Confucious says

dak

A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.
- A girl's best asset is her 'lie'ability.
- America good place to put Chinese restaurants
- Before becoming master fisherman, must be master baiter
- Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk.
- Better to sleep with chicken than to choke it
- Boiling water, very hot
- Boy and girl go camping together sure to have naughty intent.
- Butcher who backs into meat grinder get a little behind in his orders.
- Chemist who fall in acid, absorbed in work.
- Crowded elevator smells different to midget.
- Don't drink and park, accidents cause people.
- Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert.
- Fool climb tree to find cherry---wise man spread limbs
- Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy.
- Girl who is wallflower at party is dandelion in bed.
- Girl who sits on judges lap get honorable discharge.
- Girl who slide down banister nude get splinter by crackey!
- Girl with back to fire warming whole of her body
- He who eat ice cream in car is a Sundae Driver.
- He who eats crackers in bed get crummy sleep.
- He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.
- He who fishes in another man's well often catches crab.
- He who live in glass house consumate in basement as well
- He who lives in glass house dresses in basement.
- He who outruns the cheetah is very fast on his feet.
- He who pick bum have smelly finger
- He who refuses to listen is lying.
- He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.
- He who sniffs coke drowns.
- Hockey player on ice have big stick.
- House without toilet is uncanny.
- If chain still swinging, seat will be warm.
- If you turn an oriental around, he become disoriented.
- If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient.
- Keeping it in family sure sound incestuous.
- Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.
- Man have more hair on chest than woman, but on the whole woman have more!
- Man should never straddle barbed wire fences
- Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.
- Man who abuse his computer get bad bytes!
- Man who argue with wife all day get no peace at night.
- Man who bounce woman on bedspring this spring have offspring next spring.
- Man who date flat-chested girl have good reason to feel low-down
- Man who dream of eating giant mushroom---wake up with no pillow.
- Man who drive like hell bound to get there!
- Man who drop watch in toilet have ****ty time.
- Man who eat jellybean fart in technicolor.
- Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
- Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
- Man who fly plane upside down have crackup.
- Man who get paid pick up chick.
- Man who goes to bed with cigarette wake up dead.
- Man who go out with flat chested woman feel shallow.
- Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake with smelly finger.
- Man who go to bed with sex on mind wake up with solution in hand.
- Man who jizz in cash register come into money.
- Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion!
- Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!
- Man who lay maiden in pantry get ass in jam.
- Man who lifts stones off woman get rocks off.
- Man who lose key to apartment not get new key.
- Man who lose key to girlfriend's apartment get no nukey!
- Man who piss into wind always get his own back
- Man who pull a fast one leave rubber behind
- Man who pulls on woman's bra-strap may get bust in mouth.
- Man who put head on Rail Road track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.
- Man who read woman like book, prefer braille!
- Man who run behind car get exhausted.
- Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
- Man who screws cook in pantry often gets ass in jam.
- Man who sells Kotex, is crack salesman.
- Man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink.
- Man who sit on tack get point!
- Man who sleeps with old hen finds it's better than pullet.
- Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters into his own hands.
- Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloons.
- Man who stand on toilet get high on pot.
- Man who sucks nipples---make clean breast of things.
- Man who take woman on camping trip have one intent.
- Man who tell one to many light bulb jokes soon burn out!
- Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
- Man with athletic fingers make Broad Jump!
- Man with hand in bush not necessarily trimming shrubs.
- Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
- Man with one chopstick go hungry.
- Naked man fears no pick pocket.
- Never eat yellow snow.
- Never raise hands to angry child---it leave groin exposed.
- Panties not best thing on earth---but next to it.
- Passionate kiss like spider's web - soon lead to undoing of fly.
- Pentecostal who pass out get laid in church.
- Sailor who get discharged from Navy feel sad to leave buddies behind.
- Seven days of honeymoon make one whole weak.
- Squirrel lay on rock and crack nuts, man lay on crack and rock nuts.
- Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.
- Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!
- The hand that turneth the knob opens the door
- Those who make love in strawberry patch have butt in jam.
- To make egg roll, push it.
- To prevent hangover stay drunk!
- Virgin like balloon--one prick, all gone.
- Virgin with thimble on finger never feel prick.
- War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left
- Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.
- When baby cry, give bust in face.
- When in doubt, whip it out.
- When lady says no, she mean maybe. When lady say maybe, she mean yes. When lady say yes, she no lady
- Wife for life is better than wife for strife
- Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
- Wise man never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
- Woman is like jazz music---3/4 jazz time and 1/4 rag time.
- Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary
- Woman who dance while wearing a jock strap have make believe ballroom.
- Woman who fly air plane up-side down, have big crack up!
- Woman who go to man's apartment for snack may get tit bit.
- Woman who put detergent on top shelf, Jump for Joy.
- Woman who spend much time on bedspring may get offspring.
- Woman who wears padded bra, makes mountains out of molehills
- Woman with bleached blonde hair have black hair by cracky.
- Woman with cold hands have fire under skirt.