Lies to Children

the dee

What's the best / worst lie you were told as a child, or tell to your children.

I remember being traumatised by my dad when I was about 6. I used to ask him to get me a pony every day. One day he came home, I asked if he'd gotten me a pony yet. He said yes, it's tied to the tree in the garden. I ran out and into the garden - no pony. He told me it must have run away. I was in bits.

I had my sister convinced that if she poked the matress on the top bunk from her bottom bunk, her feet would fall off. She believed this till she was 5!

Archeron

When I was a kid, my three brothers told me that they had a magic book called "the picadilly book" which was hidden somewhere in the walls of the house. The book was filled with pictures of every sweet and candy bar you can imagine, but you could just reach in and take one out and eat it. Then when you closed the book and opened it again, the picture would be back and you could take another.

I was told if I was well behaved and done what I was told, they would someday show me where it was hidden. The bastards.

Good lie though, great way to get yourself a slave!

ejmaztec

My younger brother is five years younger than me. When he was about 4, he woke up and asked me where our mother was. I told him that, as he was such an obnoxious little sh1t, she had left home and was never coming back. He bawled his eyes out until she eventually showed up from a shopping trip. On reflection, I think that I was probably the real obnoxious little sh1t:(

Rob_l

its not really a lie more a solution to a problem parents face I know this guy who after Christmas times when his child is annoying with that toy that makes the noises we all know the type
well his solution is simple come bath time he simply asks the child if they would like to bring their new favourite toy into the bath with them:D:D:D

No more noise and its the childs own fault too
teaches them something I reckon


Probably never to trust their parents but isn't that a lesson we all need to learn some time

beans

One constructive lie I was told as a kid was that if you press the gas button on a lighter down, but don't light it, a blue invisible flame shoots out and if your finger touches the flame you could pretty much kiss it goodbye.

It stopped me playing with lighters, but did drive me to fulfilling my curiosity re: fire by playing with paper matches instead, in my parents room, on a 70s-tastic shag-pile carpet...

Moral - tell it straight, or they'll burn you in your sleep

Overheal

I always wanted the Ninja Turtle Blimp toy...

http://www.tmnttoys.com/blimp.jpg

.... for 2 years anytime my parents wanted me upstairs theyd send my 2 brothers after me who would then convince me time and again that they finally got me the blimp and its right upstairs!!!

It was always bath time. There was never a f*cking blimp.

Then anytime you get scared you of course look to your older brothers to help you out: what you dont realise till youre older is they are only out to torture the sh*te out of you. I once picked up a phobia of our house being swallowed up by tornados anytime I heard the wind howling against the windows. God that was the good fear - the kind where you cant scream youre so paralyzed. Ahhh.....
Anyway instead of helping me realise tornados happening in Seattle are about as rare as me sprouting a vagina, my brothers told me gruesome details of the arcs of lighting, pits of molten lava and all manner of satanic demon that awaited me if I ever got sucked into the middle of one which according to them used to happen all the time right before I was born.

I dont generally talk to my brothers now, as a rule...

event

mate of mine was told when he was young that if the ice cream van played music, it meant he had no ice cream left

his parents were mean

Cianos

A friend of mine came rushing in to his mates little brother to tell him that he just heard on the news the Tellytubbies were all killed in a plane crash. Poor guy was devastated.

RonMexico

Overheal wrote: »

I always wanted the Ninja Turtle Blimp toy...

http://www.tmnttoys.com/blimp.jpg

.... for 2 years anytime my parents wanted me upstairs theyd send my 2 brothers after me who would then convince me time and again that they finally got me the blimp and its right upstairs!!!

It was always bath time. There was never a f*cking blimp.

I got one.

Overheal

RonMexico wrote: »

I got one.

share?

milli

Thankfully this didn't happen to me but they were talking about this one day on the radio and one girl said her parents told her she was only there for spare parts - she used to freak out any time any of her brothers and sisters got sick!

RonMexico

Overheal wrote: »

share?

You know I was just wondering where it was the other day. i think it is in the attic along with the rest of the turtles. I had the helicopter too. Wonder if they are worth anything?

RonMexico

My Dad once told me that licking the top of a D battery was great fun. The bastard I can still get the sensation to this day.

