Suspiciousness and trust

LegacyUser

Last year my GF cheated on me, i found out, we broke up for a bit and then got back together.
It was all grand, but lately im getting really suspicious all the time and Im finding it hard to trust her.

It was a ll great till she cheated, it wasnt even the cheating it was the way she lied and denied it so much, i couldnt believe how much of a good lyer she was. i knew she was lying but she kept denying it making me out to be the person in the wrong.

Now i know how capable of lying she is and find it hard to beleive her soemtimes and now i dont know why but ive started getting suspicious etc

Am I going to find it impossible to trust her again liek I once did? Anyone who was ina similar position able to offer any advice?

Sherifu

Anythingelse wrote: »

Am I going to find it impossible to trust her again liek I once did? Anyone who was ina similar position able to offer any advice?

I've never been in that position but I think only you can make that decision to trust her again.

fuzzywiggle

On a seperate note, i personlly wouldnt get back with someone who
1. betrayed my trust
2. went off with some else
3. lied about it until they were blue in the face

Communication is very important in relationships. It's very understandable for you to be feeling like that so tell her exactly how you feel and she may be able to reassure you. Whether you can 100% forgive and forget is up to you and is a very personal thing..it's difficult but i know someone that did it. But if you're constantly suspicious and therefore not happy then you owe it to yourself to get out.

Also why are you suspicious? Is it just because of the past or is she actually giving you reason to be? i.e hiding phone etc etc.

IRISH RAIL

Ive been there from both parts
I satyed around for a while then split it was too much to take
do you honestly want to spend the rest of your life with someone who treated you like that
and now all you will be thinking when shes not around is who is she with
she will only cover her tracks better next time

Anythingelse

Anythingelse wrote: »

Last year my GF cheated on me, i found out, we broke up for a bit and then got back together.
It was all grand, but lately im getting really suspicious all the time and Im finding it hard to trust her.

It was a ll great till she cheated, it wasnt even the cheating it was the way she lied and denied it so much, i couldnt believe how much of a good lyer she was. i knew she was lying but she kept denying it making me out to be the person in the wrong.

Now i know how capable of lying she is and find it hard to beleive her soemtimes and now i dont know why but ive started getting suspicious etc

Am I going to find it impossible to trust her again liek I once did? Anyone who was ina similar position able to offer any advice?

Tbh, my main issue with cheating would be/was lying and covering up.
I don't think I could be with someone who found that acceptable.

It's up to you really to decide either you can't stop or handle being suspicious anymore and call it a day, or to really try and put it behind you and get on with things and let what's done be done.

It's certainly not impossible, but if you do try to choose the latter you really have to think it's worth it, and it wouldn't be easy by a long shot.

dudara

It's amazing what you find put about people isn't it? You learn that people can lie to you without batting an eyelid.

If she didn't show any real remorse or acceptance of what she did, then you might need to rethink being with her.

LegacyUser

well.

i was with a girl once who was with a guy from her college a couple of times earlyish into our relationship (5 or 6 months in).
She told me about it, she was genuinely very sorry, i was upset and pissed off, but i got my head around it and we carried on together. We were both 21 at this time.

a couple of years later, something gave me reason to be suspicious that something had happened between her and a very close friend of mine. she denied this very strongly, to the point of anger at me, but did admit that something had happened between her and someone else, which had given her reason to think a lot about me and our relationship, and she had been thinking about it, and she wanted to stay with me.. but that it was definitely not who i thought it was. i was kind of happy with this outcome.. i appreciated the honestly, and acknowleged that other people can make you think, and i pressed it no further.

ffwd another couple of years, we were in a bad place for a few months, and she had a full on affair thing with another guy while away that led to our breakup. it was nasty, i was very upset, and very unhappy. on the day we had the "final" conversation, i asked her if she would tell me with 100% honesty what had happened that time the couple of years ago, that i never really believed her and that i thought that that time was where we turned, and she said that ok, yes, i had been right at the time, and that the incident or whatever it was had been with my close friend.. but that it hadn't been her fault and that he had instigated whatever had happened...

... months later when this eventually came up in conversation with him... he told a different story of how that panned out...

i have never known who to believe to be honest. it doesn't matter now. because i learned that time that if someone else i'm with is unfaithful, or lies, that's it. i'm done. don't need it. i should have bailed out at the start of that one but i didn't.

it was the lies that bothered me. for over a year and a half she denied that something had happened with a good friend of mine, when it had. the abuse she gave me for even thinking that, made me feel terrible. but now..

so i dunno if it's advice.. only you can tell how you feel about your girl, if you believe her, if you want her.

i think my instincts are generally good and will go with them in future.

LegacyUser

my experience with this is on going.

I met this girl, we started going out it was very early stages not gf/bf but going in that direction, i think 2 weeks on she met 2 different people. I got very upset and as she had covered it up and continued on with me really hurt me.
so we had a talk and i decided to forget about it.

two years later im still as paranoid and suspicious as i initially became. She has done nothing since but im in such a bad position, i love someone i just cant trust. While this was in early stages of the relationship it still has changed my prespective on everything BUT im a generally a neurotic person.

but please note some people do change.