I just donno what to do with myself

LegacyUser

I am 22, with my partner nearly four years, Living together for 2, been through our fair share of crap but got through it and ATM things are the best they have been in a long time.

I have cheated on him- a lot- id say the last 3 years of our relationship i wasnt faithful- Unfortunatly Im the kinda person I feel guilty and tell my partner-He has forgiven me a million times and I honestly dont know why. I love him so much but I dont understand why hes with me. He could have anyone hes so kind and giving.

Like I said ATM things are great-I feel in love all over again we are all over each other again like we used to be- But im just scared that ill get bored again- whichs what happened the last few times.

I admit sometimes i question our relationship and wonder do i really love him as much as i think. My family ADORE him and tell me ill never find anyone as perfect as him(which doesnt help if we ever split id never hear the end of it). I want marraige and babies and he wants to marry me he proposed already, I just sometimes look at my engagement ring and wonder "Is this my life?" I am dying to be a mother but not for a few years I want to enjoy my life and enjoy being young when i can.

I had my first BF at 10 and from the ages of 10- present i have only been single once and that was for a few months- and during those single months I slipped into depression, but the SECOND i gota new BF i was fine again(Odd i know) I drift from one bf to the next i never leave any space in between.

I was broken from my partner a week when I met my current partner- and i know that if me and my fella split id have a new BF within a week I know what im like.

I know this doesnt make any sense I dont really know what Im asking here, Im just dont know when i look at my life I see someone dependant on relationships and thats not good!

The Hill Billy

OP - There's a helluva lot of ground to cover in that post. Rather than get into a long & protracted debate about acceptable behaviour in a relationship - I'll stick to one point which may be able to help you resolve (or at least get to grips with) some of your issues: The Question of Marriage.

If you are in anyway contemplating marrying this guy you need to ensure that you get professional counselling beforehand. From what you say it would appear that you have deeper relationship issues that need to be addressed. Do this sooner rather than later for both of your sakes.



There are posts stickied in this forum that contain contact details of various relationship/marriage counselling services. I suggest that you check them out.

Best of luck.

GretchenWieners

I agree, get some professional help. Be grateful that your parter is so nice to give you chance after chance. It's time to realize you need to cop on and stop messing him around which really isn't fair. There's a good chance deep down he's feeling extremely worried and wouldn't know what to do with himself if you were gone too-something he really doesn't deserve.

Miss Fluff

1. You need to break up with your fiancee and spend some time ON YOUR OWN to find out what exactly it is you want from life and from a relationship.

2. You have serious self-esteem issues for which you need professional help. I'd make an appointment with a counsellor if I were you.

Balmed Out

Youve been unfair to him for far too long and i cant see why hes with you at all. Break up with him now. Explain that you love him but you feel youre too young to get married etc and that you hope that ye can mantain some sort of a friendship for a few years. Then if ye want to give it another shot why not but at the moment youre not ready and he deserves better.

The Hill Billy

Balmed Out wrote: »

Youve been unfair to him for far too long and i cant see why hes with you at all. Break up with him now. Explain that you love him but you feel youre too young to get married etc and that you hope that ye can mantain some sort of a friendship for a few years. Then if ye want to give it another shot why not but at the moment youre not ready and he deserves better.

BO - I think that it wouldn't be a great idea for the OP to break up with the chap she says she loves. She readily admits that she'd jump into another relationship in a week. Sometimes it is better the divil you know.

As for advising her to say "you love him but you feel youre too young to get married etc" - well it's just not true is it? Surely her boyfriend - who has chosen to stick with her even after numerous infidelities - deserves more than that?

I maintain that counselling would be the best option. For the OP initially, & then sessions for both of them further down the road if they decide that marriage is still what they both want.

Wibbs

shezfriesh wrote: »

I have cheated on him- a lot- id say the last 3 years of our relationship i wasnt faithful- Unfortunatly Im the kinda person I feel guilty and tell my partner-He has forgiven me a million times and I honestly dont know why. I love him so much but I dont understand why hes with me. He could have anyone hes so kind and giving.

