viagra? performance anxiety

LegacyUser

Ok, I know its easy to reply to performance anxiety issues saying stuff like "Talk to her about it", "practice and be patient", or "Dont think about it, concentrate on other parts of sex"
Ive read alot about sexual performance anxiety and I know exactly why its happening, but none of that helps. Its happening constantly now and getting worse, it just doesnt go hard when its time for penetration,or when putting on the condom I lose my erection as well. I do know its all in my head.
I know its nothing to do with alcohol, cigarettes, etc because its always fully erect when "cuddling",kissing or playing.

So I tried for the first time to talk to a girl about it, while she was cool it was still a horrible experience and every time we tried it got worse(on the night). And even though she was so nice about it I could see it in her afterwards that she was disappointed. The whole thing seriously knocked my confidence but it was a one night stand so I wasnt to meet her again.

Ive started seeing a girl recently who I actually quite like,we have shared a bed 3 times now and I really reckon she is starting to wonder why I havent initiating sex especially when she knows Im erect and in 'full swing'. Were both in our late 20s and I must be coming across as childish at this stage, i.e. playing with her in bed etc but not having sex. I know im pleasing her with my hands but lets be realistic, were not kids. Shes also friends with alot of my friends which never helps with the fear of performance anxiety.

Has anyone here taken viagra as a short term solution. I just figured that if I took it several times it would build the confidence and would stop needing it eventually. My friend did this when meeting a particular girl. He said he took it twice in two different nights and didnt bother after that.
I will admit this is a mental issue not a physical issue but i think even a doctor might understand if I explain the whole thing.
Please dont reply with "Talk to her about it".
If anyone knows of any hypnosis mp3s for sexual performance or anything that would be great also.
Thanks for letting me rant on.

LegacyUser

havingtroubles wrote: »

Ok, I know its easy to reply to performance anxiety issues saying stuff like "Talk to her about it", "practice and be patient", or "Dont think about it, concentrate on other parts of sex"
Ive read alot about sexual performance anxiety and I know exactly why its happening, but none of that helps. ......................So I tried for the first time to talk to a girl about it, while she was cool it was still a horrible experience and every time we tried it got worse(on the night). And even though she was so nice about it I could see it in her afterwards that she was disappointed.

Well, havingtroubles, you seem to be very good at mindreading! And this is your problem. You need to RELAX, stop mindreading, and enjoy yourself without making all sorts of negative judegments about yourself, which you then 'see' in your girlfriend.

PS maybe you should just stick to having sex in a relationship and not in one-nighters.

LegacyUser

thanks man, but it very easy to tell someone relax, its just i know what triggers it and i know why it happens but that doesnt stop me thinking about it when Im about to have sex, and as everyone knows, once you start thinking about it thats when things go wrong.

I sort of am in a relationship and at the moment she is oblivious of any of this so far as Ive said we slept together 3 times. I know you could use the whole arguement of "If you really get along you should be able to talk about it." . This girl is a very nice girl and everything but Im only seeing her and would just prefer solve this by myself with practical methods instead of introducing this side of me to her. My only problem is the fear of being completely reliant on it.

My theory is I take it 3 to 4 times maybe , and after that ill have built up confidence, enjoying sex and my mentality towards all this will be completely different. I am not a virgin, but Im starting to feel like one. this is just something thats gotten out of hand in my head. From reading about it, it seems to happen people of all ages

DvB

havingtroubles wrote: »

thanks man, but it very easy to tell someone relax, its just i know what triggers it and i know why it happens but that doesnt stop me thinking about it when Im about to have sex, and as everyone knows, once you start thinking about it thats when things go wrong.

I sort of am in a relationship and at the moment she is oblivious of any of this so far as Ive said we slept together 3 times. I know you could use the whole arguement of "If you really get along you should be able to talk about it." . This girl is a very nice girl and everything but Im only seeing her and would just prefer solve this by myself with practical methods instead of introducing this side of me to her. My only problem is the fear of being completely reliant on it.

