Everything's going wrong for me

LegacyUser

A few things are going wrong in my life at the moment and I really don't know how to deal with them or how to cope. Would appreciate any advice.

1. This weekend someone started a bunch of rumours about me that have resulted in me effectively being kicked out of my group of friends. People that I've been friends with for years believe the rumours and won't speak to me, most people in my wider social circle now think I'm an attention-seeking liar. The few people who are still talking to me I don't trust, because there's a good chance that it was one of them who started the rumours. Over the course of the weekend I've basically lost all my friends. I can't believe this is happening, I thought I left this kind of crap behind in school. I am 23 and the other people involved are 18-30, mostly in their early 20s.

2. My boyfriend is going through one of his weird reticent moods where he doesn't want to talk to anyone, and as such is completely unsupportive and no help at all.

3. I hate my college course and wish i hadn't started it.


I just don't know what to do. I effectively have no friends now, and I can't trust anyone. I feel like getting up in the morning is completely pointless because I have nothing worth doing any more. I feel like I've lost everything that made life worth living. I have no idea how to cope.

meditraitor

Lonely667 wrote: »

A few things are going wrong in my life at the moment and I really don't know how to deal with them or how to cope. Would appreciate any advice.

1. This weekend someone started a bunch of rumours about me that have resulted in me effectively being kicked out of my group of friends. People that I've been friends with for years believe the rumours and won't speak to me, most people in my wider social circle now think I'm an attention-seeking liar. The few people who are still talking to me I don't trust, because there's a good chance that it was one of them who started the rumours. Over the course of the weekend I've basically lost all my friends. I can't believe this is happening, I thought I left this kind of crap behind in school. I am 23 and the other people involved are 18-30, mostly in their early 20s.

2. My boyfriend is going through one of his weird reticent moods where he doesn't want to talk to anyone, and as such is completely unsupportive and no help at all.

3. I hate my college course and wish i hadn't started it.


I just don't know what to do. I effectively have no friends now, and I can't trust anyone. I feel like getting up in the morning is completely pointless because I have nothing worth doing any more. I feel like I've lost everything that made life worth living. I have no idea how to cope.

Seems like your depressed, go see your doctor and have a chat.

Teddi

Hi lonely, very sorry to hear of your predicament....

in all honesty, your friends seem like a bunch of tossers to take the side of a rumour over the actual friend involved, sorry If that sounds harsh but its plain to see. If things are genuine on your side of things, dont worry, rumours usually get found out and you'll have them by the tonne load running back to you apologising.

Never ever think you have no-one to talk to, Ive thought like that in the past and it destroyed some situations I was in. If you can't talk to your mum or dad, ring the smaritans, Ive done this on atleast 3 occasions and they do help, Dont think only people in really bad situations contact such organisations, Anyone can, you can spill your heart out to them and they are very understanding and will try to help and level your thoughts out.

http://www.samaritans.org/

regarding your college course, theres a guidance councellor in your college and they can help you with this, maybe even a careers guidance councellor......have a talk with them, they can give you un-biased opinions of what may suit you better in relation to your skills etc.

I know you feel like ****e at the moment but these things are only phases, k? and they have a life span, just keep remembering that this is blow over in time..nothings permanent.

Hope that helped

teddi.

tbh

The problem is that your perspective is being coloured by the sheer mass of problems you face. One by one, you'd probably be more able to cope, but you are being overwhelmed. None of the problems you are having will be problems in a couple of years, so keep things in perspective.

1. Talk to your friends, tell them you didn't do whatever you are accused to doing, and ask them to make a choice. Think of it as applying a "true friend" filter. You may lose some of your mates, but you won't lose ALL of them - and if they are prepared to believe some rumour, then you're better off knowing. These things take time. Be patient, and accept whatever happens. It'll be like shedding old skin in time

2. You need to decide if you are going to put up with your boyfriend going off on these moods. If his other qualities mean that they are worth putting up with, then try and be patient. However, explain to him that, although you know he's feeling down, you'd appreciate it if he could make a special effort just this once. His responce will give you a guide as to how he feels, and the worth he's assigned you. Maybe he could do with chatting with a doctor as well, sounds like it could be a physical thing.

3. Why did you take the course you did? Do you hate the whole field or just the specific course?What stage are you at? Start looking for soloutions to this, break it down into small steps - identify a course you want, find out how to apply etc etc.


all things shall pass. Just be patient.

Wibbs

tbh's post could hardly improved upon. 3 nails on the head. Look at the situations on an individual basis. It'll reduce the workload on your head.

