Sexually Inexperienced

LegacyUser

Hi.

I'm a 26 year old male, with very little sexual experience. I've never had a girlfriend and can count on one hand the amount of times I've pulled.
My lack of experience is something that bothers me a lot, as it eats away at my confidence and makes me feel somewhat different. And I dread the thought of making a fool of myself when I get into a relationship with a girl.
I'm supposed to be heading to Germany next month for a weekend, and the thought crossed my mind of gaining a bit of experience in a legalised brothel. Obviously my head says that this isn't the way to go about things, but it's the only way I can see out of it.
So my question really is has anyone ever been to one of these places? How safe are they?
The last thing I want to do is feel worse after this, and start worrying about getting an STD.
I'm not quite sure how this post comes across but I'm just looking for a bit of advice really.
I appreciate that it's not the be-all and end-all but nevertheless it is something that bothers me and I would find it mortifying if anyone was ever to know.
Thanks in advance.

LegacyUser

i don't think a visit to a prostitute to get rid of your virginity is going to help....she's paid to seem as if she's enjoying it. And how will you feel afterwards? Do you want a relationship?

Bitz n Pieces

It's a tricky one, I mean they are paid to pretend they are enjoying themselves, but I think you should just wait and find somebody you really like and do it with them. Don't be afraid of the ladies, we are quite understanding believe it or not. Ease into it, don't just do it for the sake of it. It's not that difficult, we don't expect you all to be studs who know exactly what to do and when to do it.

Lux23

Are you actually a virgin? Or have you only had sex a few times? If I were you I wouldn't go to the brothel only because it may become a habit with you. You don't want to 36 with the only realtionships you have had were with women you had paid. There are loads of women out there who are single and who love to meet you, you just have to try a little harder to form realtionships with them. Just forget about your inexperience sexually and focus more on learning more about women emotionally.

togster

Id say go to the brothel and sleep with someone. If you use a condom you will be fine. You don't have to wait for someone special. really you need to decide if that is truly what you want or not.

biko

If you think by visiting a legal prostitute this will help somehow then by all means do it. It does not replace a real relationship but you can see it as a once-off learning experience. Tell the prostitute you are inexperienced and hopefully she will take extra care to guide you. Just make sure to always wear a condom, even with ordinary girls.

Caveat

For the sake of the experience, I'd say try the brothel. If you use a condom you will be OK - in fact there are other things you can do anyway.

Why not tell the lady in question of your worries and she can maybe guide you as to what women like and in what way?

Caveat

(Post crossed with Biko)

Balmed Out

Can only imagine that your problems arent going to be solved by using a prostitute. Possibly female companionship is what your yearning for more. Getting your rocks off is great but its not something thats going to leave you feeling fulfilled. Try getting some female friends so you will feel more comfortable with them and then hopefully everything else will fall into place.

Lizzykins

Balmed Out wrote: »

Can only imagine that your problems arent going to be solved by using a prostitute. Possibly female companionship is what your yearning for more. Getting your rocks off is great but its not something thats going to leave you feeling fulfilled. Try getting some female friends so you will feel more comfortable with them and then hopefully everything else will fall into place.

Couldn't agree more. From the point of view of an aul wan I'd be happier with a guy who wasn't experienced so that we could learn together!

Marksie

I agree with the above. Your first time by visiting a prostitute?

Neither fulfilling, memorable or something you will want to recall.

If a partner ever asks you what it was like on your first time..what would you say?????

But thats by the by, it will be simply a monetary transaction for services rendered. Not what sex and sexuality is about.

It is best to continue to be out and amongst memebers of the opposite sex, gain confidence by talking and eventually you will meet one who will have sex with you and you can learn together.

Iago

Hint No 1. in my experience, most men are crap in bed.

Hint No 2. in my experience, most women don't even realise this at the time.

Hint No 3. while going to a brothel may well enable you to lose the tag you've placed on yourself, you'll still be no wiser as to what you should do when in bed (or wherever) with a woman.

You're better off waiting until an opportunity presents itself and then pouncing like a tiger...

em, what I mean is the right time will come and you'll do it and wonder what all the fuss was about. Then you'll meet someone who is as into you as you are to them, and you'll realise what all the fuss is about!

Mad_Max

Id imagine if they're legalised they would be of some standard no?? Does legalisation infer that the girls get tested anyone know?