My theory is I take it 3 to 4 times maybe , and after that ill have built up confidence, enjoying sex and my mentality towards all this will be completely different. I am not a virgin, but Im starting to feel like one. this is just something thats gotten out of hand in my head. From reading about it, it seems to happen people of all ages

If you're going to start taking ANY drug thats normally administered via prescription i'd suggest you visit your GP and discuss your problem, although you may feel this is all in your head erectile disfunction can be a symptom of many other medical problems and at the end of the day your health should come first as this could be the first sign of a very treatable medical condition, there are risks involved in taking medication such as Viagra so i'd definitely seek the advice of a professional if i were you before i started popping pills from a non approved source.

Marksie

Viagra and stuff like that is for erectile dysfunction and is under prescription
what you are is in your head and you know it.
Getting it from any other source is a lottery.

If you discount what is essentuilly *practical advice* then have you worked on PC control or do you just want a quick fix?

LegacyUser

could PC control really help what is clearly a mental problem? i'm not arguing your point, i'm genuinely curious.

probably as well as a pill could.
Its all a confidence booster.

I dont suppose its any use me talking about the over reliance of penetration in any event...

LegacyUser

ditto78797 wrote: »

I dont suppose its any use me talking about the over reliance of penetration in any event...

I actually agree with you about the over reliance but at the end of the day the opposite is actually gonna happen if I keep thinking that way,i.e. it could be like an over reliance on the use of my hands etc because at the moment im avoiding penetration. I want to be able to enjoy sex as much as your average person and not let this spiral out of control, because from what I read this can cause anxiety and depression also. It certainly did a small bit for me the next day after that one night stand.
I will be starting the PC muscle thing, that could be a great advantage on the long run and Ive read nothing but good reports about it.
I guess I should get a doctors opinion, and see if he would be willing to share the view that a 'quick fix' might help the confidence. I really dont think its erectile dysfunction because on these same nights with this girl I would be very fully erect just lying with her kissing etc.

The funny thing is she probably things I have great discipline and patience to be lying asleep with her and still not trying to have sex.
Thanks for the replies

Marksie

aargh sorry ditto 78797. I meant to quote your opst not edit it completely
apologies

LegacyUser

Hey OP. I'm more or less in the same boat as you, But talked with my GP about it recently and before sending me for some hormonal tests he said that 90% of the time the problem lies "between your ears" and if everything checked out he'd prescribe me viagra (or some variation thereof) as a short term solution.

Haven't actually been to follow through on that since I got the all clear though. Just thought to let you know your GP will more than likely help out. Wasn't really embarassing to discuss it with him, once the hurdle of discussing everything else possible, moving to leave and then saying "oh, by the way" was passed. I'd obviously, like yourself, rather sort it out myself and not have to go down this route, but feel pretty confident one or two successful experiences will ease the tension somewhat...

Anyway, you seem pretty calm about the whole thing and have thought it through (even if the thinking is probably the underlying problem). Just don't let it get the better of you and, if you're getting along with the girl, things are always better when you have to wait for them and a bit of mystery and suspense never hurt anyway. Plus, if there's really something there she might be around for a while and able to help you sort it all out, with patience and understanding that even the nicest of one night stands can't really be expected to provide.

So... Good luck!

LegacyUser

also, personally wouldn't recommend PC muscle stuff, or would at least suggest there's plenty of negative feedback if you read around a bit further. In any case I don't think it's for the same purpose and seems to be all about ejacultion control, rather than erection maintenance?

erection maintenance... heh...

Marksie

& wrote: »

also, personally wouldn't recommend PC muscle stuff, or would at least suggest there's plenty of negative feedback if you read around a bit further. In any case I don't think it's for the same purpose and seems to be all about ejacultion control, rather than erection maintenance?

erection maintenance... heh...

works for both actually.

Link to negative feedback?