Couple of things goin on here.

First is that old chestnut, your self esteem, which is increased by the attention of men that are not your boyfriend.

Then we come to your age. You're young and in a relationship where both the length and seriousness of the relationship are putting pressure you clearly don't enjoy and are resisting.

Then there is your boyfriend. You say he's a kind and giving bloke which clearly he is, but I would also suggest that every time he takes you back, you are relieved that you still have your safety net, but you respect him a little less. That respect cooling off is what is driving your lack of attraction for him in those times when your eye wanders. That builds up again and you cheat again. This will continue.

But im just scared that ill get bored again- whichs what happened the last few times.

It's not just boredom, it's that you know you'll get away with it, which gives you the freedom to cheat and in a weird way the reason to cheat too.

I admit sometimes i question our relationship and wonder do i really love him as much as i think.

I would say you don't.

My family ADORE him and tell me ill never find anyone as perfect as him(which doesnt help if we ever split id never hear the end of it).

Which while he may be lovely is nonsense. There are other guys out there(which you know all too well). There are women for him too. Women that won't cheat on him. Your family is a very very small part of this. They don't have to spend their life with him, you do.

I want marraige and babies and he wants to marry me he proposed already, I just sometimes look at my engagement ring and wonder "Is this my life?" I am dying to be a mother but not for a few years I want to enjoy my life and enjoy being young when i can.

I honestly think you need to let this man go. He deserves better and if you need to cheat constantly to bolster your own self esteem, so do you. This will not change. It can only get worse. Yo marry this guy in the next few years and you will resent him for the loss of your youth and freedom.

I had my first BF at 10 and from the ages of 10- present i have only been single once and that was for a few months- and during those single months I slipped into depression, but the SECOND i gota new BF i was fine again(Odd i know) I drift from one bf to the next i never leave any space in between.

Very very bad plan. You've essentially been in a rebound since you became active in the dating game. You need time out of a relationship. Only with that time, will you come to understand what you actually want from life. Put it this way, I wouldn't go near a woman who has gone from one to the next. It would be a vague rule I have. Going from one to the other is a sign of emotional neediness and a sign that someone can only justify themselves in the context of a relationship. Not good and I would be sure that they'll jump from me to the next. Repeat history over and over, until they end up with some guy and it sticks long enough for marriage. Not a marriage I'd want to be in.

I was broken from my partner a week when I met my current partner- and i know that if me and my fella split id have a new BF within a week I know what im like.

If you know what you're like, then why can't you stop this behaviour and the cheating? You do this because you like it in some way, or it reinforces what you feel about yourself.

Let this guy go. Get off that treadmill you've built for yourself.

AnonoBoy

Couple of points I'd like to make:

1. Never been on your own? That's very dangerous. Very very dangerous. Everyone needs to spend some time on their own to discover who they really are. If you're constantly in a relationship, jumping from one to another then it says something serious about you. Can you be alone? Why are you scared to be by yourself for a short period of time?

2. Your family adore him. That's great. But your family aren't planning to marry him, you are. I've seen girls who let their family heavily influence who they date and it's never a good idea. It's great if your family like your partner but it's what you want and feel that really matters.

3. You've cheated on him a lot and you think you probably will again but you plan to marry him. I'm guessing he's about the same age as you. At that age I was stupid enough to take back a girl who cheated repeatedly, thinking that she was the one for me and that it would all be alright. She wasn't and it wasn't. You're both very very young to be making this kind of commitment and I would suggest that if you go ahead with the marriage you will both regret it in years to come.

4. You need to be honest with this guy. You will hurt him but it's better that he gets hurt now as opposed to in 5 years time when you have a house, a mortgage and possibly kids. Don't go into this blindly thinking that everything will work itself out because frankly it won't.