Mr. Incognito

my dad's dying of cancer and is in intensive care right now- I'll swap you.

1. Your real mate's will come around. Anyone that doesn't even hear you out isn't a mate imo and you're better off without them. Time will sort this out

2. Get a new boyfriend. Turtle power has never been an attractive trait, or at least talk to him- this you can action.

3. Everyone hates their college course. It's supposed to be difficult. Just get through it and you can move on. Yopu're only thinking this anyway because you're stressed and it snow-balls.

You sound too highly stressed right now so find something that relaxes you and just take a few deep breaths and tackle them one at a time.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies guys. Yiz are right that I'm overwhelmed at the moment -- I know I could cope with any one of these problems on its own -- losing my friends wouldn't be so bad if I could hang out with my bf and throw myself into college work that I enjoyed, etc. The college thing has been going on for a good while but I was able to deal with it by making sure I enjoyed my life outside college, kept myself busy, spent lots of time with my friends, etc etc. It just seems like everything is going wrong all at once now though and I have no area of my life to take refuge in any more.

1) I know I will sort stuff out with one of my friends, but I'm pretty sure the rest of them are lost causes, and I won't be able to hang out with the group again. The friend that I will sort stuff out with even posted a message this morning on a message board we all frequent saying "unfortunately [my name] will no longer be participating in [group activity]. We wish her all the best for the future." Even if I persuaded everyone that the rumours aren't true, I know for a fact that some people in the group have been lying about me to the others, so even if they would have me back at this stage I wouldn't want to go back. It's just so heartbreaking though -- years of friendship just destroyed in one weekend, it's like going through multiple breakups at once.

2) Myself and the boyfriend haven't been together very long so i don't really want to be putting pressure on him to be there for me. I think he is worth hanging on to.. this is the first time he's done this and I really freaked out at first because my ex used do it a lot and I couldn't handle it and eventually broke up with him partly due to it. But this guy is a million times awesomer than my ex in every way (more fun, smarter, better looking, better ride, better cook, way more affectionate towards me up till now), and I made him promise me that if he was behaving weirdly towards me because he wasn't that into me any more, that he would just be straight with me and not make excuses, and he said he would. I suppose it's a little scary because our relationship got very intense very quickly and I'm a bit worried that it can't last or that it'll burn itself out quickly too. All I can do is cross my fingers I suppose, and hope that this phase of his doesn't last longer than I can handle. (FWIW, I talked to my ma about it and I really thought she was going to roll her eyes and say "I can't believe you're going out with ANOTHER headcase" but she actually said "It's just a man thing, your father used to do it, a lot of my friends' husbands do it, just go off and not talk to you for a few days.. They're just not as verbal as we are.")

3)I have ten weeks of classes left in college, then exams, after which I can leave with a grad dip or go on and do the summer project and get my masters. I don't think there's any point leaving with so little time left, but so much of it is just soul-destroying. I did four years of college in a subject I loved but could never get a job out of, and I'm doing this for purely monetary reasons -- to be able to get a half-decent job with the combination of qualifications I'll have at the end. Some of it's not so bad but loads of it I just flat out hate, and it's really hard to work on stuff I'm not interested in. My marks have been really high so far for all except one of eight modules, but I don't know how long I can keep it up.

estar

when people spread lies and rumours - do not engage the lie. state your case, but dont try and persuade. the truth usually comes out in the end.i know its hurtful to lose your friends. its probable you havent lost all of them. you dont mention what the rumours are or what they are about. people who write other people off at the slightest hint of a rumour are not your friends. its hurtful. but they sound particularly self absorbed and silly. maybe when they have grown up a bit and lost a few more friends from their group they will learn compassion and resolving issues
sensibly. how very childish they sound. if they really believe horrible things about you then they are not worth it. when things like this happen perhaps the best thing to do is retreat to your family, if you can count on support from them. or another old friend. look at your support network again and search out some sensible advice from those around you. your college will also have a counselling service. sometimes it can be good to talk it out with someone impartial and objective.

the boyfriend - perhaps he has something big going on also. ask him to take you out for a drink to take your mind off both his moodiness and your sh&te friends.

the college course. many people pick courses that they lose interest in. grit your teeth, do your best, finish the course while investigating conversion courses of which there are many. its always better to start what you finish
unless it is hopelessly long and specialised - medicine - and you really really hate it, in which case there is always a way to skin a cat - meaning there is always a way out of a situation if you approach it in a calm manner.

keep telling yourself that you are a good person, and rise above these people.
you can do better.