What's behind this comment?

LegacyUser

This is my first post here, I'd like some advice but will try and cut out anything that's not relevant and make it short!

Firstly I'm 20. I've been friends with this girl for 4 years at this stage. In school, we were both part of the same group of friends, were often in each others houses with other friends or over at our other friends' houses. I have always had a bit of a thing for her, but never really pursued it much, just what I thought I could get away with without showing the extent of my true feelings, nothing too obvious.

So we both ended up going to college in different places. We still remained good friends, but just wouldn't see each other as much as before. As in she was still close enough to ask me for advice with her relationship: about this time last year, she had been with a guy for a bit, but things were a bit shaky and she confided this in me. I tried to help her out and gave her some advice.

So, last summer, we're out together one night, with other friends of ours. We're both a little bit tipsy, not drunk by any means. At one point during the night, when we weren't near anyone else she says to me "You know, my mom would love if I married you." As far as I recall, it came in the middle of other conversation, and wasn't out of the blue, but I was a bit surprised by it and just laughed it off.
Then a couple of weeks back, she was having a going away party as she was going to college abroad for 5 months. During the evening, she calls me aside as she said she hadn't gotten a chance to chat to me yet. So we're having a drink, chatting away to each other, and again in the course of conversation, she again says "My mom thinks I should marry you". Again, it wasn't completely unnatural in the flow of conversation, but I think I should just laughed it off again.

I'm wondering what, if anything, is behind these comments. Both times it came as we were having a chat as friends, no flirting going on from me (or her as far as I could tell) but we had both had a few drinks at the times. She's been on and off with the guy I mentioned previously for a bit over a year. Even though it appears more on of late, she would still class herself as single. And now she's gone away for several months. When she called me aside, she did say how special I was to her and she'd love for me to visit, which may have been the main reason for calling me aside. I'd really appreciate any of your takes on the situation! Sorry about the length/scattered thoughts!

TouchingVirus

Make sure to visit her - see what happens

GrumPy

The girl obviously considers you a great friend, and her mother thinks your ideal for her daughter I guess!

I think there could be something there, It's a possibility, your friendship may develop into something else.

minidazzler

Once could be put down to the drink. Twice means I really think this girl likes you as more than a friend and was testing the water to see what you would say about it.

greenkittie

I think it means she thinks of you as a nice guy she would like to end up with just before she hits 30 after shes gone traveling and had her naughty way with all the bad boys out there...

Toots

THB, it sounds like this girl likes you as more than a friend. Make sure you visit her when she's away! I think she said what she said to kinda test the water and see what way u reacted ie: If you'd gone 'Oh Jesus, that's a terrible idea! It'd be like marrying my sister! Ewwww!!' She'd have known you weren't keen on the idea :rolleyes:

Would you be open to the idea of a relationship with this girl? Visit her, and see how things go when you do. As I said, it sounds to me like this girl has stronger feelings for you.

TouchingVirus

Toots85 wrote: »

THB, it sounds like this girl likes you as more than a friend. Make sure you visit her when she's away! I think she said what she said to kinda test the water and see what way u reacted ie: If you'd gone 'Oh Jesus, that's a terrible idea! It'd be like marrying my sister! Ewwww!!' She'd have known you weren't keen on the idea :rolleyes:

Would you be open to the idea of a relationship with this girl? Visit her, and see how things go when you do. As I said, it sounds to me like this girl has stronger feelings for you.

You elaborated better than I did - but I agree with ya

Wibbs

Ask her straight out. Sound too simple? It is and then you know what's what and you can end up going with her or you have a bit of mutual embarrassment and continue on as before. If you don't ask you'll never know.

Bob in Belfast

You should ask this girl out but if she says no, i reckon you're in with the mother.

Wibbs

Funny stuff there Bob in Belfast. Chill it. Do not give me my first scalp as mod.;)

His first bit is right on the money though. That's a majority vote in favour of telling her.

LegacyUser

I reckon she may think you are Gay!

My best mate, who is a girl, used to always say the same thing to me and her mother was saying it to.

The only reason I think she is saying it is because she feels she can confide in you with things like boys, relationships etc. You are more like a brother / gay mate to her

I would still visit her but I wouldn;t have too much expectations, perhaps make it clearer how you are feeling

Wibbs

hlpofferd makes a good point. You know her so long and have been a mate to her, it's quite possible, if not likely there's no horn for you from her. Still best to ask her anyway. Future reference though, if you like a woman, tell her or show her as early on as possible.