LegacyUser

AnonoBoy wrote: »

I'm guessing he's about the same age as you.

no he is 26

AnonoBoy wrote: »

You need to be honest with this guy.

i was i told him everything about the cheatn, and he still forgave me, I was his first Gf part of me thinks it might be dependence thats making him forgive me

AnonoBoy

shezfriesh wrote: »

i was i told him everything about the cheatn, and he still forgave me, I was his first Gf part of me thinks it might be dependence thats making him forgive me

No - I meant you need to be honest with him about how you are feeling. And be honest with yourself.

It probably is dependence that is making him forgive you. He probably, mistakenly, thinks that he won't find anyone else like you. He's wrong though - he will find someone who doesn't cheat on him and wants to be with him for him and not because they're afraid of being alone.

You really need some time apart from him to work out what you want.

Wibbs

shezfriesh wrote: »

no he is 26



i was i told him everything about the cheatn, and he still forgave me, I was his first Gf part of me thinks it might be dependence thats making him forgive me

Yep it's his relative emotional immaturity, dependence and lack of self respect that convinces him to take you back. No offence to you but if he doesn't respect himself enough to tell you to sod off, then the fact is subconsciously or not you will have no respect for him. That's one of the biggest reasons why you cheat. A, you know you'll get away with it, and B, the fact that he lets you get away with it, makes him less attractive in your eyes. You love him in the ice bits, but when it gets "boring" or something comes up in the relationship, you see an easy way out and you know you have your safety net. I would suspect the safety net is a big one for you. That's one reason why you jump from one guy to the next.

In one way you have the best of both worlds with this guy. You're sure of the safety net and can do what you like outside it. Sounds good, but as you're discovering, it's not making you happy and content.

You being his first girlfriend at 26 will give you the upper hand on so many levels. This will be a learning experience for him. It'll knock some sense and self respect into him. Better late than never. I would say this goes double for men more than women. IMHO women are more adaptable emotionally and at a younger age. They usually have more practice at it too. It would be unusual enough for a woman of 26 to be having her first relationship. Not so unusual for a man, by comparison.

I would even go so far as to advise any woman mate of mine not to put too much future into a guy where she's his first. He's got some learning to do and growing to do emotionally. Until he does he wont make much of a partner in the long term. He'll either act like your BF and lower his self respect for the sake of "keeping" the woman and she'll leave him sooner rather than later, or with some guys I've seen the power shifts unhealthily to him after the first rush of love wears off and ironically it's the woman that can become trapped. Neither situation good.

Miss Fluff

Wibbs wrote: »

Yep it's his relative emotional immaturity, dependence and lack of self respect that convinces him to take you back. No offence to you but if he doesn't respect himself enough to tell you to sod off, then the fact is subconsciously or not you will have no respect for him. That's one of the biggest reasons why you cheat. A, you know you'll get away with it, and B, the fact that he lets you get away with it, makes him less attractive in your eyes. You love him in the ice bits, but when it gets "boring" or something comes up in the relationship, you see an easy way out and you know you have your safety net. I would suspect the safety net is a big one for you. That's one reason why you jump from one guy to the next.

Couldn't have put it better myself Wibbs, and yes, hate to use the old buzz word of self-esteem again but it's something you really seriously need to address if you wish to sustain a loving ADULT relationship. Your lack of it is palpable. I'm really not sure from your posts if you guys are good for each other. At all.

Out of curiousity, what type of relationship do you have with your family?

AngryBadger

OP you sound like a fairly nasty piece of work to be considering marrying someone you've cheated on 3 times already and suspect you will probably cheat on again.

To me you seem to be presenting yourself as the victim here with all this crap about being dependent on relationships.

I think it's far more likely that it suits you to have a guy like this around. You can treat him like crap whenever you want, you can head off and sleep with other guys, and you know he'll take you back.

You clearly have no concept of respect for other people, and while I believe respect is something that's earned (and this guy is also quite obviously a gullible fool), I don't believe in treating people like **** just because you don't respect them.

I also find it amazing that you're marrying this guy? Exactly how self-involved are you?

