Bit of bother

MayoForSam

We are having a bit of trouble with our 4 1/2 year old boy at play school. My wife was called aside by the teacher this morning and was informed about my son's excessively aggressive behavior towards the other kids (more verbal than physical mind). He is quite bossy and if things aren't going his way, he threatens to shoot or kill the child in question. He has a fascination for weapons including guns and knives. In fact, he loves creating guns out of other objects too (his creative side coming out I guess).

I suppose I am partly to blame, I'm afraid on occasion over the past year or so he has sat down to watch me play the Xbox and some of the games are definitely over the top in terms of gun usage and violence. I have stopped doing this now but he does my head in sometimes wanting to play 'the violent games' when I come in from work.

His behavior at home was quite bad for the past 6 months or so, shouting abuse at myself and my wife, fighting and punching his big sister. Since the new year we have put a 'black marks / gold star' chart up on the fridge i.e. reward for gold stars, nothing or punishment for black marks recorded and it does seem to be working - he is slower to fly off the handle and enjoys doing small jobs for praise and reward. In some ways he has an excess of energy and seems to be happiest when he is stimulated during active play (he loves playing outside but not possible this time of year alas).

So has anyone any advice? We are meant to set up a meeting with the play school teacher to discuss a plan of action. My hope is that it's only a phase he's going through and if we keep him away from the violent video games and TV, he should calm down after a while.

Nevyn

Does he know that you ( his parents ) and his school/teacher are in touch ?

If coudl be that he thinks what goes on in school is seperate from what goes on at home.
Letting him know what behaviour is expected in school and that Teacher and parents communicate was a big 'oh I see' with both my kids.

I agree with not playing FPS around young kids, we had issue with this with my son and his father letting him watch and play battlefield, it took some work to explain that shooting people is not normal and in real life there is no respawn and other children/adults get upset when he makes statements about blowing people up or running them over in a tank.

I did a 5 rules with my kids for when they are going into school

1st finger teacher is in charge,
2nd finger stay in your place
3rd finger do good work
4th finger be kind to the other children ( this can be expanded on with him )
5th have fun learning

I would run down this with them on the way into school.

Going over what the 4th rule means and that he had to be nice and not upset other kids is important.

The frist year with both of mine was bedlam but they do settle eventually.

Kernel32

This is an area I have had a small brush with lately. My son luckily has never been an aggressive child and was at the opposite end of the spectrum when he was even younger(he is 5 now). We had to help him with telling other kids not to do that when they would hurt him or something. He came along really well at it and will talk up no problem now. We have never been a big TV family and very limited on what he sees but yet he also has a fascination with guns and bombs. His little sister who is nearly two has met many a nasty end in his little games, all playing though, nothing physical.

Occasionally I play Halo on my PC but usually never in front of the kids. A couple of weeks back I was playing and he walked in and I let him watch. He was completely riveted by it. I stopped playing after he started asking me if the red was blood that came from me or the other people. This literally all took place in less than 10 minutes. The next thing I know he is mimicking what he saw with his sister. The next day I asked him about school as I always do and he said he played the game with his friends in the playground. That was the result of 10 minutes exposure, and not even him playing!

My point is this stuff has a big impact on a young mind. All kids of this age have huge amounts of energy as far as I can tell. My son came comes home from school at 3:45 and yesterday immediately went outside and played with his friends in the snow for 2 hours and was still jumping around when he came in. So my advice is do what your doing. Cut the games out completely. Cut the TV even or at least keep it very limited and know exactly what he is watching. Look at his diet too, that can have a big impact on his mood, ups and downs from sugar intake etc.

di11on

Just thought I'd bump this thread. I'm really grateful to the people who've posted on it so far. This is really a dimension to parenting that this generation are facing up to for this first time. I think we should all be aware of the profound impact tv and games can have on young chlidlren. Reading the previous posts has been an eye opener for me... just 10 minutes watching can have such a dramatic impact!

I've been guilty of letting my 4 year old watch me playing (nothing gorey) but still - the impact is dramatic. A few minutes of me playing a flight sim and she's asking, "Dad, what's an enemy"...

BostonB

Perhaps you could invite kids around and try teach him to interact better. Show him what works and what doesn't. Quite smart. I find when they start acting up, spending as much time as possible with them works well. Bad weather shouldn't stop you. Bit of rain gear boots and go have an adventure!

Kids are like sponges, so I would cut out violent games. Even a lot of cartoons and movies which you think are aimed at kids are violent. PG is there for a reason.

niceirishfella

You have nothing to worry about...........you seem like good parents and you'll take corrective measures like any good guardian.

he'll grow out of it soon. My young fella grows in and out of stuff all the time!

rosarosa

hi OP,.....I think that you are right to try and minimise the amount of television, games, etc, that your son watches. I think it's wonderful that you are able to observe your child and try to understand the problem, as I think that it is very hard to keep track of children these days with most parents busy during the day and so tired by the time they get home. I know I am!

I do believe the term "Idiot-box" has some real meaning. The stuff on television now is apalling and my own opinion is that most console games are rated too low for this over-sensitised (sp?) generation of kids.

I strongly believe age-restrictions are really important to monitor, especially when it comes to language and violence. I've never understood why it seems people are more free about violent films where people get shot/stabbed/hacked to death, but get strait-laced and strict about nudity, which I think is a lot less harmless. well....

there's something to be said for less T.V time at the end of the day. When I was a child, I was only allowed to watch T.V for 1 and 1/2 hours a day, the rest of the time was for playing, doing homework, whatever....I'd like to supervise my son the same way, but there are some tantrums to get through first!