Clare_Guy

Bob in Belfast wrote: »

You should ask this girl out but if she says no, i reckon you're in with the mother.

Brilliant!... F***ing Brilliant!....

TouchingVirus

Wibbs wrote: »

Future reference though, if you like a woman, tell her or show her as early on as possible.

Subtlety...remember the subtlety

4Xcut

To be honest it sounds like your the kind of guy she'd marry.

The real question is whether she is looking for a husband at the moment or not.

Buzz Buzz

Toots85 wrote: »

THB, it sounds like this girl likes you as more than a friend. Make sure you visit her when she's away! I think she said what she said to kinda test the water and see what way u reacted ie: If you'd gone 'Oh Jesus, that's a terrible idea! It'd be like marrying my sister! Ewwww!!' She'd have known you weren't keen on the idea :rolleyes:

Would you be open to the idea of a relationship with this girl? Visit her, and see how things go when you do. As I said, it sounds to me like this girl has stronger feelings for you.

Totally agree, I got the same line from one of my really good friends, so took the chance and had a shot at her.. but then got the whole 'ya, I do like you, but I'm not ready for something to happen with you just yet'..?? So I hooked up with her best friend and that put her back in her box.

LegacyUser

Thanks to everyone for all the great comments!

greenkittie wrote: »

I think it means she thinks of you as a nice guy she would like to end up with just before she hits 30 after shes gone traveling and had her naughty way with all the bad boys out there...

Haha, you got it pretty close I think, I'm more of a nice guy than a bad boy!

Toots85 wrote: »

THB, it sounds like this girl likes you as more than a friend. Make sure you visit her when she's away! I think she said what she said to kinda test the water and see what way u reacted ie: If you'd gone 'Oh Jesus, that's a terrible idea! It'd be like marrying my sister! Ewwww!!' She'd have known you weren't keen on the idea

Would you be open to the idea of a relationship with this girl? Visit her, and see how things go when you do. As I said, it sounds to me like this girl has stronger feelings for you.

Oh, I'm definitely going to visit and I'd be more than open to the idea! Only thing I'm worried about is this guy she's with. I dunno if I made it very clear, but they are definitely together at the minute, I think she just likes being "single".

Wibbs wrote: »

Ask her straight out. Sound too simple? It is and then you know what's what and you can end up going with her or you have a bit of mutual embarrassment and continue on as before. If you don't ask you'll never know.

Simple indeed! Though due to her current relationship with this other guy, I'm wondering should I maybe try and do things gradually, start making my intentions clear and showing them in actions and see what feedback I get from that?

Bob in Belfast wrote: »

You should ask this girl out but if she says no, i reckon you're in with the mother.

Haha, I'll make sure to keep that in mind

hlpofferd wrote: »

I reckon she may think you are Gay!

My best mate, who is a girl, used to always say the same thing to me and her mother was saying it to.

The only reason I think she is saying it is because she feels she can confide in you with things like boys, relationships etc. You are more like a brother / gay mate to her

I would still visit her but I wouldn;t have too much expectations, perhaps make it clearer how you are feeling

I see your point, but when I was asked for advice by her, it was one incidence, and actually has never happened before or since (I don't like to pry!), but i just wanted to illustrate we are quite close.

I think I will start to be a bit clearer about my feelings. Cheers!

LegacyUser

4Xcut wrote: »

To be honest it sounds like your the kind of guy she'd marry.

The real question is whether she is looking for a husband at the moment or not.

That's a really good point, I didn't think about it that way before. I'll have to keep it in mind, now mightn't be the right time, but that time may come down the road. That's making me worry a lot less about rejection now!

Balmed Out

i wouldnt go asking her on a date or anything like that, if u do and she says no itll be awkward being friends. go out with her have a few drinks pay her a few compliments and see how she responds, make a move if u think its going well. Do this when merry not drunk though.

Zombrex

Unusualcomment wrote: »

"My mom thinks I should marry you".

Been in exactly the same situation with nearly the exact same line (mine was "My mom thinks you are really handsome, she thinks we would make a great couple"), read that to mean that she fancied me, went for it and got shot down.

