My guts are in flitters. Help me, please help me!

trout

I had a rugby match yesterday, during the course of which I got concussed.

So, I was subbed off, and left to my own devices on the sidelines. Grand.

Now, we have a new coach, full of new ideas about fitness and auld blather like eating fruit and stuff. Horse-sh1te!. This coach brings fruit to the games, and encourages the more impressionable members of the team to eat fruit at half time.

So, long story short, I was on the sideline, in my concussed state, I ate all the satsumas for the entire team. There must have been 15 little orange bastids in the bag, and I ate every last one of them

Now, 24 hours later, my head is fine ... concussion has cleared completely ... but my guts are in flitters. I have been to the loo at least 10 times, shipping rusty water each time. :mad:

How can I restore normal function ? Advice please Brothers & Sisters. Help me!

Dr Strange

trout wrote: »

I had a rugby match yesterday, during the course of which I got concussed.

So, I was subbed off, and left to my own devices on the sidelines. Grand.

Now, we have a new coach, full of new ideas about fitness and auld blather like eating fruit and stuff. Horse-sh1te!. This coach brings fruit to the games, and encourages the more impressionable members of the team to eat fruit at half time.

So, long story short, I was on the sideline, in my concussed state, I ate all the satsumas for the entire team. There must have been 15 little orange bastids in the bag, and I ate every last one of them

Now, 24 hours later, my head is fine ... concussion has cleared completely ... but my guts are in flitters. I have been to the loo at least 10 times, shipping rusty water each time. :mad:

How can I restore normal function ? Advice please Brothers & Sisters. Help me!

Oh dear. At least the concussion speaks for you. Otherwise I would have worried that you ate ...f..fru....something healthy. Anyways you will have to pay for your little adventure into the realm of citric stuff. Just take it. Or, and that's almost as bad...eat something fibrous. Muscle fibres in steak etc don't count. Has to be something like cereal and maybe linseed. I can feel the pain

_blank_

trout wrote: »

Advice please Brothers & Sisters.

Surely the answer is obvious.

Stop eating fruit.

trout wrote: »

Help me!

You not only eat fruit, but a whole bag of it, and you come here looking for help?

Get our of it, you get all you deserve in this life Brother trout.

trout

In my defence ... I was concussed.

I thought they were pies ... and I wanted to be the man who ate all the pies :rolleyes:

Santa Claus

15 satsumas....you must have had to hold onto the seat with both hands to avoid taking off !!!

Have 2 slices of white bread......with about 3 rashers between them.
Also you could get the nearest wimmen to get you some immodium or arret which will clog you up a bit again.

Also suggest your coach bring some rasher sambos for half time next week 15 of those would do you no harm !

Tom Dunne

DesF wrote: »

Get our of it, you get all you deserve in this life Brother trout.

In fairness, Brother Des, Brother Trout was concussed, he had lost all control of his faculties. It's not his fault.

So, Brother Trout, the only answer is to flush this horrid stuff out of your system. The only way to do that is with a feed of Guinness.

Dr Strange

trout wrote: »

In my defence ... I was concussed.

I thought they were pies ... and I wanted to be the man who ate all the pies :rolleyes:

But the taste Brother Trout. The TASTE! :eek:

Anyway, immodium is ok but for the real man the good old coal tablets. We had them as kids. :rolleyes:

trout

I won't be able to get any Guiness into me for a few hours more.

To my further shame, there are no rashers in the house ... so I had to make do with meatball & cheese breadrolls, with gravy on one side, and ketchup on the other side. Tasteh!

I'm not sure I can live with the shame of being the only prop forward in Ireland to eat fruit ... pa trout must be spinning in his grave

I apologise Brothers ... I truly didn't know what I was doing. In my defence, I had taken out their first prop ... and was working on their substitute, when I decided to lead with my head into their entire pack. The lads were proud of me though ... apparently, even while I was unconscious, I had a death grip on their prop who was completely freaking out at the situation. Crying like a little girl. Fupp him :cool:

Zaph

Here you go Brother trout

bronte

Ooh christ...such a predicament.
Cereal is your friend

trout

Update. Trip 11. Maltesers.