Femelade

My friend is thinking of taking her 4 yr old son to euro disney in paris, but telling him he is in america!!

iguana

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tj3MD3qgSZg

Overheal

RonMexico wrote: »

You know I was just wondering where it was the other day. i think it is in the attic along with the rest of the turtles. I had the helicopter too. Wonder if they are worth anything?

try ebay.

who wants to loan me $4000?

http://search.ebay.com/search/%2Fninja-turtle_W0QQ_trksidZm37QQdfspZ1QQfromZR40QQfsooZ2QQfsopZ3QQsbrsrtZd

the blimp not so much: http://search.ebay.com/search/search.dll?sofocus=bs&sbrftog=1&from=R10&_trksid=m37&satitle=ninja+turtle+blimp&sacat=-1%26catref%3DC6&sargn=-1%26saslc%3D2&sadis=200&fpos=ZIP%2FPostal&sabfmts=1&saobfmts=insif&ftrt=1&ftrv=1&saprclo=&saprchi=&fsop=3%26fsoo%3D2&fgtp=

Solarball10

Santa Claus of course! Poor kids are made fools of

Solarball10

Overheal wrote: »

santa is real whatrya ballin about

I know - I couldn't believe it either! And guess what - NEITHER IS THE TOOTH FAIRY!! :mad:

Pherekydes

ozzyoh wrote: »

Santa Claus of course! Poor kids are made fools of

Rich ones, too.

arybvtcw0eolkf

the dee wrote: »

What's the best / worst lie you were told as a child, or tell to your children.

I remember being traumatised by my dad when I was about 6. I used to ask him to get me a pony every day. One day he came home, I asked if he'd gotten me a pony yet. He said yes, it's tied to the tree in the garden. I ran out and into the garden - no pony. He told me it must have run away. I was in bits.

!

LMAO..

Now that was priceless

ScumLord

I thought a two year old to call his arse his elbow and visa versa, then to show people what he learned, the child doesn't know he's arse from his elbow. He was a friends kid and we used to be always doing stuff like that to the poor child but he caught on awful quick and you can't put one over on him at all now.

When we where young the older kids used to ask have you a penis or a vagina, if you said you had a penis they'd point and laugh "ha ha you've got a penis" then you'd say no I've a vagina and it would go around in circles.

Sugar Drunk

RonMexico wrote: »

My Dad once told me that licking the top of a D battery was great fun. The bastard I can still get the sensation to this day.

I LOVE doing that! I used to bite my nails so my dad showed me his mates hand which was missing 2 fingers and told me that it was caused by biting his nails. have never ever bitten my nails since as I still see that guys mangled hand in my head. turned out he had the fingers chopped off in a factory accident

Sugar Drunk

RonMexico wrote: »

My Dad once told me that licking the top of a D battery was great fun. The bastard I can still get the sensation to this day.

I LOVE doing that! I used to bite my nails so my dad showed me his mates hand which was missing 2 fingers and told me that it was caused by biting his nails. have never ever bitten my nails since as I still see that guys mangled hand in my head. turned out he had the fingers chopped off in a factory accident

Blackhorse Slim

When my son was about 6 he was reading the label on a jar of jam, and he asked me what 'stabiliser' was. I told him that it was something to 'stabilise' the other ingredients, so they wouldn't explode.

I didn't know he was going to get in a row with his teacher about it, did I?

Jesus Wept

the dee wrote: »

What's the best / worst lie you were told as a child, or tell to your children.

I remember being traumatised by my dad when I was about 6. I used to ask him to get me a pony every day. One day he came home, I asked if he'd gotten me a pony yet. He said yes, it's tied to the tree in the garden. I ran out and into the garden - no pony. He told me it must have run away. I was in bits.

I had my sister convinced that if she poked the matress on the top bunk from her bottom bunk, her feet would fall off. She believed this till she was 5!

Mairt wrote: »

LMAO..

Now that was priceless

lol+1

He should of gone the extra mile and left a broken bit of rope around the tree and a half eaten apple for effect.

the dee

The-Rigger wrote: »

lol+1

He should of gone the extra mile and left a broken bit of rope around the tree and a half eaten apple for effect.

I bring it up sometimes to make him feel bad. He still thinks it's hilarious though. To this day he is yet to buy me a pony....

MOH

After I'd opened and eaten half a box of sweets that were supposed to be a present for someone else (I thought they were for me), and then repeatedly denied being responsible (although I was the only one who could have done it), my mother told me to stick out my tongue. Then she told me she knew i was lying, because telling a lie gives you a black spot on your tongue.
I believed her for ages, even use my infallible lie detection technique on my friends, smug in the knowledge that they could never outwit me once I looked at their tongue.

Parents can be cruel

the dee

event wrote: »

mate of mine was told when he was young that if the ice cream van played music, it meant he had no ice cream left

his parents were mean

That one's great. For lack of a better phrase LOL!

turnsoutIwas

No idea where I got it from but I used to think that the chimneys in poolbeg were a cloud factory!!

When I was a child, my sister and brother came running into my room, waking me up and telling me it was christmas. It was the middle of March. They told me I had been in a coma.

Or whenever myself and my brother were messing, my mum would tell us she was sending us to an Orphanage. She's walk over, open the phone book, leaf through it and actually find the number for an orphanage. She'd then dial a number, wait, and say, "there's 2 boys that are making too much trouble. Can you take them away?" We'd ball crying pleading for her not to take us. Few years later, we found out she would always ring the automatic time service.

Worked better than a wooden spoon ever would.

