Am I wrong to be suspicious?

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

This might be more appropriate to the work forum but this is the only forum that will allow me to post anonymously.

My head is wrecked from a male colleague of mine who was recently diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or it can be called ME. Of course I had sympathy for him....the thing is I have a growing suspicion that he really isn't telling the truth. By the way, this fella has my boss wound around his little finger and there hasn't been the slightest mention of sick notes or whatever. Our HR department is beyond useless.

The reasons for my suspicions are as follows:

(a) I have another friend who has this and genuinely cannot get out of bed this morning, has missed lots of work to the extent that she is almost in danger of losing her job, really suffers with it, etc.

(b) However my colleague slopes in late and out early as he pleases or announces that he will work from home (with the boss's blessing) due to his condition yet will tell me about the great gig or party he was at the night before or during the weekend (?!!)

(c) He recently enjoyed a three week holiday in India with his brother. I gather they had a great time travelling and doing and seeing new things and he did say that he felt fine the entire time (??)

(d) The same person had a real tendency towards laziness prior to his diagnosis. This particular condition seems to suit his personality down to the ground. Incidentally he was diagnosed about 3 months ago, approximately 4 months after complaining of the symptoms. I've looked it up and you shoudl have the symptoms for at least 6 months before a proper diagnosis can be made as it is so like other conditions.

(e) I happen to know he doesn't really like his job, was heartbroken in the summer when his girlfriend dumped him and has tentative plans for leaving and doing some travelling down the line. I wonder is it really something else like depression? In which case, yes, I would have sympathy but NO it is not the condition he says he has.

I'm sorry to sound like such a vicious, suspicious bastard but I am sick of picking up the pieces around here because of course nobody has been hired to cover for my colleague's absences. It sickens to think that I'm an hour in the office before he is, running around getting things done, and he slopes in late or says he won't bother coming in.

Am I right to be suspicious? Maybe somebody with the same condition can educate me better on what a person really goes through with it? Or am I and my colleagues being taken for a ride?

Wibbs

I would be suspicious too. I knew two people with that and while their strength varied, gigs and partying were not on the agenda. One of them nearly cried with fatigue when he had to walk 20 feet and he had been a very fit man before all that. They also went through batteries of tests to establish it wasn't something else, like you point out. Sounds like a skiver to me frankly.

dudara

I've also seen one sufferer at close hand. It's a weird syndrome, but it does leave a sufferer completely exhausted at times. Even walking for a few minutes can be too much exertion.

Aura

You can be as suspicious as you like but really it's none of your business what he has or what his symptoms are.

In terms of work his absence or tardiness is something between him, his doctor and your boss or HR.

If you are concerned about an unmanageable workload due, albeit to his absenteeism, discuss finding a solution to this problem with your boss.

Marksie

Suspicions or not, if he has been diagnosed with ME he has been diagnosed with it.

This is from the ME trust on initial diagnosis:

http://www.imet.ie/imet_website/what_is_me/diagnosis.html

Do you understand the terminology? If you dont then you cant make the diagnosis

It is also a very complex condition

It is not your responsibility to determine whether he is skiving or not. Neither should you second guess what your boss is doing.

That is his managment decision, not yours.

You are only recounting what you observe and may not know the full story.

I would avoid at all costs saying anything remotely similar to what you have told us in the workplace .

As a manager myself, If someone reported to me that you had said something like his, then i would be calling you in to talk about it. End of story. This is regadless of what the guy tells you about gigs etc.

Practically, what can you do about it? Well you can approach your manager and explain how the workload has increased, the amount of hours you are doing and how hard you are working. Record it if necessary.
You can discuss if there are ways that this can be resolved.
But Never, ever say to him that you think this guy is skiving. After all he is the manager and if he is happy to make the decision about your colleague, that has to be sufficient for you.

