Relationship advice

LegacyUser

Sup,

I am with my fiancee over 2 years now. When we were going out I had an isuue, call it border line addiction to chatting on the internet. I chatted to lots of people but mainly girls and sometimes it got sexual. She found out and asked me to stop. I continued for a while until I realised it would cost me my relationship. I gave it up, and dont do it anymore. But over the christmas my father was in hospital. I was at the family home for over two weeks. My finacee was at home, and I started chatting. I did it for an hour or two, and have not done it since, but recently my girlfriend found out I had been chatting. She told me she does not trust me, and thinks we should split up. I love her so much. I did not do it to hurt her. To be honest I dont know why I did it. I want us or me to go to some sort of counselling, or get some help to stay together. I want to be with her for good, but I dont know how to get the trust back. Does anyone know of anyone I/we can talk to? She says she does not need to go to anything because she has done nothing wrong, which is fair enough. Has anyone been in a situation with distrust or unfaithfulness and got through it? How do you start?

Any ideas anyone?

WhiteWashMan

well, i can understand her situation, but im surprised that she feels she doesnt need to be a part of the answer.
Surely she would be all for helping you out and being involved.

Si she using this as an excuse to break up? who knows.
How do you gain the trust back? you should ask her. its her trust youve broken.

perhaps you may want to think more about what you have done, and why. i dont think its good enough to go to someone who has an issue with what youve done and say 'i really dont know why i do it'.
you have to be open with her. that would be a real start to gaining any sort of trust.

AngryBadger

As WWM has said how can she feel she doesn't need to be part of solving the problem?

Also, while I can understand that she would be annoyed, and perhaps feel betrayed by sexual chat online, you said that was only sometimes, so I'm assuming the rest of it was just casual non-sexual conversation? So what's her problem exactly? I mean does she also freak out when you talk to other people if you're in a bar with friends or at a party or something?

Also, how long are you engaged? Did you do the proposing? Was it off your own bat or was there any "pressure" from her side?

humanji

OP, you need to turn the computer off and walk away from it. You got in trouble because you were having sexual conversations online after being asked not to, and then you go online and ask more strangers their opinions.

She's the only one you need to talk to.

kins1979

I think you know you were wrong. I agree that your girlfriend hasn't done anything wrong so, why should she be the subject of scrutiny. You need to find out why you did it if you don't already know, but I think you probably do. I don't wish to insult you but the fact that she stayed with you when she found out about it before shows her commitment to you. Are you trying to sabotage the relationship, or do you really feel you have no control?!!

spinandscribble

im curious how she found out if it was your parents internet line? did you tell her?

denhaagenite

I absolutely agree with humanji. What the hell are you thinking??? And I'm appalled that the other posters think that you're poor girlfriend should help you "get through this". You're cheating and that's the bones of it no matter what light you dress it up in

togster

Sup

you need to turn of the computer/sell it and cop on.

That is all

Toots

Have to agree with the above, nobody is making you chat to these women. Doing it while you're single is all well and good, but once you're in a relationship, that should stop, and if you're engaged that should be the furthest thing from your mind.

Angry Badger has asked an interesting question here: did you propose or did she? If it was you was it off your own bat or was there pressure from her? It doesn't seem like you're ready to commit to a marriage if you're still having online dallianaces with other women tbh.