She explained that she was "just being nice", and that she was trying say that I'm "really sweet" ... d'oh :eek:

So my advice is that she might be seriously flirting with you, but equally she might not be.

I think some girls just don't think about how guys can interpret things like this. They think they are just saying something nice and cute, we think they are flirting.

tbh

Unusualcomment wrote: »

Though due to her current relationship with this other guy, I'm wondering should I maybe try and do things gradually, start making my intentions clear and showing them in actions and see what feedback I get from that?

Giving yourself plenty of time to back down if you sense rejection before you make your intentions TOO clear eh?

Listen. Asking a girl out is a measure of how much you want to be with her. If you REALLY want to ask her out, you'll ask her out. Make a call. Either ask her out, or forget about her.

The fact that she raised the point twice i think is an indicator that she's curious as to how you'd react. Next time she says it, say "well, I could think of worse things", see how she reacts. A raised eyebrow means you're in.

Drift

It's definitely either:

A:

greenkittie wrote: »

I think it means she thinks of you as a nice guy she would like to end up with just before she hits 30 after shes gone traveling and had her naughty way with all the bad boys out there...

or B:

Wicknight wrote: »

She explained that she was "just being nice", and that she was trying say that I'm "really sweet" ... d'oh :eek:

The only problem is it can be very difficult to identify which. She is definitely saying it to see how you react. You've been non-commital which has no doubt kept her wondering - not necessarily a bad thing . If she says it again soon you should pursue the conversation until it gets to a stage where you've got it narrowed down to a) Mom likes you so much she'd let the two of us at it under her roof or b) Mom likes you so much I think you'd be able to distract her with a cup of tea while I'm at it with someone else under her roof

Of course if she's vague next time its brought up or if it isn't brought up again you have to go through the usual thought process of "Do I want to a relationship with her enough to risk having the balls to ask her out?"

LegacyUser

Cheers again for all the advice and comments

Drift wrote: »

Of course if she's vague next time its brought up or if it isn't brought up again you have to go through the usual thought process of "Do I want to a relationship with her enough to risk having the balls to ask her out?"

This question really sums it up, and my answer is yes, I do want to have a relationship with her enough to take the plunge and ask her out. I guess it's just a matter of booking my flights over to see her and to go from there!

dresden8

Nice, keeping you dangling while riding another bloke. Sounds like quite a catch.

WhiteWashMan

Unusualcomment wrote: »

This is my first post here, I'd like some advice but will try and cut out anything that's not relevant and make it short!

Firstly I'm 20. I've been friends with this girl for 4 years at this stage. In school, we were both part of the same group of friends, were often in each others houses with other friends or over at our other friends' houses. I have always had a bit of a thing for her, but never really pursued it much, just what I thought I could get away with without showing the extent of my true feelings, nothing too obvious.

So we both ended up going to college in different places. We still remained good friends, but just wouldn't see each other as much as before. As in she was still close enough to ask me for advice with her relationship: about this time last year, she had been with a guy for a bit, but things were a bit shaky and she confided this in me. I tried to help her out and gave her some advice.

So, last summer, we're out together one night, with other friends of ours. We're both a little bit tipsy, not drunk by any means. At one point during the night, when we weren't near anyone else she says to me "You know, my mom would love if I married you." As far as I recall, it came in the middle of other conversation, and wasn't out of the blue, but I was a bit surprised by it and just laughed it off.
Then a couple of weeks back, she was having a going away party as she was going to college abroad for 5 months. During the evening, she calls me aside as she said she hadn't gotten a chance to chat to me yet. So we're having a drink, chatting away to each other, and again in the course of conversation, she again says "My mom thinks I should marry you". Again, it wasn't completely unnatural in the flow of conversation, but I think I should just laughed it off again.

I'm wondering what, if anything, is behind these comments. Both times it came as we were having a chat as friends, no flirting going on from me (or her as far as I could tell) but we had both had a few drinks at the times. She's been on and off with the guy I mentioned previously for a bit over a year. Even though it appears more on of late, she would still class herself as single. And now she's gone away for several months. When she called me aside, she did say how special I was to her and she'd love for me to visit, which may have been the main reason for calling me aside. I'd really appreciate any of your takes on the situation! Sorry about the length/scattered thoughts!

ask her.

islander35

thats cute, most men would prob run a million miles tho!!!