Small mercies. (hah! didja see what I did there?)

Steyr

Plenty of Water OP.

arybvtcw0eolkf

Fruit ferments a turns to alcohol, stop whinging and suck up the pain.

legspin

A more pertinant question would be, WTF were you doing exercising?

The concussion was just the first half of the kharmic retribution you brought by shaming us with unwarranted exertion. The second half was the righteous vengance of the true path showing what happens to you on "healthy" foods.

Get down on that bowl and thank the universe for saving you.

I agree with Brother Legspin here. Although Rugby is a fine game to watch, it is a true Brothers duty not to participate in sporty exertion type things. Pa Trout is probably turning in his grave!

FunkZ

Two 12 inch pizzas, 12 cans and a litre of vodka is all that can save you know!

smashey

Heh. A prop forward leads with the head and gets concussed. How?

Props have no feelings from the neck up.

As for the fruit...

Serves you right.

renmorescout

Take two large spoonfuls of bisto powder !!
It browns and thickens !!!! Ouch.

ruthiedv

It's a bit late to do anything now, but if you happen to get concussed and eat 15 oranges ever again,I can help prevent the fallout:
Our greedy Basset puppy ate a hyacinth on Saturday(which is highly poisonous) and when I phoned the vet, he told me to take her outside and throw washing soda crystals down her throat until the hyacinth reappeared.Which it did after about 3 small handfuls.Very effective, and I'm sure it works for oranges too:D

ruthiedv

Or you could go with the cork idea.

Santa Claus

legspin wrote: »

A more pertinant question would be, WTF were you doing exercising?

In fairness playing rugby as a prop is more of a slow walk to different parts of the pitch as opposed to exercise. And then when you get cold you huddle together with a few other forwards for warmth.

I'm a 2nd row and wish I was a prop....they actually expect us to run around and worse still we have to put our head very close to props arses which is an activity which sould warrant danger pay !

Why do we all do it ? for the piss up afterwards of course (not that you need an excuse to get pissed, but it's a way of organising 15 guys together to get pissed)

Jesus Wept

Santa Claus wrote: »

And then when you get cold you huddle together with a few other forwards for warmth.

Huddle is one letter off cuddle. It's no coincidence.

legspin

Santa Claus wrote: »

In fairness playing rugby as a prop is more of a slow walk to different parts of the pitch as opposed to exercise. And then when you get cold you huddle together with a few other forwards for warmth.

I'm a 2nd row and wish I was a prop....they actually expect us to run around and worse still we have to put our head very close to props arses which is an activity which sould warrant danger pay !

Why do we all do it ? for the piss up afterwards of course (not that you need an excuse to get pissed, but it's a way of organising 15 guys together to get pissed)

Listen Grasshopper, you had better be going bald 'coz if you play second row then you don't have the necessary gut to be lecturing here. As a former tight-head I am well aware of the energy expenditure (or lack thereof) but Brother Trout is of the sages and senior elders here and should have known better. There are youngsters here who look up to his example and this was no way to behave.

And speaking of danger pay, you may have your head disconcertingly close to the arse of a prop, but we have to put up with some awkward all-fingers-and-thumbs lock with his hand between our legs (if he knows what he is doing). Don't talk to me about danger.

Santa Claus

legspin wrote: »

And speaking of danger pay, you may have your head disconcertingly close to the arse of a prop, but we have to put up with some awkward all-fingers-and-thumbs lock with his hand between our legs (if he knows what he is doing). Don't talk to me about danger.

The arse of a prop is a much more dangerous weapon than the hands of a lock. I bet the 2nd rows on brother trouts team will be very careful of where the put their heads/hands when they hear of his bathroom exploits !

I did my time in the front row in my youth, but at the end of the day no matter how mighty the gut...too much height will get even the fattest moved to the 2nd row !

old boy

brother trout any more of that rugby and you could find yourself in the fitness forum, leading impressionable youngsters astray, playing games, but then mabey you were trying to impress some of the clubhouse eye candy, then thats adifferent kettle of fish, now own up or be evicted