Beelzebub is my Roommate

popecatapetal

Hi there. This is going to be a bit long - I need to rant.

I'm in a bit of a pickle at the moment. I'm sharing a single-room apartment with a girl I know from college. We were great friends last year, in the same house but different rooms. So this year we decided to get a room together, and all was gravy for the fist week. Then she started smoking in the house, despite the landlord's one and only rule - no smoking. I put up with it for a while, cos I considered this girl a good friend. But then I got a chest infection, so I asked her if she wouldn't mind smoking in the specially-designed heated covered smoking passage, right outside the door.

She flipped. Totally lost it. She said I had known since last year that she smoked, and what did she expect was going to happen, that she was going to change? Then she accused me of faking the chest infection to make her stop (I was on a 10 day course of antibiotics, steroids for my asthma, and I'm still on a steroid inhaler, 4 months later, and probably will be for life)

Eventually, after much hysterics, she agreed to not smoke inside. From the smell, I'm pretty sure she still does it when I'm not there, but I've no proof, so I haven't mentioned it.

I didn't really talk to her too much over the next few weeks. She was bringing friends over for DVD nights more and more often - it had been once a week at the start of the year, now it was 3 or 4 nights a week. I asked her if she could warn me ahead of time, and check if it was okay to bring people over, in case I was going to be studying or anything. She agreed.

The next week, she was seeming more friendly than usual. We watched tv and chatted one night. She bitched to me about her turbulent love life, I bitched to her about the ten assignments I had the next week. The next day I came home and started studying for my tests. I got a text from her saying she was at our bus stop with a bunch of friends, and they were coming over for a party. I didn't even have a chance to reply to her text before they got to our apartment.

I was a little annoyed, to say the least. I went down and asked if I could have a word with her, but she just said "in a little while!" and carried on making noise. Eventually I said to her that I was studying, and could they not go somewhere else, and she screamed at me for getting cross with her in front of her friends.

And so on.

I've been home for Christmas the last month. It's been the best month of my life, not having to put up with her. I have to go back up at the weekend, cos college starts on monday, and I am absolutely dreading it. I want to drop out rather than go back to that apartment.

I've tried to find someone to move in instead of her, but haven't had many takers. After further thought, I've decided that it's probably good that I haven't found anyone, as the month's notice I would have to give this girl would probably be the worst month ever, with all the crap she would put me through.

Basically, I'm just ranting, but I'm also looking for advice - has anyone any ideas for dealing with her? Thank you in advance for any help, and apologies for the post length...

Cianos

Sounds like you're letting yourself be walked all over. Don't put up with it. I don't know how you will do this in practice, that's best decided by yourself. But she is doing all these things because she knows she can get away with it. Tell her that you don't want to live with her any more, and that one of you has to go. Try and address this in a calm manner...don't accuse her of anything, or give her an excuse to flip the lid. Just tell her that one of you has to go, that it's obviously not going to work out, and take it from there. I'm sure she has felt the vibe too so she will probably see it coming.

Overheal

Seems like January is the month everyone decides to move out of their current lodgings for newer frontiers...

In fairness I think its ridiculous. I have smoking friends and they dont mind a flying toss about going outside for their fix. I wouldnt like her attitude to be honest. As for the friends thing that is a bit much: I wouldnt expect her to plan fun ahead of time really - **** happens - but to be honest how much noise is she making? In most cases its a matter of headphones and music. But thats me, im a guy, and as i understand it the way we choose to hear noise is wired differently to our better halves... Either way she can stand to tone down the volume and you can stand to be a little more tolerant of the noise. Id fight the smoke heavily though.

PixelTrawler

I'm tired and its late so I'll keep it short:)

Do all of the following and you wont regret it (probably)
The solution is relatively simple, if a bit of a pain - however its probably worth it


a) Move out of apartment
b) Do give months notice but move out at once - once a new place is arranged of course
c) You will have to rent two places at once for a month perhaps - take the hit on this cost - whats the price on your sanity - its worth it
d) Enjoy your new found piece of mind away from the dragon

Talking to her and trying to resolve the issue wont work - it'll just cause untold annoyance and distress and whatever u do dont drop out over this clown

Hope it all works out

oh www.daft.ie - get started

popecatapetal

Unfortunately I am the only tenant of the apartment - she is a sub-tenant, paying the rent to me. Which means that if I move out, she has to move out too, and I'm probably stuck paying the rent for THREE apartments at once - mine, hers, and the new one...

