Kissing

LegacyUser

I was told that I'm not a good kisser, as a guy I've never been trained to actually think about what she might actually want- conversations tend to focus on her:
a- being a ride
b- her being rotten

so my question is: What makes a good kisser?

Wibbs

Gentleness but not weak. Don't be a washing machine mouth with spittle flying all over the place. Slow down. Don't jam your tongue down her neck looking to check her fillings. Work more at the front of the mouth when tongues get involved until you start learning what's what. Stop with the tongues and back off to gentle pecking. Practice. That goes for both genders.

Talliesin

Lipsy McGee wrote: »

as a guy I've never been trained to actually think about what she might actually want- conversations tend to focus on her:
a- being a ride
b- her being rotten

This is a much bigger problem than kissing.

You are currently on a strategy that is not just going to make you bad at kissing.

You should also expect to be bad at pretty much anything to do with sex. Indeed, you'll be fractally bad at sex - examine any part of how you are bad at sex and you'll find a similar case of you being bad at something that can be broken down into yet more cases of being bad at each of those and so on forever.

It's not "as a guy". It's "as a clueless guy whose only discussion or learning about sexual matters is with other clueless guys".

It's really not a winning strategy in the slightest. I sugggest you hit upon another. In the meantime:

Lipsy McGee wrote: »

What makes a good kisser?

There's two different ways to look at this. There's the nerdy way - examine all the different types of kisses (French, butterfly, droplet, necklet, swirl, etc) and what things are supposed to be good for various reasons that people have scientific theories on. There's the instinctual way - basically start with a medium approach as far as speed, force, moisture and so on go and then adjust as seems to work to get from that medium place into what is best for the person you are with (because everyone is different).

You really need to do both at the same time. However the nerdy way is both already quite easy (google a bit) and of little value until you've made some progress with the instinctual way so you've something to build on. It's also important that you never forget the instinctual side either - learning that something is meant to feel good is just trainspotting if it is not something that you are doing in a place where you are still mostly paying attention to how things are with the two of you.

So start much as Wibbs says, and build on it from there.

Basic things that people sometimes get wrong:

1. Act like you're enjoying it, especially if you are.

2. It doesn't have to be a matter of locking lips like docking spacecraft to form a seal that can withstand a hard vacuum. There's a certain way in which that approach is kinda fun when you're a teenager, but really, it's pretty weak. You can also move your mouth away from hers teasingly a bit, or gently and lovingly kiss her face, or passionately kiss along the her neck. Shake things up a bit.

3. When you're very young, it's common to think about sexual matters as a sort of ladder* of progress, e.g. kissing is somewhere at the bottom, sexual intercourse is somewhere at the top. There's a certain advantage to that for young people in terms of helping them decide "how far will I go", but really it's wrong on many, many, many levels and screws up some people's attitudes to sex for decades to come.

The first way that it can lead to screwing things up, is that if you think of things that way then once you do something that is higher on the ladder you stop paying attention to everything else.

This is a very bad idea. Good kissing is always a good idea, even if you find yourself doing things that right now you didn't even know about, don't stop kissing as well.











* I understand American's use a baseball analogy here.

Overheal

Talliesin wrote: »

* I understand American's use a baseball analogy here.

*Ahem* the common standard is

First Base: Kissing

Second Base: Groping

Third Base: Foreplay

Home: Intercourse

You Irish never cease to amuse me with your ignorance of this system

AARRRGH

Lipsy McGee wrote: »

What makes a good kisser?

Nice minty breath is a good start...

Marksie

[QUOTE=Overheal;54919714
You Irish never cease to amuse me with your ignorance of this system [/QUOTE]

Its a system that desreves to be ignored TBH.

Ok Wibbs and talleisin have given very good advice.

So I will concentrate on mindset and intent, the practicalities can be worked on later.

The idea that you have to be trained to do this is not really correct. OK reading about the different types and how to may seem like training but in essence we are not pavlovs dogs, when a bell rings we salivate.

What you need to change is the attitude.
Now Talleisin is right... you are bad at the wholesex thing. But at least now you are consciously bad at it, rather than those who are unconsciously bad.

Its not a presonal dig per se if you think about it, because most if not all of us were at one time or another in the same boat. Where the difference lies is the speed at which we realised this and did something about it. Which leads us to being consciously good then unconsciously good.

and of course as Wibbs said it cuts for both sexes. So girls if you asusmne your guys should know what they are doing then you are making a grave error and vice versa.

Now to the intent. Why are you kissing? as a brief prelude to going to other bases?, something you have to do to get to sex or something you enjoy doing because you find the sexual energy in both you and your partner begins to rise.

So if its the earlier two it will be perfunctory, boring and missing in the essential characteristics that makes a good kisser.

The most delictable kisses are not necessarily the face chewing varieties where the mind is somewhere else. (though later in a foray into a long slow kissing session, such deep passionate kisses are very exciting), but where focus and intent that all of you is put into a simple kiss will be mind blowing.

So taking time, and really putting all of what you feel into the kiss will lift it far above the tongue waggling you may be used to in teenage discos.

Be aware of both what is happening to your body when you kiss and your partners.
If you have instigated the kiss, feel his/her response, the noises he/she makes and respond accordingly.
Its this awareness, this depth of feeling which will trun a mechanical kisser into a superlative kisser.
Dont focus on the what next, or where should my hands go. But focus on that moment and keep your mind on that moment. A bit of practical advice would be to learn to breath through slowly through your nose as that is when the kiss will be prolonged indefintely.