Mazeire

Thats a weird one. I had a friend who suffered from it and she had terrible pain in her arms and legs and was so tired she couldn't sleep (if that makes sense). The TV even hurt her eyes!
Doctors are usually pretty slow and unwilling to diagnose it as it doesn't show up on a blood test or anything, and if they has i would have assumed they would have given him some sort of cert.

Still though what skin is it off your nose even if he is on the doss?

LegacyUser

The last few posters are right. I am very wrong (and mean) to suspect when after all I'm not a medical person or anything like it. I was just airing my frustration really. I would never dream of saying this in public or to anybody in work, I'm not that bad in fairness. I suppose I just had a really bad day of it today and needed to get it off my chest. It's up to me to approach my boss and see if we can work something out about the workload. The boss in fairness isn't so bad and she has helped me out in the past so why shouldn't she help out this guy?
My bad. Sorry.

Overheal

Your not his judge jury or executioner sadly. But.. try asking your Boss if he has seen any sort of certification to prove your co-worker has actually been diagnosed with anything. I mean, I could go into college tomorrow and say yeah I've been diagnosed with Gulf War Syndrome and get people to beleive me (I could, dont laugh...) but sooner or later I'd be shocked if they didnt ask for proof.

Your not wrong to feel frustrated and overworked. Were it me I'd at least ask if the evidence of his diagnosis was irrefutable. He might be going through problems but its having knock-on stress on you: so I think you're partially entitiled to say a small something.

spinandscribble

isnt there different levels of ME. i worked with a girl in the summer who had it. she was young enough same as myself and always made it in on time but might have a hour break each day. this guy might or mightnt have it, it sounds doubtful but you'll still be looked at as the bad guy regardless if you mention any of this.
if you are having to deal with more work because of him now not just you dont like being in a hour before him, then mention it to your boss that you're taking on a bigger workload because of him.

fuzzywiggle

Have you told you boss how you feel about the situation? That sometimes you're doing your own job and someone else's?

It's up to your boss to make the right decisions....it's not your colleagues fault he is getting away with his behaviour whether true or not. Don't take it out on him...you should direct your problem to your boss.

Lollipops23

i have a mate with ME and has been off work with it for a few months now. I know it varies in degrees, but when she's having a "bad" day she literally can't put her feet to the floor,and all she can do is lie in bed like a vegetable. It's a truely horrible condition and unfortunately the name is thrown around far to freely.

It seems odd that your colleague's condition only affects him when he's due into work, and not at the weekend/on holidays. Saying this, we don't know the entire story and it's entirely possible that he does suffer on his own time. It does sound a bit off to me, mainly cos I've never heard of people being able to recover enough for work within a few hours!

I wouldn't advise asking the boss about Sicky's doctor cert though-it wouldn't be your place to enquire. But I would express my unhappiness with the fact that nobody has been hired to help with the workload he hasn't been able to do.You're well within your rights there!!

LegacyUser

Your not his judge jury or executioner sadly. But.. try asking your Boss if he has seen any sort of certification to prove your co-worker has actually been diagnosed with anything. I mean, I could go into college tomorrow and say yeah I've been diagnosed with Gulf War Syndrome and get people to beleive me (I could, dont laugh...) but sooner or later I'd be shocked if they didnt ask for proof.

Your not wrong to feel frustrated and overworked. Were it me I'd at least ask if the evidence of his diagnosis was irrefutable. He might be going through problems but its having knock-on stress on you: so I think you're partially entitiled to say a small something.

You are kidding right ?

OP if you go to your boss asking any of those questions you will be told where to stick those questions and may find yourself on the receiving end of a disciplinary process.

if one of my staff came into my office questioning the private medical status of another employee they would be shown the door.

JuliusCaesar

Aura wrote: »

You can be as suspicious as you like but really it's none of your business what he has or what his symptoms are.

In terms of work his absence or tardiness is something between him, his doctor and your boss or HR.

If you are concerned about an unmanageable workload due, albeit to his absenteeism, discuss finding a solution to this problem with your boss.

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