How do we become more than friends??

mayo4sam

I've been really good friends with a lad for a good while now. Ive known him ages, but only got close to him lately. but i'd luv ta be more than 'just friends' but i have no idea how he feels about me! and ive no idea what to do- i cant make a move or anything, coz what if he's not interested!?? then i'll have lost a really good mate and that'd kill me!
im really confused... should i just 4get it and carry on as it is??

Wibbs

You've got a little bit of an advantage being a woman in this position(I presume you're a woman anyway:)). Being in the friendzone with a guy has more chance of being translated into something else.

Is he single? Has he shown any interest? Would you be his "type", though that one's up for grabs really. A bit of extra info would help, if you're up for that.

Balmed Out

I always think that if ye are such good friends then even if the other persons not interested then ye can still keep the friendship. Flirt with him over a period of time, laugh at his jokes (were idiots) and introduce subtle touches especially when ye are drunk. If he responds but doesnt actually make a move then do it yourself hed have the same 'dont want to lose a friend' thoughts as you.

mayo4sam

Yes, ur rite, i am a woman, haha!!:D yeah, i would say that we're really good mates, which makes it even trickier, i reckon!?:( im just afraid it'll make things akward like, if he's not interested!! i see him a lot you see, so there'd be no avoidin it if i made a right ass of meself!! :eek: AAAAGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!

misslt

I say some night when you're 'under the influence' you stick the head on him...see how he reacts, if he likes it all well and good, if he doesn't, you can always blame the alcohol!

No, really, depending on how bad you want it, talk to him about it - even broach the subject jokingly to test the waters - you only live once!

Treora

If you risk nothing then life is no fun, but then context is important so did you meet in school/college/work/as neighbours/a club/through friends?

A nice way to slide into the topic over a drink is to gossip about a mutual friend's sex/love life and as long as the giggles keep coming the conversation should flow in a natural direction. Say the word sex in front of a guy often enough while he is drinking and he will probably jump you, but then that might not be your goal.

If the guy has confidence then you will have your answer. If like so many Irish guys he is a little timid - and you can read him with some certainty - then a pat him on the ass and coy smile is all that's needed. Don't think too much about what other people say, focus on what makes you happy.

There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about." - Oscar Wilde

Steyr

Just go for it hun, ul never know unless you do, but go for it in a relaxed social scene like on a night out, how does he react when around you?

Drift

Treora wrote: »

then a pat him on the ass and coy smile is all that's needed.

Word of warning - when i was younger (21,22) I knew this really hot girl who i used to go out in a group with every so often and quite a few times she fondled my ass and i used to take a good feel of hers too and you know when i realised she was coming onto me; when i was 25! Now this is an extreme example of male obliviousness but what i'm trying to point out is what you think are obvious hints may not be to him. If you really want to be sure forget the hinting and either ask him or like others have said go for it.

AnonoBoy

Drift wrote: »

Word of warning - when i was younger (21,22) I knew this really hot girl who i used to go out in a group with every so often and quite a few times she fondled my ass and i used to take a good feel of hers too and you know when i realised she was coming onto me; when i was 25! Now this is an extreme example of male obliviousness but what i'm trying to point out is what you think are obvious hints may not be to him. If you really want to be sure forget the hinting and either ask him or like others have said go for it.

:eek: A hot girl is fondling your ass and letting your fondle hers and you didn't read the 'subtle signs'???? Wow. Even for Irish men that's a bit slow on the up-take

OP - I think guys are a bit better at turning down a proposition from a friend and remaining friends than girls are. Or at least they're easier able to forget it. Over the years I've had one or two girls I've been friends with suggest something more (either in words or through little come-ons) and I've managed to say 'no' without making a big thing of it and we remained friends.

Be careful how you do it though. If you 'stick the head on him' when you're drunk then although he might want more he might think you're just doing it cause of drink and will regret it and say 'no'. Of course he mightn't. Check the water first with a few subtle (or not so subtle) comments.

Good luck. And remember - embarrassment is always shortlived in these situations. Just don't declare your undying love for him.

Oh - and make sure he doesn't have a major crush on someone else going on because that will obviously shade his response.

Drift

AnonoBoy wrote: »

:eek: A hot girl is fondling your ass and letting your fondle hers and you didn't read the 'subtle signs'???? Wow. Even for Irish men that's a bit slow on the up-take.

Yes, yes I know. You cannot believe the kicking I gave my self when it popped into my head while reminiscing a year or two down the line. Needless to say she has a long term bf now!! :rolleyes:

But my point is, although this is an extreme case of a man not reading the signals, it happens quite frequently with less obvious signals. The signaller in their own mind thinks they are really obvious while the signalee (?) is completely unaware and thinking one of two things in his own mind: (a) I wish she'd stop being so confusing and give me some signal or (b) I wonder why Gillette wants Klinsman and his namby pampy tree hugging crap at Liverpool!

FACT: "Signals" work sometimes and don't work other times. THE best way to find something out is to ask!

echosound

you may as well lay it out and see how he feels - you don't need to make it a big dramatic serious conversation, that would probably make him- and you - very uncomfortable. Just try to see if he might feel the same way about you - if he's a close friend you'll probably be talking about your love life (or lack of) and lay the hints on heavy for him, spelling it out if necessary in case he doesn't get that you're talking specifically about him and not about men in general.

Better to go for it than to not, and to be wondering "what if" years down the line when you've missed your chance.

I was in a similar situation years ago - mad about my best male friend, known him for years and got closer over time, we were sharing a house too with another friend, so I was also in the position of if he didn't feel the same it'd be hard to avoid him! Decided what the heck, best to go for it rather than regret not going for it years later. Guess what? He felt the same way too, but like me, was worried about doing anything about it as he was also afraid if I didn't like him he'd ruin our friendship. Both of us feeling the same way but nervous in case the other one wasn't IYKWIM. We're coming up on 3 years married now.

Best of luck, and certainly - do tell him, if he likes you - excellent! if not, hopefully you can laugh about it and get back to being friends. If you're good friends, he won't want to lose you.