So the wife is away for a week...

Saruman

Wife went to the US yesterday to visit her mom, so im here alone... I have a 5 ltr Keg of Heineken and a fully stocked bar She will come back and i will be going to AA meetings

Tom Dunne

5Ltr keg? Sure that will only get you to this evening.

orestes

Good god man, it looks like you have lunch sorted but what are you gonna do after that?! Get out there and get some supplies for the long haul!

FunkZ

Man get yourself to a supermarket, you'll need some pre take-away snacks and all. There's plenty of footy on to watch for the next week as well! Have ya stocked up on your pizza, chinese etc menus? Try and find a few buy one get one free vouchers as well... Good luck!

Ruu_Old

Mine is away for a day this week, what do I do?!!?! *panics*

Saruman

Actually my fridge is stocked pretty well too.... im the cook of the household so i will not starve... However when i get sick of the beer i will move on to whiskey, i have 4 or 5 to pick from, including middleton
I finished off the cider yesterday, still have lots of wine and about 20 other spirits and mixers.
My bar is full, i even have a box of Tato crisps, although im almost out of peanuts.

Watching top gear on Dave

Gillo

Think I may have misread your post, but I can't see the invite for Beers A La Chez Saruman

Saruman

Yeah im sad... out here in westmeath, do not know anyone to invite who would even come. I wish Guinness did a 5 ltr keg.

Zaph

Saruman wrote: »

im the cook of the household

/shakes head disapprovingly

Wagon

I agree with the others above, 5ltrs ain't enough...
You need to make the place into a hovel that you can call your own for a week. You should ...

1. 2 bottles of whiskey. Don't get mixer, drink it like a man on your front porch. Youngsters will be impressed.
2. Sports constantly playing on the TV, even when you're asleep...in front of it.
3. All toilet rolls out beside the toilet, recommend about 15 rolls to go the whole week.
4. If you have any pictures hanging on the walls, tilt them crooked. This will make the place feel dirty from the start and you won't be as worried about cleaning it as the week progresses as it'll look no different.
5. KING SIZE Mars bars within reach of all locations of the couch.
6. Get another 15 ltrs of booze, 30 if your having your mate's over.
7. Replace the background on the computer desktop to a nice looking bird, preferable wearing a smile. But that's all.
8. Sounds like Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, The Who, Cream, Motorhead, Black Sabbath playing.
9. No healthy dinners. Pizza menus and chinese take away phone numbers must be kept by the phone, which should be cordless and beside you on the couch.

enjoy your week!

Saruman

Wagon wrote: »

I agree with the others above, 5ltrs ain't enough...
You need to make the place into a hovel that you can call your own for a week. You should ...

1. 2 bottles of whiskey. Don't get mixer, drink it like a man on your front porch. Youngsters will be impressed.
2. Sports constantly playing on the TV, even when you're asleep...in front of it.
3. All toilet rolls out beside the toilet, recommend about 15 rolls to go the whole week.
4. If you have any pictures hanging on the walls, tilt them crooked. This will make the place feel dirty from the start and you won't be as worried about cleaning it as the week progresses as it'll look no different.
5. KING SIZE Mars bars within reach of all locations of the couch.
6. Get another 15 ltrs of booze, 30 if your having your mate's over.
7. Replace the background on the computer desktop to a nice looking bird, preferable wearing a smile. But that's all.
8. Sounds like Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, The Who, Cream, Motorhead, Black Sabbath playing.
9. No healthy dinners. Pizza menus and chinese take away phone numbers must be kept by the phone, which should be cordless and beside you on the couch.

enjoy your week!

Some of this i can do, i will pick up some mars bars.
The whiskey on the porch though... have you looked outside recently??
I do have lots of TV dinners but they are Tesco healthy options crap... But if i add unhealthy stuff like chips etc to them.... hmm...

Cathmandooo

We'll all come to your house if there's free beer going!

it's time to install a permanent bar in your sitting room, wifey wouldn't approve but she has abandoned you for a week and will have to live with new bar in sitting room hehe

Zaph

Saruman wrote: »

I do have lots of TV dinners but they are Tesco healthy options crap... But if i add unhealthy stuff like chips etc to them.... hmm...

Forget about adding chips, I think you already know what to do with these...

Saruman

Cathooo wrote: »

We'll all come to your house if there's free beer going!

it's time to install a permanent bar in your sitting room, wifey wouldn't approve but she has abandoned you for a week and will have to live with new bar in sitting room hehe

Actually... my wife would approve...

My bar is technically a garden Bar, but looks fantastic in the kitchen / dining room.. however i if i can make more room in the sitting room i might move it... Or i will stick a flatscreen by the bar in the dining area.

Cathmandooo

Saruman wrote: »

Actually... my wife would approve...

My bar is technically a garden Bar, but looks fantastic in the kitchen / dining room.. however i if i can make more room in the sitting room i might move it... Or i will stick a flatscreen by the bar in the dining area.