Other than saying you should break up with this guy, (for his sake more than yours), I don't have any advice to offer since to me it's quite plain that you will continue to treat this guy and other people like this, possibly until the tables are turned and you realise how horrible what you do is.

Overheal

The thing that really stands out to me here is your dating history. Basically; you never had the benefit growing up, of being your own person. How old are you now?

I'll reflect what other posters have said: its shows real emotional dependency. Until you can learn to live on your own; with only yourself to deal with your emotions and needs; then in my opinion - you have not grown up. You're not a woman. I wouldn't be a man today if I didn't go through my own tribulations by myself. How can you ever wonder if you're really the person you want to be when you are constantly bound to the parameters of a partner?

I've seen it happen; I even got involved with an emotionally dependant girl like this. I can't say I like what I saw: she still can't sleep alone. She constantly needs reassurance. Constantly needs emotional support to some degree or another.

OP in my deepest heartfelt opinion - before you decide you want to take it further with this man (or anyone) you need to spend a long period of time alone and single. Its a right of passage I think everyone needs to take. If you want to have children you owe it to them to be as emotional stable as possible - what happens if you and your future hubby were to divorce? How would you handle being a single mother? Learning how to live Single is a very important aspect of life.

aye

AngryBadger wrote: »

OP you sound like a fairly nasty piece of work to be considering marrying someone you've cheated on 3 times already and suspect you will probably cheat on again.

To me you seem to be presenting yourself as the victim here with all this crap about being dependent on relationships.

I think it's far more likely that it suits you to have a guy like this around. You can treat him like crap whenever you want, you can head off and sleep with other guys, and you know he'll take you back.

You clearly have no concept of respect for other people, and while I believe respect is something that's earned (and this guy is also quite obviously a gullible fool), I don't believe in treating people like **** just because you don't respect them.

I also find it amazing that you're marrying this guy? Exactly how self-involved are you?

Other than saying you should break up with this guy, (for his sake more than yours), I don't have any advice to offer since to me it's quite plain that you will continue to treat this guy and other people like this, possibly until the tables are turned and you realise how horrible what you do is.

Bang on!

Overheal

aye wrote: »

Bang on!

I must agree: time to grow up.

Mazeire

I would say that you do have some issues going on, but you need to stop using that to justify treating your boyfried like crap which ultimately at the end of the day is what you are doing. Take some ownership of your life and your actions and sort yourself out, stop relying on other people to do it for you.

Dragan

At the risk of being an assumptive git it sounds to me like you feel you need to be in a relationship to validate yourself, and your fella sounds like he has self esteem issues and needs YOU to validate HIM.

Decide what you really want and do it. Your both headed towards flames.

LegacyUser

You say that you love him, do him the biggest favour that you could possibly do him and break up. Not trying to be harsh here but he deserves better than a wife that could and probably will end up cheating on him on a whim.

Marksie

OP: do you believe you are meant to be monogamous?

thund

AngryBadger wrote: »

OP you sound like a fairly nasty piece of work to be considering marrying someone you've cheated on 3 times already and suspect you will probably cheat on again.

To me you seem to be presenting yourself as the victim here with all this crap about being dependent on relationships.

I think it's far more likely that it suits you to have a guy like this around. You can treat him like crap whenever you want, you can head off and sleep with other guys, and you know he'll take you back.

You clearly have no concept of respect for other people, and while I believe respect is something that's earned (and this guy is also quite obviously a gullible fool), I don't believe in treating people like **** just because you don't respect them.

I also find it amazing that you're marrying this guy? Exactly how self-involved are you?

Other than saying you should break up with this guy, (for his sake more than yours), I don't have any advice to offer since to me it's quite plain that you will continue to treat this guy and other people like this, possibly until the tables are turned and you realise how horrible what you do is.

i think thats a bit harsh.what this girl lacks is personal freedom.since the age of ten she's had relationships,possabilly being told what to do ,never given credit for anything even from your parents,from the way you talk about them saying you will never meet another boy like him again ,putting him ahead of you making you feel second best which imo is what you felt like growing up. therefore what you are trying for is to make yourself feel wanted by going with these other blocks but have the security of a boyfriend that makes you feel loved .i do believe you love your boyfriend but what you are doing will eventully eat u up inside and u will lose all respect for yourself and everyone around you.my advice finish with your boyfriend for the time being ,travel,forget about trying to please your parents or anyone else this is your life only you can live it and if in 3 months you find what you really want then do it.easier said than done i know but if you dont you will only destroy yourself . good luck with whatever you do.