But id say if it bothers you that much give it a go. Not being smart but there are also "toys" that do the same trick and they are cheaper!!

wylo

A prostitute could make you worse in bed than better. I cant imagine theres too much foreplay with a prostitute. If you do things really slowly while your in bed with her instead of jumping straight for the main thing then the two of you will enjoy it better. From what I gather from womens responses is that the slower you go the more eager they get

Mad_Max

wylo wrote: »

From what I gather from womens responses is that the slower you go the more eager they get

eager to finish??

spinandscribble

im just back from amsterdamn yesturday. i spoke to ppl about it there and it will be the most unsexual experience of your life. they make you shower like you're dirty and make strict rules (bra will not be removed, cant go in the whole way, they choose positions). the girls see this as a job. most dislike it and they wont even always act like they enjoy it. dont bother with it i say.
a hooker is no way to learn how to have sex.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the opinions so far.

No, I'm not a virgin but I've only done it a couple of times, which is quite a terrible record for someone my age. It's not like I'm a loner or extremely introverted or anything, I go out more than most, it's just that I'm a bit quiet when it comes to making an effort with girls. Just can't make that first step trying to chat someone up from scratch. It's just not my style really.
And week on week it just builds up over time. Any time I have pulled I'd have been more or less full and/or it'd have been on a plate for me, if you know what I mean.
Really I'd just like to be more experienced, as I said above it feels like I'm missing something that everyone else has, and privately affects my confidence and esteem.
Obviously the antics in Germany would only be a short-term solution, but when I started the thread I was thinking it wouldn't make things much worse either.

kizzyr

Personally I would advise you not to go to a prostitute. When you meet someone you develop a sexual relationship with them and you both learn what your likes and dislikes in bed are. Having a quick one with a prostitute isn't going to make you a dynamo in the bedroom. Also, and again this is a personal point of view, if I was in a relationship with someone and I discovered that they had had sex with a prostitute I don't think I could stay with him. I'd take inexperienced but willing to learn anytime over that.

Talliesin

inexperienced wrote: »

it's the only way I can see out of it.

Only way out of what?

How is a premium-priced **** going to get you "out" of?

Jack B. Badd

It sounds like you're looking for a quick fix, OP. One shag and suddenly you're Cassanova! *drum roll please*

The truth, as I see it, is that gaining sexual experience is an ongoing process and the process changes everytime you enter a new relationship or gain a new partner. It's a lifelong process, but (I hope!) an enjoyable one.

estar

there is no record. in my experience men in groups say they have slept with far more women than they actually have.

so if you are basing your desired record on what your mates say - its probably far less.

it depends on what you want - mechanical fulfillment or a more natural bond with someone. your issue appears to be feeling comfortable around girls your age, which really i dont see visiting a prostitute really changing.

if you accepted yourself as you are now, as normal, then perhaps you would relax more and therefore be more natural around the ladies, as there wouldnt be this record to fulfill hanging over your head. i dont think the prostitute idea is going to make you feel better.

however i could be wrong. ive rarely heard any man say - that visit to the prostitute was really one of the best things ive ever done. it made me really confidant.

however given that i havent spoken to every man who has ever gone to a prostitute i may be wrong.

Overheal

The only thing I've heard from people after a visit to a prostitute are: "Meh" "Bitch gave me mouth-herpes" and "I think I'm in love with my prostitute"

None of which are very constructive.

OP if its any consolation I have heard confessed from the own women's mouth about their past virgin lovers getting them off in record times - she climaxed with the first one in 5 seconds; the second in 45.
My point being I dont think sex is about experience, its about your gut feeling and intuition, your compatibility with the other person.

*sigh*

If you're still not swayed at least do it the less soul-destroying way (of the two soul destroying methods) and pick up/steal/torrent a book called "the Game" by Niel Strauss. Its man's bible for pulling women. Go find yourself a nice one nighter at the very least - not some 15 minute whore.

However I still hold to the idea of waiting for someone special.

JCB

inexperienced wrote: »

Obviously the antics in Germany would only be a short-term solution, but when I started the thread I was thinking it wouldn't make things much worse either.

...here's two reasons it could get much worse

inexperienced wrote:

getting an STD

inexperienced wrote:

I would find it mortifying if anyone was ever to know

I certainly wouldn't want any of the above hanging over my head.

Esel

Hey man, you might get lucky in Germany!

LegacyUser

OP, I know exactly how you feel. I was still a virgin at the age of 25, and was absolutely useless when it came to pulling or chatting women up. And the older I got, the more it affected my confidence, making it seem like more of an issue. I found myself in Amsterdam with a few friends and was sorely tempted to try going to a brothel, just to get rid of the stigma of being a virgin. In the end I thought better of it, and I'm glad I did.

A few months later I was out with some of my housemates, and met my current girlfriend, and we just got along great; no feeble chat-up lines or anything required, just friendly chat. I was really nervous the first time we ended up in bed together, and confessed to her that I was still a virgin. She was glad I told her, and actually saw it as an oppurtunity to teach me what she herself liked best. We've been together over a year now, and our sex life is great. Any woman worth being with will appreciate that your inexperience may make you nervous, and will be willing to help you improve your "skills" rather than making fun of you or anything like that.