LegacyUser

havingtroubles..... i'm having the exact same problem you are dude and startign a kind of new relationship at moment and i was considering taking viagra and the like sof as temporary solution but i don't want to get dependant on it, have to say performance aniexty is a horribly depressing thing

LegacyUser

dl240 wrote: »

havingtroubles..... i'm having the exact same problem you are dude and startign a kind of new relationship at moment and i was considering taking viagra and the like sof as temporary solution but i don't want to get dependant on it, have to say performance aniexty is a horribly depressing thing

hey, sorry to hear that! its a real pain alright and it is depressing me more and more, I really dont wanna mess it up with the girl im meeting and have been even putting off meeting her now which is an absolute disgrace. Sex is becoming such an issue for me which is ridiculous its only sex. Its defo a case of once you think about the problem in a bad way the problem gets worse. Ive definetely decided to go the viagra route. Im just trying to work up the courage to go to a doctor and say it. Im sure theyll understand and have some sort of "lighter" prescription or something. Im gonna trawl the net for some hypnsosis mp3s or something too.
for people that think we should just talk to the partner about it its not as easy as that when its not a serious partner and when the connection isnt really strong.
I just cant wait for the day that sex for me is just a casual thing that I dont have ANY uncomfortable thoughts about. I know it will happen eventually

LegacyUser

My boyfriend has the same issue op except he has had it for as long as I have known him.

It did/does not affect how I feel about him, I love him to pieces but it is difficult for both of us. I would strongly recommend to be open with your girlfriend about this, as you said she is probably wondering why you haven't initiated things yet, I felt and sometimes still feel
like I am to blame, like maybe I am not attractive enough, that he does not fancy me etc, so by talking to her even though it will be difficult for you at least things are in the open and maybe then you won't feel quiet as much pressure

JuliusCaesar

Assuming you can talk to your girlfriend about this:
1. ask her to co-operate in stimulating you to the point you want to penetrate.
2. Get out the condom.
3. Droop ensues.
4. Start at 1. again
and repeat until the erection stays long enough. You will need to trust each other. Be aware that both premature ejaculation and psychogenic erectile dysfunction (what you have) are very common - ESPECIALLY the first few times people have sex together.

Quote from http://www.end-erectile-dysfunction-now.com/treatment2.html:

Once a man has an erection, he can stop enjoying his partner's touch and allow his erection to subside before he and his partner continue with sex. In this way it becomes clear that getting and keeping an erection is a natural process and no conscious effort is required. Why is this important? Simply because men with performance anxiety are often goal-directed and think they must somehow cause an erection to happen rather than just letting events take their course. Gradually, a man will find he is getting more and more reliable erections, and intercourse becomes easier.

Many men with psychological erectile dysfunction will improve if they simply stop having sexual intercourse for a while and instead focus on enjoying the physical sensations of pleasure rather than sexual arousal. So intercourse would not be permitted, for example, and any erections that did occur would be allowed to subside before sexual / sensory stimulation was resumed. The man would concentrate on the physical sensations he's feeling and keep his awareness on his partner's responses rather than his erection. Once he knows his erection is reliable, he and his partner can once again resume intercourse.

Pyshcological approaches to psychological problesm makes more sense than using drugs. All drugs have side-effects PLUS you can become reliant on them.

stek

Ive had the same problem in previous relationships. I used viagra a couple of times at the start then stopped once I got too know the lady well enough. Id reccommend this approach. It just gave me confidence at the start and was able to build from there.It also took alot of the worry out of going for a relationship. do not worry about becoming dependent if you dont have that type of personality...if you dont want go to doctors you can buy them online, but their expencive!

Marksie

Stek: Viagra is a prescription drug. Its use should only be under the guidance of a GP. This is not a medical forum and so any such usage opf prescription drugs should be undertaken following a visit to the gp.

Online Generic viagra does not have the same QC standards. Any more talk of buying online and this thread is locked

I suggest strongly you read the cahrter if you wish to keep using PI

stek

FYI: Also, You can buy them in Boots in Northern Ireland/UK with out any script...

Marksie

FYI: Stek banned 1 week.

Thread locked