AngryBadger

thund wrote: »

i think thats a bit harsh.what this girl lacks is personal freedom.since the age of ten she's had relationships,possabilly being told what to do ,never given credit for anything even from your parents,from the way you talk about them saying you will never meet another boy like him again ,putting him ahead of you making you feel second best which imo is what you felt like growing up. therefore what you are trying for is to make yourself feel wanted by going with these other blocks but have the security of a boyfriend that makes you feel loved .

You don't know that any of the above has happened to this girl. But fair enough you're entitled to your opinion.

However, I'm not really responding to her tragic personal esteem issues. I'm responding to her attitude towards other people. She admits that she's cheated on this guy several times, and will probably do so again, and yet she is planning to marry him? As far as I'm concerned nothing excuses that kind of attitude. (also i have mentioned that I'd say her bf is a gullible fool as I have no understandinghow anyone be they male/female could stand for the kind of treatment she gives him)

What you're saying makes it sound like this girl is a victim. I might have entertained that kind of garbage when she was still in erh teens, but she's 22 now which maks her an adult. An adult who has consciously decided to continue a relationship that involves her treating her aprtner with absolutely no respect.

I grant you she may have esteem issues herself, but so do plenty of other peoepl and they don't all use that as an excuse to disabuse the people around them.

If the OP wants to change ten I agree with you that she should break up with her fiancee and take some time to find herself. I also feel that in so doing she would save her fiancee from wasting years of his life on her.

Also, out of pure curiousity, how can you believe someone loves a person whe they cheat on them repeatedly? I'm not asking this to be argumentative or dogmatic, but to satisfy a genuine curiousity. Any answers (from anyone) would be much appreciated.

Marksie

AngryBadger wrote: »

Also, out of pure curiousity, how can you believe someone loves a person whe they cheat on them repeatedly? I'm not asking this to be argumentative or dogmatic, but to satisfy a genuine curiousity. Any answers (from anyone) would be much appreciated.

They may be polyamoury, loving more than one and non monogamous

or it may be sexual addiction:
http://www.medicinenet.com/sexual_addiction/article.htm

AngryBadger

Marksie wrote: »

They may be polyamoury, loving more than one and non monogamous

or it may be sexual addiction:
http://www.medicinenet.com/sexual_addiction/article.htm

Neither of which excuses her treatment of her partner unless he's in te same position, (not stated), or has agreed to this (not stated) or she's in form form of therapy (also not stated).

I may be pushing a little hard on this one, but the OP comes off as someone who wants an excuse that validates her treatment of her partner, not as someon who genuinely feels remorse and wants to address the situation. Hence my aggitation.

Marksie

AngryBadger wrote: »

Neither of which excuses her treatment of her partner unless he's in te same position, (not stated), or has agreed to this (not stated) or she's in form form of therapy (also not stated).

I was under the impression it was asked "out of curiosity" and was not asked to be "argumentative or dogmatic ".
So you got two, slightly off topic answers. Which may or may not be relevant in this case.
Neither was it posted to give excuses for the OP, but a response to what i believed was a general question.
Remember about additions to drugs and drink, they are compulsive behaviour same with sex addiction.

AngryBadger wrote: »

I may be pushing a little hard on this one, but the OP comes off as someone who wants an excuse that validates her treatment of her partner, not as someon who genuinely feels remorse and wants to address the situation. Hence my aggitation.

Yes angrybadger, take a step back a little ok? i was answering yur questions not validating the OP

thund

AngryBadger wrote: »

Neither of which excuses her treatment of her partner unless he's in te same position, (not stated), or has agreed to this (not stated) or she's in form form of therapy (also not stated).