I love it, plus she's a definite keeper, although you did marry her so you know that already

I'm sure you'll survive the week!

orestes

Saruman wrote: »

Actually... my wife would approve...

My bar is technically a garden Bar, but looks fantastic in the kitchen / dining room.. however i if i can make more room in the sitting room i might move it... Or i will stick a flatscreen by the bar in the dining area.

Don't move it, build a second one!

Saruman

orestes wrote: »

Don't move it, build a second one!

Class...

I was planning to build a bar, but then i saw this in Athlone at New years for €300 and thought, if i Varnish it (yet to do) it would look fantastic indoors.. Plus if i ever do need the space i can fold it up and move it out of the way.

My wife is American, from Michigan. Her dad now.. has a full size 10 foot bar in their house. I do not have the space for something that big but i wish i did.

She has fecked off to Alabama, Gulf shores, near Florida to visit her parents in their new Condo... looking outside im depressed, not because she is gone.. but because she is somewhere warm and probably sunny while im here... jaysus.

Pigman II

Zaph wrote: »

Forget about adding chips, I think you already know what to do with these...

It's his week of freedom! Can't be wasting previous time taking regular trips to the bin

This will do

Santa Claus

I suggest you console yourself about the crap weather by getting something nice and hot from the local curry house or chinese.
Plenty of beer to wash it down and then a shot of three at the end of the night.

You should also ring work tomorrow claiming you have a rare and highly contagious illness as whats the point of the wife being away if you can't slob around the house all day !?!

Saruman

Well the beer is all gone, i had my Whiskey! I went with some Tullamore Dew tonight Good stuff.

Going to have a shower, first in days... having tonight so i do not have to get up quite so early in the morning.
I will go to work but im expecting a handy day. Well for certain a handy morning. I have an early monday meeting in work.. but then i go to my usual monday morning job till lunch at a hotel. I can avail of the staff canteen so free food

Big fry and decent lunch for free.... yay.

For dinner tonight i threw some chips, scampi and forzen cod in the oven. Smothered the cod in garlic and butter etc. It was pretty nice and pretty much no effort.

If i am economical with my cutlery etc i can fill the new dishwasher and have herself press the on button when she gets home

longshanks

Saruman wrote: »

Well the beer is all gone, i had my Whiskey! I went with some Tullamore Dew tonight Good stuff.

Going to have a shower, first in days... having tonight so i do not have to get up quite so early in the morning.
I will go to work but im expecting a handy day. Well for certain a handy morning. I have an early monday meeting in work.. but then i go to my usual monday morning job till lunch at a hotel. I can avail of the staff canteen so free food

Big fry and decent lunch for free.... yay.

For dinner tonight i threw some chips, scampi and forzen cod in the oven. Smothered the cod in garlic and butter etc. It was pretty nice and pretty much no effort.

If i am economical with my cutlery etc i can fill the new dishwasher and have herself press the on button when she gets home

cutlery? cutlery? whats wrong with your hands man?

takola

Saruman wrote: »

If i am economical with my cutlery etc i can fill the new dishwasher and have herself press the on button when she gets home

You're going to put stuff in the dishwasher before she gets home? :eek:

She has you well trained!

Saruman

Well its more a case of simple convenience. There is the convenience of leaving everything in a pile... sure.. but that leads to the inconvenience in tripping up and falling in my own filth... On the other hand, the slight inconvenience of sticking stuff in the dishwasher and not having to dodge obstacles.. which lets face it, is too much like a workout... is worth it i think

Cathmandooo

yes it's better to pop them into the dishwasher!

Did you survive ok so far? you managed to get yourself up, cleaned, dressed and fed this morning? welllllllllllllll done

Saruman

Yes it was all good, the usual procedure is she gets up first and then makes me get up...

Just had a full irish at 9 and im stuffed

johnnyskeleton

Zaph wrote: »

Forget about adding chips, I think you already know what to do with these...

Should he put them in the bin and then set them alight so that he can warm his hands (through his fingerless hobo gloves) while drinking his vat 69?

Because otherwise it's a perfectly good waste of cardboard.

johnnyskeleton

Saruman wrote: »

Well its more a case of simple convenience. There is the convenience of leaving everything in a pile... sure.. but that leads to the inconvenience in tripping up and falling in my own filth... On the other hand, the slight inconvenience of sticking stuff in the dishwasher and not having to dodge obstacles.. which lets face it, is too much like a workout... is worth it i think

Yes you should load the dishwasher, but you should also break it by, among other things, hitting it with a hammer to make it start/stop. That'll show her you mean business.

orestes

You still hanging on in there Saruman?!

I'm worried that you're still sat at the breakfast table since this morning wondering why your breakfast hasn't been front of you yet!

Saruman

Not a bother... im not much in the mood for cooking tonight.. but i have no choice, Chinese closes on Wednesday for some reason... feckers.

Ill throw some stuff in the oven.