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doing the right thing

  • 17-01-2008 10:42am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    i need a bit of advice. i;m 27 years old, and have been with my b/f for 9 months.
    things are great, everything is wonderful, i love him, he is sweet, caring, funny, and i am attracted to him.
    the only thing is that i feel weird about this relationship. i keep wanting to pull out. i was in a long term relationship before him and it was a bad one in the last few years. i didnt plan on falling in love with him, but i'm weird about it, i'm aprehensive about this.

    should i just let him go and try to get over what i;m feeling?


Comments

  • #2
    Cathmandooo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,324 ✭✭✭✭Cathmandooo


    corkgurll wrote: »
    i need a bit of advice. i;m 27 years old, and have been with my b/f for 9 months.
    things are great, everything is wonderful, i love him, he is sweet, caring, funny, and i am attracted to him.
    the only thing is that i feel weird about this relationship. i keep wanting to pull out. i was in a long term relationship before him and it was a bad one in the last few years. i didnt plan on falling in love with him, but i'm weird about it, i'm aprehensive about this.

    should i just let him go and try to get over what i;m feeling?

    Why would you let him go?? :confused: You'll just have to sort out why you feel weird, being burned in a past relationship does affect most of us but you have to learn to get past it. You're very lucky to have this guy, please start appreciating what you've got!

    BTW nobody 'plans' to fall in love :rolleyes:


  • #3
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    corkgurll wrote: »
    but i'm weird about it, i'm aprehensive about this.

    If everything is great, why would you finish with him because of fear?
    At a guess, you had a relationship which turned out badly in the end and you now have brought this to your new relationship.
    At the back of your mind, you have a fear that this is also the way this relationship is going to turn out.
    Thinking like that will self fulfill in the end.
    You did not get fully over the last relationship before getting into this one.


  • #4
    Liam Byrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,163 ✭✭✭✭Liam Byrne


    My two cents:

    Been on the receiving end of this, so it's no fun; but if you're honest with him and don't blow hot/cold for no apparent reason, he'll stand by you if he loves you

    Don't let the old ruined one ruin this for you too.....from what you've posted, he's not the same guy and you know it.


  • #5
    milli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 219 ✭✭milli


    Liam Byrne wrote: »
    My two cents:

    Been on the receiving end of this, so it's no fun; but if you're honest with him and don't blow hot/cold for no apparent reason, he'll stand by you if he loves you

    Don't let the old ruined one ruin this for you too.....from what you've posted, he's not the same guy and you know it.

    Aye words of wisdom here - if you are finding it too much talk to your new bf, tell him how you're feeling so he's not left wondering what the hell he did! It'll just take time to get used to the fact there are some decent men out there.. somewhere!


  • #6
    girliegirl
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 168 ✭✭girliegirl


    I agree with all above, talk to him! and give him a chance, he sounds too good to be true! :)
    Maybe he'll be the one that changes your fears over relationships


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  • #7
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    I would echo what the other posters have written. I think the last relationship is still in your head. While you are well over the last guy, the fallout and what you took from it are still in play now. Too many take the issues of previous relationships into new ones. I've done it myself and it's easy to do. Bad plan. In order to move on and grow, you have to recognise and learn from the old relationship. Otherwise we can be doomed to repeat the mistakes ad nauseum.

    I know a few who have done that time and time again. I know one woman who is married yet in some ways still living through the issues of a relationship from ten years ago. I suspect she may be even with the wrong guy for her because of it.

    The person you should let go is not the current guy, it's the ex and the attachments to same, bad and good. If you leave the current guy, you will regret it. The current relationship may go belly up. Who knows, but if you stay and it does go belly up it'll do so for the right reasons, not the wrong.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    You never know what can happen in life. You may being throwing away the perfect lad for you because you weird and uncomfortable.
    I was the lad 4 years ago and thank god that she wanted to give it another go, we're now due to be married in May and have a lovely baby girl.

    Dont throw anything good away it might not come back for awhile.

    Do the right thing and take care


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