Really donw worry about the practicalities because as you two being to juts enjoy kissing for kissing sake you will both begin to learn what it all means.

junior_apollo

Wibbs wrote: »

Gentleness but not weak. Don't be a washing machine mouth with spittle flying all over the place. Slow down. Don't jam your tongue down her neck looking to check her fillings. Work more at the front of the mouth when tongues get involved until you start learning what's what. Stop with the tongues and back off to gentle pecking. Practice. That goes for both genders.

HAHA... he asked what makes a good kisser... not a full rundown on what you got upto this morning!... haha...

If the poor chap was to follow your advice he'd never make a good kisser as he'd be too worried about following each guideline... hahaha

Apologies for not adding my own advice...

The only way your gonna learn is by trial and error... no amount of reading/researching is ever gonna get you there (ok you get the basic guidelines, but reading a book about how to drive doesnt mean you aint gonna conk a few times)

The more kissing you do the better you get at it... And it will always depend on the other person also... some people you will hate kissing as ye just dont match up... so either spend time explaining what they doing wrong and hope they'll change or grab someone else and get going again...

Marksie

Junior apollo: it is one thing to critiscise another posters advice. But in doing so please have your own advice for the rest of us to review.

junior_apollo

Overheal wrote: »

*Ahem* the common standard is

First Base: Kissing

Second Base: Groping

Third Base: Foreplay

Home: Intercourse

You Irish never cease to amuse me with your ignorance of this system

So what would a Grand Slam, or a Walk-Off count as?

Marksie

Junior appollo : Banned, Off topic posting follwoing Moderator post.
1 week

annemarie13

Overheal wrote: »

*Ahem* the common standard is

First Base: Kissing

Second Base: Groping

Third Base: Foreplay

Home: Intercourse

You Irish never cease to amuse me with your ignorance of this system

this would take place over a long time not in like a day or somethin!

Sherifu

Overheal wrote: »

You Irish never cease to amuse me with your ignorance of this system

I think it's better not to have a system for things like this, i'm happy to be ignorant of such things.

OP, is it just one girl telling you this or what? How does it feel for you?

Aura

To my mind what makes a good kisser is someone who can read both their own and the kissees* needs. Slows it down, lingers and speeds it up as required. It's really about dynamics though and there is no such thing as a bad kisser just two people who don't kiss well together and boy are you in luck when you find someone who matches. A good smooch beats most things!

Enjoy and don't be disheartened by bad reviews. Those silly enough to think that way really aren't worth your saliva!

* woohoo do I get to coin a new word here! Niagarlously Kavanagh like

noker

is there such a thing as a bad kisser or could it be that two people just aren't compatable kissing wise?

Mad_Max

junior_apollo wrote: »

So what would a Grand Slam, or a Walk-Off count as?

That would be the ass

Victor

On topic please.

AckwelFoley

Snyper says.

Start with focus on either the top or bottom lip gently kissing either... avoid at all cost jamming the tongue into her mouth.. serious turn off.. you will know from the way she kiss what she likes.

Vairy intensity depending on the mood.

Avoid farting.

LadyJ

Have to say OP, kissing can be so amazing as long as you don't worry about it too much. Everyone likes different things and no two people will ever kiss you the same way.
Also, I have found that some of the best kisses I have ever had were the ones that did not lead directly to sex.

It is hard to give general advice on how to kiss well but there are a number of ways to do it and a number of things to try. I always like to gently rub my nose against his before our lips touch, then sort of move in teasingly and slowly. Maybe lick his lips lightly and brush my lips against his in a "Will I? Won't I ?" kind of way. Then when he opens his mouth I'd tease his tongue out with my own and play around until I finally lock lips so to speak.

This varies from time to time obviously but it's a fun way to start imo. Just have fun and play around a bit. Kissing is incredibly enjoyable and very sexy if you're really in the moment.

Talliesin

Overheal wrote: »

You Irish never cease to amuse me with your ignorance of this system

We don't have baseball on television, so we don't learn the basic rules until our ages are in double-figures, by which time we've outgrown the metaphor.

Marksie wrote: »

Its not a presonal dig per se if you think about it, because most if not all of us were at one time or another in the same boat.

I like to think I'm still in that boat. If I am there's still loads more to learn.

I certainly hope so. Learning can be fun.

noker wrote: »

is there such a thing as a bad kisser

Yes. Some people just aren't good at it.

Overheal

Talliesin wrote: »

We don't have baseball on television, so we don't learn the basic rules until our ages are in double-figures, by which time we've outgrown the metaphor.

Its not that: its just I get asked about the metaphor about 3 times a month.

Seraphina

Lipsy McGee wrote: »

as an ignorant person I never think about what she might actually want

you dont get 'trained' to think about what the other person wants. you're just supposed to do it, its common courtesy and normal behaviour for most of the population.

frankly, your attitude disgusts me, and you're always going to be a bad kisser if thats how you think. you're the kind of guy who rams his tongue down the girls throat and goes straight for a rough grab of the boobs :rolleyes:

Nevyn

noker wrote: »

is there such a thing as a bad kisser or could it be that two people just aren't compatable kissing wise?

Both.

Overheal

Two bad kissers dont make a right.