Hard to trust again

LegacyUser

ALmost a year ago discovered my b/f was cheatin on me - having sex wit some girls over internet. We had difficult time but decided to give it a go. He promised he will never do it again and as far as i'm aware he stopped entirely.
The problem is from time to time I find it difficult to trust him. He agreed for me to check his phone and I use this right. But from time to time when he comes back home later or doesn't answer my calls/txts i start to imagine all things he may be doing when I'm not with him. Also sometimes just seein him txting triggers this 'I don't trust you' reaction.
It drives me crazy because since he said he will stop i could find no proof that he does anything behind my back and I believe him but my mind plays those tricks with my head

Had anyone been in similar situation? What have you done yourself? Is councelling the best solution? And please don't wirte 'just leave him' cause i love him and won't do it.

IRISH RAIL

Yea been there after her christmas party last year
I tried to give it a go she just deleted his txts even when she was begging me to take her back she was still seeing him more the fool for me well it took eight months and 4 councellers for me to discover after something like that you can never rebuild the trust.
something you have to face I was scared to face them and just went along in a sham of a relationship out of the need for security now im free I still have some bad memories about it maybe because we still share a house it will be sold in a few weeks now, but it was a weight off my shoulders not to worry was she still with him. I know where you are in life you love him but if he really loved you would he be off with someone else it was an internet thing not just a drunken night out.
id be making my plans to leave now if I were in youre shoes.

jellie

If it was a few months ago, id say ok it takes time to win trust back. but a year & its still affecting you a lot, it doesnt seem like its going away. A relationship with no trust wont work, you cant spend your life checking up on him.

I think you need to either make an effort to put it in the past & move on, or else decide if you can live with a relationship thats messing with your mind.

MagicMarker

Hang on a sec... Do you mean sex with girls he met on the internet, or cybersex with girls ON the internet?

ohsosad wrote: »

And please don't wirte 'just leave him' cause i love him and won't do it.

A little dose of cop on is required here i think.

Wibbs

ohsosad wrote: »

And please don't wirte 'just leave him' cause i love him and won't do it.

And as magicmarker points out there may be more thought needed here.

Loving someone is great, but not much use if he doesn't love you or you don't trust him enough to love you and you alone. That's one sided and one sided love isn't doing either of you any good. If you have made your mind up that no matter what you wouldn't leave him then you've snookered yourself before you start. Regardless of how you feel about someone it is healthier for your own soul to know that should a problem that breaks the relationship arise, that you can and have the will to leave for your own sake.

Toots

MagicMarker wrote: »

Hang on a sec... Do you mean sex with girls he met on the internet, or cybersex with girls ON the internet?

MagicMarker makes a good point, was it cybersex or did he take it offline? Some ppl might not regard cybersex as such a big deal, however it's how you feel about it that matters. Like IrishRail said, it's easy to just delete a txt. Sometimes once trust is broken, it just can't be gotten back, simple as. If you are still feeling so hurt and distrusting, perhaps you need to reconsider staying with him.