I honestly believe I would have learned nothing from going to a brothel, and probably would have made me feel worse about my situation. And another thing, there isn't one single "right" way to have sex that you'll learn in a brothel. You need to talk to your partner and find out what she likes, and then go from there. Good, satisfying sex come from an appreciation of your partner's needs, and a willingness to fulfil those needs. Do you really think you'll have that kind of bond with a prostitute?

But, this is just my experience. If you believe you would be more self-confident after visiting a brothel, then by all means go for it. Just don't expect the experience to make you a better lover; making love and having sex aren't always the same thing, and what you do with a prostitute isn't guaranteed to have any bearing on what you do with any future partners.

Good luck with your situation OP, my advice is to try not to let it bother you, and to wait until you find someone special.

Overheal

knowhowyoufeel wrote: »

OP, I know exactly how you feel. I was still a virgin at the age of 25, and was absolutely useless when it came to pulling or chatting women up. And the older I got, the more it affected my confidence, making it seem like more of an issue. I found myself in Amsterdam with a few friends and was sorely tempted to try going to a brothel, just to get rid of the stigma of being a virgin. In the end I thought better of it, and I'm glad I did.

A few months later I was out with some of my housemates, and met my current girlfriend, and we just got along great; no feeble chat-up lines or anything required, just friendly chat. I was really nervous the first time we ended up in bed together, and confessed to her that I was still a virgin. She was glad I told her, and actually saw it as an oppurtunity to teach me what she herself liked best. We've been together over a year now, and our sex life is great. Any woman worth being with will appreciate that your inexperience may make you nervous, and will be willing to help you improve your "skills" rather than making fun of you or anything like that.

I honestly believe I would have learned nothing from going to a brothel, and probably would have made me feel worse about my situation. And another thing, there isn't one single "right" way to have sex that you'll learn in a brothel. You need to talk to your partner and find out what she likes, and then go from there. Good, satisfying sex come from an appreciation of your partner's needs, and a willingness to fulfil those needs. Do you really think you'll have that kind of bond with a prostitute?

But, this is just my experience. If you believe you would be more self-confident after visiting a brothel, then by all means go for it. Just don't expect the experience to make you a better lover; making love and having sex aren't always the same thing, and what you do with a prostitute isn't guaranteed to have any bearing on what you do with any future partners.

Good luck with your situation OP, my advice is to try not to let it bother you, and to wait until you find someone special.

excellent post

Goodluck2me

inexperienced wrote: »

Hi.

can count on one hand the amount of times I've pulled...

i lol`d.


btw its confidence, so get confident stupid.

AngryBadger

VIsiting a prostitue is not a good idea OP. Obviously women do find you attractive since you've been with people before. The problem seems to be mainly down to your self-esteem.

I think a lot of people, guys in aporticular since we're generally expected to do all the leg-work, ifnd meeting people in the pubs/clubs of ireland very pressurising. There are alternatives, tyou could try speed-dating with a mat,e or online dating. Or basically any way of meeting women that removes the social pressure you find in bars.

In terms of gaining more sexual experience; the best way is to have more sex ("so say we all" I hear you shout ), however you can also really maximise the benefit of each encounter by remembering two very simple things

1) Women tend to be way more sensitive, and responsive than guys, so you'll find that a lot of physical contact, which you would brush off, will drive her wild, this applies to contact of the clothed and unclothed varieties

2) Pay attention to your partner. The single biggest failing of both men and women in the bedroom is that they approach sex with a single-mindedness that makes them oblivious to what's actually happening.

For example, most guys realise than clitoral stimulation is very satisfying for a woman. What most guys don't know, is exactly where the clitoris is. A lot of guys, rather than look for some direction, or see how she responds to each touch, will just plow in and grind away at some random point. Obviously this is not even remotely pleasant for the lady in question and can in fact be quite painful.

If you're in doubt just ask her what she likes. You can even frame the quesiton so that it seems more like aprt of the foreplay and less like you're the pupil and she's the teacher (although that can be fun too!). i.e. "Does that feel good?" as against "you wouldn't happen to have a digarm or some kind of map would you? It's like a wet maze down there!"

Also on the point of massaging the clitoris, if you're too embarrassed to ask, then try using your entire hand, keep the fingers together and move them as one, (kind of like a fin!), you stimulate a broader area this way which has double-benefits. FIrst, because womens eroginous zones are so much more disperse than men you wind up hitting several spots at once! And second, you seem like a legend because she's out of her head on account of your digital mastication

Finally, rememebr that a great many people are in the same boat as yourself. A lot of people, men and women, really haven't got a notion what they're doing in the bedroom. So you're not alone in feeling under-experienced