not in love anymore

LegacyUser

I have been going out with my girfriend for close on five years now. I think she is a great person, she is kind and good to me, and good to her family and friends. She has a very good job, and is very good at it.

We are in the process of buying a house and we are due to move onto it in a couple of weeks. We have been working on getting a house for the past three years.

I started going to college again twice a week, and I’m really ejoying the freedom. I feel stronger, smarter than I have felt in a long time.

But, I feel like I am out of love with my girlfriend. There is an empty space where my feelings were for her. It’s been like that a while, and I no longer am attracted to her. I drive to work with her everyday, and home again. We see a lot of one another.

I don’t know what to do. I’m thinking I should carry on, move into the house, and hope my feelings change….but I don’t know.

noker

It is very hard to advise someone on their feelings. You will have to find answer yourself. However if you are not happy in a relationship your partner will notice and both of you will become miserable

Dizzyblonde

You've got to tell her. If you're not completely sure you want to end it and are getting cold feet about buying a house together, then maybe you could try relationship counselling.
But if you're sure it's over then you have to tell her, the sooner the better. She'll be very hurt but not as hurt as if it happened in 5 years' time to find out you haven't loved her for ages. And what if you have kids in the meantime? Weeks can turn into years with these things.
There'll be somebody out there that you can really love, and also somebody who will love your girlfriend in the way she deserves to be loved too.
Good luck.

fits

Its a tough one. I think you have to try and work out if you see a common future with your girlfriend. Then you must decide whether it is worthwhile trying to rekindle the spark, or whether it is best to move on.

The spark fades for most couples after a while. What matters in the long term is friendship and common goals... not to say that the physical side is not important, of course it is, but if everything else is good, that is worth working on.

Its not easy, I know all about it

Beruthiel

stewpidfecker wrote: »

There is an empty space where my feelings were for her. It’s been like that a while, and I no longer am attracted to her. I drive to work with her everyday, and home again. We see a lot of one another..

When you say it's been like that for a while, can you pin point it?
You are going through a lot of life changes.
Buying a house is one of the top three most stressful things we will do in life. On top of that, you are working and attending college.
That's an awful lot on your plate.
When exactly are you having some 'us' time?
Long term relationships exist because the couple make an effort. If you are neglecting yourself and her everything will slide and your relationship will die slowly.
Before you do anything you may regret later, take a cold hard look at the reasons behind this feeling before taking the next step.
Best of luck.

LegacyUser

"However if you are not happy in a relationship your partner will notice and both of you will become miserable"

That's true. She has already said to me that she feels a bit neglected, and that she no longer is made feel special.

dudara

She will feel awful if you continue to withdraw from her without telling her why.

You've been together a while and now you've made a commitment in the form of a house. You're busy with college as well and you're being exposed to a student-type lifecycle which conflicts with the life you share with her.

Take some time out to think about the relationship. Do you think that it's dead in the water, or do you think that making some time in your life for your relationship will help it?

LegacyUser

dudara wrote: »

She will feel awful if you continue to withdraw from her without telling her why.

You've been together a while and now you've made a commitment in the form of a house. You're busy with college as well and you're being exposed to a student-type lifecycle which conflicts with the life you share with her.

Take some time out to think about the relationship. Do you think that it's dead in the water, or do you think that making some time in your life for your relationship will help it?

I still love her. Just thinking about it now, I couldn't bear it without her.

dudara

I'm glad to hear it. It means that you still want to make it work.

So now, think about what you two can do together that will help both of you feel special.

How about a weekend away somewhere? Find some hotel and book in. My partner and I do this fairly regularly. It just gets you of the normal weekend rut that it is very easy to fall into.

Dizzyblonde

Stewpidfecker wrote: »

I still love her. Just thinking about it now, I couldn't bear it without her.

I'm really glad for you and now you've realised how you feel, make an effort to work harder at it. It's too easy to get bogged down in the day-to-day stuff and not take time out for yourselves.
As someone said, a weekend break would be good, spoil yourselves and put the romance back into it.
Good luck.

smurfbaby

stewpidfecker wrote: »

I drive to work with her everyday, and home again. We see a lot of one another.

It sounds like you spend a lot of time together and this could be aggravting the way you are feeling. Is there any way either of you could make alternative travel arrangements? This way you might actually look forward to getting home and seeing her in the evenings. Also do you spend a lot of your free time together? Maybe you should try to spend more time with your friends, family, college mates etc so that when you do spend time with your girlfriend you actually appreciate and enjoy her company

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for the advice. I'm going to go home tonight, run a bath for her, and have a talk.

Overheal

Stop by the shop and get the good bubbles and some tea candles