Does he love me?

Bitz n Pieces

I was just wondering from a guy's point of view especially, how long do you reckon if should take before you know you love a girl? I know it is different for every one. I love my boyfriend and have done for the past few months...he still hasn't said it to me. He says you know I "loves ya" but he won't say "I love You", what's the difference like. He should know by now, we have been together 7mths, he knows everything about me, we get on well e.t.c.

seamus

Depends on the person as you say. How old are you?

Men in particular can be a little wary about saying it, thinking that saying it is locking them into some kind of emotional contract - sometimes we can think that if we say it, it can never be taken back. Which scares us.

It can also be a defence mechanism. If someone has previously been in love in a serious relationship and gotten badly burned, they can be wary about saying it and emotionally exposing themselves too much.

7 months isn't a massive amount of time, but it may be worth just gauging him, perhaps talking about the (near) future - renting a place together, going on a holiday and so forth. If he seems totally up for it, then I wouldn't worry too much about it. He'll tell you when he's ready.

Wibbs

7 months in and he should have a fairly good idea if he loves you or not. TBH I would be more concerned with a man(or woman) saying the "I love you" early on. Bad sign in my experience. A mature relationship builds slowly enough. People who fall in love at the drop of a hat are the first and quickest to bail.

Stop worrying whether he says it. Look at his actions. Is he loving with you? Does he regard you as an equal in the relationship and in life? Is he attentive to your needs? Is he supportive? These are far far more important than saying I love you. If he told you I love you and then slapped you, which part would you believe? This isn't a chick flick, it's life and in life, actions, not words are what count.

Cathmandooo

Have you told him that you love him? Maybe he's nervous about saying it and is waiting for you! Be glad he doesnt say it without meaning it, if and when he says it to you you'll know where you stand . As Wibbs said, actions speak louder than words. If you feel he treats you like he loves you then you have your answer.

Bitz n Pieces

I am 24 he is almost 28. I have said it to him. I just think I am feeling a bit insecure in the relationship because he hasn't said it. I know it is real life and not a chick flick, and he is not the most romantic fella believe me, but I just think he should know by now. I would be thinking that things should be moving on by now ie getting a place together etc, but because he hasn't expressed the love I am afraid to bring anything like that up in case he runs a mile.

Wibbs

You're not answering the main point though(for yourself not for us here). Is he loving with you? You say he's not the most romantic etc, but is he a kind, considerate loving boyfriend? Simple as that.

I would also suggest that 7 months in getting a place together is a bit rushed, just because you feel insecure or he hasn't said the three little words. Maybe that's just me though. I wouldn't move in with someone 7 months in. Waaaay to fast for me.

Bitz n Pieces

I suppose your right, but he was thinking of getting a place and he couldn't find anyone to move in with him, that just got me thinking, but I didn't suggest me moving in with him at all (even though I thought it). He is loving with me, we have our moments like everyone else, but I know he cares. I suppose I just need to chill out about it, thanks for the replies.