I may be pushing a little hard on this one, but the OP comes off as someone who wants an excuse that validates her treatment of her partner, not as someon who genuinely feels remorse and wants to address the situation. Hence my aggitation.

of course you could be right she could be looking for an excuse but if my guesses are right and she has low selfesteem then at 22 i would think she is still a bit young to change her ways but would agree that she cant string this chap along anymore until it destroys him which in time it will

AngryBadger

Marksie wrote: »

Ies angrybadger, take a step back a little ok? i was answering yur questions not validating the OP

Curses! Fair enough Marksie, and apologies if I was a little hasty in going for the jugular OP

thund

AngryBadger wrote: »

Curses! Fair enough Marksie, and apologies if I was a little hasty in going for the jugular OP

dont think you were hasty badger you gave your opinon .the truth hurts but sometimes its needed

Marksie

AngryBadger wrote: »

Curses! Fair enough Marksie

no worries

denhaagenite

I agree with angry badger, nobody held a gun to her head and said "you must be in some sort of relationship for the rest of your life". Apart from anything else when she's putting herself around does she use protection.

God we've all had break ups where we thought that the quickest way to get over one is to be under another but most of us know its a short term fix. She doesn't have any respect for the guy she's with if she'll do this to him and if she doesn't respect him she doesn't love him. God forbid she should bring children into the world at the risk of teaching them that it's ok to behave like this or depriving them of a stable home environment.

The best way to deal with this is break up with him, be on your own for as long as you can- this is an addiction and requires some willpower- and if he's still around in 6 months to a year then well and good but if he's not then at least you'll have a healthier attitude towards a relationship.

We all enjoy male attention but you don't love anyone but yourself

LegacyUser

denhaagenite wrote: »

I agree with angry badger, nobody held a gun to her head and said "you must be in some sort of relationship for the rest of your life". Apart from anything else when she's putting herself around does she use protection.

God we've all had break ups where we thought that the quickest way to get over one is to be under another but most of us know its a short term fix. She doesn't have any respect for the guy she's with if she'll do this to him and if she doesn't respect him she doesn't love him. God forbid she should bring children into the world at the risk of teaching them that it's ok to behave like this or depriving them of a stable home environment.

The best way to deal with this is break up with him, be on your own for as long as you can- this is an addiction and requires some willpower- and if he's still around in 6 months to a year then well and good but if he's not then at least you'll have a healthier attitude towards a relationship.

We all enjoy male attention but you don't love anyone but yourself

Ok first things first i never said anyone put a gun to my head- these were my choices and i know that- i didnt come here looking for any form of valadition

Second of all i didnt "put myself about" the 3 people i cheated with were all exs and the last one i had an affair with which lasted a year and a half(hence the cheated a lot part) I didnt just go out to a club and say "ill shag someone tonight" it wasnt like that

And i think someone mentioned a self esteem issue- and i do have one but i didnt bring it into the conversation as i know itd be seen as an "excuse" for my behivour. I admit i felt ugly and they were there and made me feel gorgeous- and yes i did it its my fault no one elses.

And i think the"You dont love no one but yourself " parts pure ignorant- You know nothing about me or my life, Everyone makes mistakes and Im trying my best to fix my mistakes but of course thats not good enough for you.

Ive admitted my mistakes and i came on here seeing what people thought I could do to help the process....Last time i come on here with a problem when all i get is an answer like "You love no one but yourself"

thats not helping thats just rude

AngryBadger

Since Marksie has already asked me to be nice (and rightly so) I'll keep this nice and civil.

shezfriesh wrote: »

Second of all i didnt "put myself about" the 3 people i cheated with were all exs and the last one i had an affair with which lasted a year and a half(hence the cheated a lot part) I didnt just go out to a club and say "ill shag someone tonight" it wasnt like that

No-one has made any negative remarks about your sexual activity except where it relates to you showing absolutely no respect for your partner. To be honest the fact that you think it somehow makes you look like a better person because they were all exes is laughable. I don't really understand why you're pointing out that one affair lasted a year and a half with an ex, that just makes you even worse from where I'm standing. but maybe there's some magic set of laws that proves me wrong.

shezfriesh wrote:

And i think the"You dont love no one but yourself " parts pure ignorant- You know nothing about me or my life, Everyone makes mistakes and Im trying my best to fix my mistakes but of course thats not good enough for you.

