doesn't know what is in the envelopes and clearly doesn't give a damn either. I'm concerned that a lot of my friends will perhaps decide to side with him because he is more outspoken and more of a cnut, whereas I would generally be more conciliatory. For an easy life I fear they will continue to socialise with them and I'll be left out in the cold. I do have some other friends but it just never pleasant to see people you thought were friends show their true colours. Equally it is not nice to see that grinning cnut all smug because I am not hanging around any more and that he has "won". It does make me very vengeful. I hate the thought of him thinking he is the big fella. He needs brought down a peg or two.

Shelli

Sound like a right pr*ck.....i'd wait till everyone was out together and ask him for the money infront of everyone, be really nice about it so he can't bad mouth you. That might wipe that stupid grin off his face!

Mighty_Mouse

I know it seems ridiculous

It is ridiculous.............full-stop, period,........no matter what the circumstances.

I hate the thought of him thinking he is the big fella. He needs brought down a peg or two.

You starting to sound like the nice-quite-guy who one day rolls into work with a shotgun!!

There's only one way to handle this and thats to talk to the bloke.
Just say:
"listen buddy, we both hang out with the same people so lets bury this.
I was an idiot not to disconnnect it in the first place. I'll admit that.

I don't like you, you don't like me but you just keep the cash as payment of me not having to talk to ya!! And next time yer stuck for a few bob, contact yer local priest.
I ain't interested in agro, you actually aint worth the hassle."

Lollipops23

While I agree that it was stupid to leave your name on the bills, this guy sounds like a huge penis.

At the end of the day he owes you money which he agreed was rightfully yours. and as for the "character assasination" part-he's completely overreacting and at least your friend will have seen that a)he can't be trusted and b)he freaks over ridiculous stuff.

pi**edoff wrote: »

There were also some letters for me that he said he was going to shred just for pure badness. These could be jobs that I had applied for whilst still living in that house (although unlikely). Nevertheless he doesn't know what is in the envelopes and clearly doesn't give a damn either.

This part is the weirdest part- tampering with someone's post is, as far as i know, a criminal offence. If he did something with yours and you could prove it, he could get in trouble.and if he sends anything to your job you could have him for harrassment!!!

jackal

Grow a pair. He is going to email your work/bebo... with what exactly? He is going to shred your letters? Tell him you will let the gardai know about it. Stand up to this fella. You made a silly mistake from your persepective, but in good faith, and they repay you with this kind of rubbish? To be honest he sounds like one of those guys that are loud, catty, bullying etc. Sometimes people take their side because they want to be inside the tent pissing out... so that they are not the target. Those types wear thin with everybody after a while, so I wouldnt be too worried about losing your freinds over this idiot. If they are that easily turned against you, maybe they were never that great in the first place.

Learn your lesson from this: money + freinds = trouble.

LegacyUser

Well my name is off the bill, although I will still have to make the final direct debit payment on 21st Feb. I'll take that on the chin.

As regards the guy in question, I think I will just maybe lay low for a while. Maybe the other guys aren't as good friends as I had thought but I know that if me and ***** were to start rowing no one would have the balls to stand up and anything definitive - they would all sit on the fence, which is as good as siding with *** when he is the one clearly in the wrong.

I will probably be prepared to forget about it for the sake of harmony but it will not be easy. I hate being disrespected like that. And then there was all the other things he said about the fact that apparently lots of these friends that I have been talking about actually think I'm a dick. I know he was probably just trying to cement his position by doing this but you start to wonder whether or not it is the truth. The so called friend of mine who I was out with when ***** arrived last night has not texted me or phoned me today which I find quite unusual. I thought he would have at least asked "wtf was that all about last night?" It makes me think that he may be turning a lot of ones against me, although that may be paranoia on my part.

I know keeping the bill in my name was silly but at this stage I don't really care about the money. The ideal outcome at this stage is to return to a harmonious relationship with my friends and to find some way of putting this guy in his place, letting him know that I'm not to be f**ked around with. Trouble is that the guy is so far up his own a**e that you could virtually put a loaded gun to his head and he'd still be mouthing off.

briantwin

Paying someone elses bills...Jesus Christ!!!

There are two ways to approach this.

1) back down and offer your rump as a consolation prize to this very obvious fu*khead

2) Next time you and your mates are out in the pub or whatever. Ask is there any chance you could get the money back off him either the following day or whenever. But make sure that he agrees. Putting him on the spot will give him the chance to say he doesn't have it at the moment. So make sure you set a day to get it off him. So your friends will see that you are not being pushy about it rather you're being accomodating and understanding.

The guy sounds like one of those loud mouth beligerent fu*kers that seem to infiltrate most groups of friends. The main thing is to let people know in a subtle way that this guy is threatening to do all sorts of bizarre **** to get back at you for nothing. so when you're talking to a mutual friend who is unaware of whats going on. Say that you hope you can sort things out with prlck-features because you dont like the atmosphere its creating. they'll surely be curious and once its explained you'll rally up some support from your more sensible friends.

Oh and it might be a good idea to ignore him when you're out with your mutual friends.If he's a loud mouth attention seeker type this will infuriate him to no end.