Trust issue???

LegacyUser

Ill try to keep it short.

Been with my bf nearly 2 yrs. We have a baby boy. And all of a sudden I'm having panics thinking he's going to cheat on me. He's given me no reason to think this and he's a very loving boyfriend and a brilliant dad.

I think its because since our son was born the stakes have been raised if you know what I mean. I love him very much and would be hearbroken if he ever cheated, but since the baby arrived I can't help thinking that it's his life that would be turned upside down if his dad cheated and we broke up........cause thats the only reason I could ever imagine breaking up with him, i'd forgive nearly anything else and try to work through it.

Normally when people tell me they dont trust their partner I'd say there's no future in the relationship, so what the hell do I do??

It's only since the baby arrived, and at first I thought it must be hormones but they should have settled by now and everything else is back to normal.

It's just when he asks about going on lads night out that I start getting all panicy.

I've talked to him casually before, not told him how worked up I get, but just metioned it a few times, like when a cheating storyline is on telly....he's always agreed with me that it's the most horrible thing you can do to someone and has sworn he'd never do it to me.

Whats wrong with me? I've no reason not to trust him so why do I get so worked up.

JuliusCaesar

doomed? wrote: »

I think its because since our son was born the stakes have been raised if you know what I mean.

That's it.
1) How old is the baby? Are you breastfeeding? (re hormones )
2)Would you prefer to be married? Would that make you feel safer? What's your experience of fathers?

I think you'll find a lot of new mothers go through the feeling of being so responsible for something so small and helpless, and their imaginations run riot as to what might happen.

K_P

Could it be post-natal depression? It can affect people in all sorts of strange ways. Doesn't necessarily have to be our traditional idea of depression - it can cause anxiety, panic attacks, etc. You've said he's given you no reason to suspect him of cheating and you've emphasised this has only started since you had your baby. It's worth checking out.

LegacyUser

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

That's it.
1) How old is the baby? Are you breastfeeding? (re hormones )
2)Would you prefer to be married? Would that make you feel safer? What's your experience of fathers?

I think you'll find a lot of new mothers go through the feeling of being so responsible for something so small and helpless, and their imaginations run riot as to what might happen.

My baby is nearly 6 mths old, I stopped breastfeeding at 3mths. I would prefer to be married yes, but my partner doesn't believe in marraige and I think i've come to terms with that. My dad is brilliant and has always been there for me, him and my mam are rock solid.
My partners dad on the other hand is another story, he hasn't seen him in many years and has sent many unanswered letters. His stepdad is a lovely man though.

bronte

Op, have you any reason to believe he is straying or is likely to?

Carrigart Exile

OP don't let irrational jealousy resulting in stopping him seeing his friends make your fears become a self fulfilling prophecy. Have you been out with the girls since your baby was born?

s has been hinted by other posters you could have a touch of the baby blues which can minifest itself in so many ways and can come along unexpectedly.

WhiteWashMan

perhaps you have spent too much time with the baby, and not enough time with your boyfriend?
If you can get a babysitter, perhaps a night out, dress up, look good, feel good, go for a nice dinner. remember why you two fell in love.
I think you may well feel as if you havent had him in your life as much since the arrival of the little tyke. Al sounds perfectly natural to me. make more time for you both. He may well feel the same.

Beruthiel

Wwm is correct. A new baby tends to take up all your time and energy.
If you do not take some time for your man as well, he can feel a bit left out.
Make some effort for the two of ye, remind him why he first fell for you

LegacyUser

We get loads of nights out together, and loads of time to ourselves, my parents are very good with babysitters, so we get out every week, and most weeks twice.

We have the same group of friends so we go out together 99% of the times, sometimes there is girly nights out, and he has the odd work things he goes to.

I have absolutely no reason no to trust him, and I would never even hint to him that I feel like this. I would never try to stop him going out with his friends becuase I know I'm being irrational.

I just want this feeling to go away, it's stupid and pointless and makes me feel like ****. I run thses stupid illogical scenarios through my head and it makes me feel like puking or crying.

Carrigart Exile

Doomed? wrote: »

We get loads of nights out together, and loads of time to ourselves, my parents are very good with babysitters, so we get out every week, and most weeks twice.

We have the same group of friends so we go out together 99% of the times, sometimes there is girly nights out, and he has the odd work things he goes to.

I have absolutely no reason no to trust him, and I would never even hint to him that I feel like this. I would never try to stop him going out with his friends becuase I know I'm being irrational.

I just want this feeling to go away, it's stupid and pointless and makes me feel like ****. I run thses stupid illogical scenarios through my head and it makes me feel like puking or crying.

do you feel less attractive now you have had a child? Just remember you are the yummy mummy of his child and he adores you

bronte

It's a huge change for you both to go through, so take it easy on yourself.
Men can feel a bit left out of it all, so make sure he's included in everything.
He seems a good sort op, and you seem very reasonable!
Don't tear yourself up(easier said than done) because you don't want to drive him away.
He'd probably be very hurt if he knew the extent of your worries!