It's not ignorant. It's based on the information you've supplied here, and that information is that you have a partner of 4 years who you have cheated on 3 times, (and as you've just revealed one of those times was a year and a half long affair), and yet you're STILL ENGAGED to this guy. Any reasonable person would agree that if you cared a whit for this guy you would break up with him because you've been terrible to him in the past and, by your own admission, you'll probably be terrible to him again in the future.

But of course you don't think that.

shezfriesh wrote:

Ive admitted my mistakes and i came on here seeing what people thought I could do to help the process....Last time i come on here with a problem when all i get is an answer like "You love no one but yourself".thats not helping thats just rude

No that's jsut stating what I see as the facts. You're obviously an articulate person. You're well able to come on here and break the problem down for us, and yet you're not seeking help for any kind of emotional problems you may have, and you're not saying "I think I should leave this guy whose heart I've already broken many time", what you are saying is "oh woah is me, but what can I do".

If any of the mods feel I deserve a ban for this that's completely fine. Fire away

Mr. Incognito

You came here for advice?

I think the general consensus is grow up.

You may need some councelling to do this as you've never learnt to be yourself without an emotional crutch,

invincibleirish

I agree with Angrybadger, i cant get my head around the guy taking her back after all her cheating, while the OP may have issues the person who is being really hurt is her other half, do him the decent thing and break up with him, let him find someone who has not ****ed him around like the OP has.

LegacyUser

AngryBadger wrote: »

No-one has made any negative remarks about your sexual activity except where it relates to you showing absolutely no respect for your partner.

Yes actually someone said in a previous post that i "Put myself about"Thats a negative remark in my eyes

AngryBadger wrote: »

To be honest the fact that you think it somehow makes you look like a better person because they were all exes is laughable.

i never said it makes it better thats you taking something out of context AGAIN

AngryBadger wrote: »

I don't really understand why you're pointing out that one affair lasted a year and a half with an ex, that just makes you even worse from where I'm standing. but maybe there's some magic set of laws that prvoes me wrong.

I pointed it out so cos its seems some people think i was just picking up random men

AngryBadger wrote: »

you have a partner of 4 years who you have cheated on 3 times, (and as you've just revealed one of those times was a year and a half long affair), and yet you're STILL ENGAGED to this guy. Any reasonable person would agree that if you cared a whit for this guy you would break up with him

I did - he is the one who wanted me back and i took him back cos i figured we could work it out as he was so keen to.

AngryBadger wrote: »

you've been terrible to him in the past and, by your own admission, you'll probably be terrible to him again in the future.

once again I NEVER SAID THAT i said i was scared i would get bored again - that doesnt automatically translate to "i know i will cheat on him again"

AngryBadger wrote: »

and you're not saying "I think I should leave this guy whose heart I've already broken many time",

I did do it for the 50th time

AngryBadger wrote: »

what you are saying is "oh woah is me, but what can I do".

once again i never said that

AngryBadger

shezfriesh wrote: »

Yes actually someone said in a previous post that i "Put myself about"Thats a negative remark in my eyes

Ok fair enough on that point, I didn't see that particular post but fine I take your point there.

shezfriesh wrote: »

i never said it makes it better thats you taking something out of context AGAIN...I pointed it out so cos its seems some people think i was just picking up random men

So are you saying that cheating on your partner with your ex is in some way better than cheating with a randomer? I'd really love to hear you justify that.

shezfriesh wrote: »

once again I NEVER SAID THAT i said i was scared i would get bored again - that doesnt automatically translate to "i know i will cheat on him again"

Well then once again would you mind explaining what the alternative translations are?

shezfriesh wrote: »

I did do it for the 50th time...I did - he is the one who wanted me back and i took him back cos i figured we could work it out as he was so keen to.