To Overheal, I have tried with the headphones and the music etc, but it's a tiny apartment - two levels, not seperated from eachother by anything more than a floor, so no walls. She has nine or ten people downstairs, all drinking and shouting, with the DVD up to max so they can hear it over the shouting... It's ridiculous... And I know advance notice of friends coming over is too much to ask, but I just want her to give me enough time to get out of the house before the buses stop running, so I can go to my boyfriend's place and study...

Overheal

To be fair, college is the best place to study (thats how i find it anyway) - the dedicated computers, course books, quiet-rooms, internet, etc... I find it difficult to work at the house.

Obviously I dont know for all colleges but ITC's study facilities remain open until nearly 2200. I assume its the case in most institutes?

You could also try the right pair of phones - anything that claims to have Noise Cancelling Technology might be a boon. I wear little else.

If you're the tenant you can always evict her... Not everyone can afford to move however. I for one am in a bind for money and regarding deposits and all that - moving houses mid year can be costly as I'm figuring out.

Anytime you really need sleep or study however: sabotage the Hi-Fi equipment. Rob the power cords; hide the player; or better yet swap out the existing SCART cable with a faulty one - they never figure it out and give up. Just buy some cheap spare cables and tear out some of the connector pins. Suddenly they have **** all to do at your place and go someplace 'better'

ztoical

I had something like this happen to me my second year in college. I had shared a two bedroom apartment with my cousin the first year but the second year he moved out so I stuck up a sign in the college, figured I might as well get some I'd more in common with [cousin was 10 years older, finished college and working full time].

Ended up sharing with a guy who was friend of a friend so knew his name but not much else. First few weeks were ok, he was a bit clingy but nothing major then it went down hill - wanted us to walk to college together [even thou we were on different courses and had different time tables] wanted me to meet him for lunch in the college, couldn't go out the door without him wanting to come. I found out he was suffering from depression and would come home in a funk and want me to listen to him, this started happening ever day - I was 18 and wanted to just enjoy college. I ended spending all my time in the cinema or locked in my bedroom. Apartment was in my name so I told him I didn't think it was working out and he should look for somewhere else, he said find but didn't do anything. Eventually my friend saw I was becoming a wreck and came over and told him to get out in two weeks or he'd kick him out. And he was gone in a week.

I know we all want to mature and be able to sort our issues out by talking but with something like this I don't think it ever works out, you need to be able to relax in your own space and even if you talk it out, you'll be walking round each other on egg shells until something else goes wrong. I've seen lots of friends suffer from bad roomates - the most extreme is my friend who was sharing with a girl who got into a row with him over her not cleaning up after herself [she was really dirty] and she called the police and told them he had tired to rape her. It was her word vs his, its was an awful time for him, even after she admitted it was bull, he still had to go to court and its still in his file.

I know thats thats extreme but things can get that bad really quick if your not careful.

Toots

popecatapetal wrote: »

Unfortunately I am the only tenant of the apartment - she is a sub-tenant, paying the rent to me. Which means that if I move out, she has to move out too, and I'm probably stuck paying the rent for THREE apartments at once - mine, hers, and the new one...

If you are her landlord, lay down the law. Tell her that the indoor smoking and partying has to stop or she will have to find somewhere of her own. At the end of the day, if the landlord has said no smoking and your name is on the lease, it is you that will have to deal with any smoking related problems like if she drops a ciggie and burns a hole in the couch etc (it happens). If you do want her to move out, do the decent thing and give her a months notice, it's up to her to find alternative lodgings within that time, you are under no obligation to pay rent on her new place and don't let her bully you into it. She sounds like a really inconsiderate person tbh.

pete4130

She is YOUR sub-tenant. LAW the law down. Tell her its you way or the highway. Simple as! Be prepared to lose her as a "friend" though.
Your other option is to give the Landlord a months notice on the sly and simply just move out when she's not there. Granted you may not be allowed to sub-let and may lose your deposit, but for peace of mind and to be away from her.
See her in college and be polite to her if she talks to you. Be prepared for her bitching at you/about you to other people to make you seem like the guilty party...she seems the type to do something patheti, petty and childish like that (or you could wait a few weeksand put your own subterfuge in with other college friends saying she is a psycho and you plan to just move out?).

estar

you could always say to her that she takes on the lease and you
are giving her one months notice. and have started advertising.

contact the landlord first and tell him.

move in with like minded people who want a quiet 9-5.

post grads. most of them study.