Susannahmia

My mam told me that the reason my deadbeat excuse of a father never came to visit me was because he had had a car accident and was afraid of cars. Fell for it until I was about four or five.:(

Similar to the OP. One day when I came home from school, my dad greeted me with a big smile. He told me that there was a surprise waiting for me outside the shed. When I asked him if it was a bike, he said maybe, with a cheeky smile.

Got outside to find a pile of gravel, a wheelbarrow and a shovel. Some surprise.

Or when they'd send me to the shop and start counting, quite slowly, "one.. two.. three". I could not figure out for the life of me how I managed to get to the shop, buy the groceries, and back in 30 seconds.

jimmycrackcorm

When my son asks where he came from, I tell him Tescos, beside the frozen chickens. Tescos are out of babies stock every time we shop.

Twinkers

My Dad used to tell me that there was another little girl called 'Sheila' who was much better behaved than me. Whenever I misbehaved it was a case of "oh dear, Sheila would never do anything like that"

I can still vividly remember the day he said to my Mam "that's it Bernie, get the keys I'm off to get Sheila...."

Cue me behaving much better!

Jackz

"Your mother had an itch. . . . . . in a place that was awkward to reach. . . . . heres a fiver go get yourself whatever you want in the shop."

Overheal

Jackz wrote: »

"Your mother had an itch. . . . . . in a place that was awkward to reach. . . . . heres a fiver go get yourself whatever you want in the shop."

0_o

Toots

Told my younger sister she was adopted and that when she turned 6 her real family were going to come and take her back, and every time someone mentioned her approaching birthday, she would start bawling saying she didn't want to go back to her real mammy and daddy. My mam nearly killed me when she found out:p

Rb

Can't remember any lies I was personally told, but I remember telling my younger brother a bunch when we were kids.

During one of our many, many brawls, I once told him that I was going to have him locked up in a mental institution for the rest of his life as I'd be 18 quicker than he would be which would give me the power to. The poor guy was traumatised by that.

Also quite frequently told him he was adopted, citing proof being that he was the only left handed member of the family. He needed confirmation that he wasn't (though I'm sure he still had his doubts) from my folks over the years.

phasers

you remember that bear, ted off the Den that Ray D'arcy used to wrestle?

I was told it was real
and he and his family would come and eat me and sit on my face
it terrified me

nixion

i remember my mum and dad coming home with my kid sister. my mum had just given birth when i asked her where she got her she told me she had bought her from the hospital

jos28

Everytime we made faces or crossed out eyes, my Mam would tell us that if the wind changed we'd be left like that.
Loadsa big lies about her age as well. Only found out her real age when whe was applying for her pension.
Carrots help you see in the dark.
Eat your crusts, they make your hair curly.
The sound of thunder is just Holy God moving his furniture.
One hours sleep before midnight is worth two hours after midnight ?????

orestes

Me and my three brothers were right little bastards on car trips, and it was always my mother driving while my grandmother was in the passanger seat, so to stop us messing about in the back seat and knocking the **** out of each other they convinced us that my grandmother had eyes in the back of her head. It was years before one of us noticed the mirror in the sun visor.

We also told my younger brother that chickens grew on a chicken-tree since the idea of eating a live animal freaked him out.

GrahamThomas

When I was younger I always wanted to stay up late for the New Years Eve. My mam knew I couldn't stay awake until midnight but she didn't want me to feel like I missed out. So every New Years she would turn all the clocks forward a few hours and have a mock countdown at about 9pm! All the adults would join in, sing Auld Lang Syne, and then i'd be sent off to bed happy as larry while the real celebrations continued downstairs

nixion

jos28 are you from an african back ground? because that first lie is what our parents always told us when we were young down here in kenya. and is still being used.am surprised its also used overseas

Aisling(",)

nixion wrote: »

jos28 are you from an african back ground? because that first lie is what our parents always told us when we were young down here in kenya. and is still being used.am surprised its also used overseas

my ma always used it as did many of my friends parents....even got used in school by teachers...and this is in Dublin

nixion

orestes that lie about your grandma watching you is so funny, i can imagine it happening. you guys might have felt that she was so powerful.

infact when i read it i laughed loud that everone in the internet cafe thought something was wrong with me

longshanks

telling lies makes the little baby jesus cry

whatsgoinon

one chrstmas, i was about 7, I came bouncing into the kitchen with my new toy, showing it off to the parents, my mam was like, is that not your sisters? ha 2 can play at the lying game, I got up in the middle of the night, sister had a better present than me so i just swapped them. I told mam that santa left it for me, she was raging but couldn't do anything about it

jos28

No african connections, all Dubliners. Strange that our parents all told us the same lies. Kenya to Dublin, thats a lot way for a lie to travel.
Another one I thought of - we were never allowed chewing gum, my Mam said it was made out of cats guts !

nixion

i also remeber one which they always told us when we never stopped crying. that they will call the doctor to inject us