Well it obviously didn't stick, even if he did beg you to come back the onus is on you to say no if you feel you can't be faithful.

And for the record, and since you did come here for advice, I've given you my two cents, you should break up with this guy. Then go and get your head sorted.

LegacyUser

AngryBadger wrote: »

So are you saying that cheating on your partner with your ex is in some way better than cheating with a randomer? I'd really love to hear you justify that.

No im not No im n saying that and nowhere in any of my posts did i say that

Getting pretty sick of you taking things out of context

AngryBadger wrote: »

ell then once again would you mind explaining what the alternative translations are?.

There are no alternative translations - it means what it says . Im scared ill get bored again means what it says it does not mean "I plan to go and cheat again" like you seem to think it does

AngryBadger wrote: »

Well it obviously didn't stick, even if he did beg you to come back the onus is on you to say no if you feel you can't be faithful.

Yes it is I shouldnt have gone back to him but I was sick of the begging, and thats not to mention any of the family pressure(as itl be used against me) but your right there I shouldnt have taken him back, But i love him and I want to work at it, Maybe a slap in the heads what i need

Wibbs

shezfriesh wrote: »

No im not No im n saying that and nowhere in any of my posts did i say that

Getting pretty sick of you taking things out of context

Well TBH I can see where he's getting that impression. You explained the cheating by putting it in the context of non one night stands and that sounds like justifying it as you make that out to be better. If you hadn't you wouldn't have mentioned it.

There are no alternative translations - it means what it says . Im scared ill get bored again means what it says it does not mean "I plan to go and cheat again" like you seem to think it does

Again I can kinda see where this may be misunderstood. You're afraid you'll get "bored" again. What has happened when you got bored before? Did you not go elsewhere, to other men to relive the boredom and make you feel more attractive, by your own admission? I'm surprised that you're surprised that there may be alternative translations. BTW we all get bored but we don't make rash decisions based on that. We choose to go through it.

Yes it is I shouldnt have gone back to him but I was sick of the begging,

No you shouldn't. The begging should have put you off TBH.

and thats not to mention any of the family pressure(as itl be used against me)

OK but they don't have to live with him, you do.

but your right there I shouldnt have taken him back, But i love him and I want to work at it, Maybe a slap in the heads what i need

I would say time on your own is what you need more.

AngryBadger

I've made my points OP, take it or leave it, I'm going to refrain from posting again.

Toodle-pip!

CrazyNoob

shezfriesh wrote: »

Yes it is I shouldnt have gone back to him but I was sick of the begging, and thats not to mention any of the family pressure(as itl be used against me) but your right there I shouldnt have taken him back, But i love him and I want to work at it, Maybe a slap in the heads what i need

If you shouldnt have gone back to him then why did you?
In the long run you are not doing him any favours

I'd question if you do love him
From what its sounds like to me is "I love Myself (and the easy life)"

WildIrishRose

you Bf deserves better!

denhaagenite

I think everyone will agree with me when I say that you're not getting anywhere with this "no but yeh but no but yeh but I neva" stuff.

You've asked for our advice, why else would you post?

Stop tormenting that poor boy and take a long, hard look at yourself.

This sounds like the behaviour of an ex of my boyfriend.... she got slapped in the face by karma and you're headed the same way. You just need to cut him loose and sort yourself out.

If I insulted anyone, I'm very sorry, but this kind of behaviour makes my blood boil.

LegacyUser

The Lot Of You Can Shove It

Ye Dont Listen Ye Just Throw Abuse

Marksie

shezfriesh wrote: »

The Lot Of You Can Shove It

Ye Dont Listen Ye Just Throw Abuse

I am fairly strict on abuse OP.

Its unfortunate that you have decided not to read and take on board at least some of whats being said.

Thread closed