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My mind is driving me crazy

  • 11-01-2008 5:58am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I have an issue with a couple friends, and it'll probably sound fairly childish, and that's why its hard to talk to people, so i end up here.

    My 2 best friends, from different places in life, who have never even liked eachother much, have all of a sudden become great friends. The problem is that i found out that they were hanging out and keeping it from me. We've gone through this, I've told them how much that hurt me, and all i ask is that i'm invited (which i had a baby this year so i know i can't go hang out all the time, but just the thought). And they say that i was never not included, that i'm turning it into a bigger deal than it is. Then they moved in together (briefly) without telling me.
    One of them seems to be rubbing the new friendship in my face, the other not so much, but with facebook i find it hard not to watch their conversations together, and i find myself constantly upset and wondering if right now they are out and not answering their phones when i call, and laughing about it.
    The amount of emotional energy that i've been putting into this is escalating and i can't continue this way. One day i want to scream at them "f-you" and the next day i want to beg them for their friendship.
    I've heard that most people get hurt by friends in the beginning of starting a family, is this normal? How do you deal with it? Please, some advice before i rip my hair out.


Comments

  • #2
    How Strange
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,339 ✭✭✭How Strange


    OP, why do you think both these friends would be so bitchy and mean to you? Is that the type of friendship you had with them - friends to their face and bitch about them when they weren't around - and thats what they did to you? Just curious about why you are expecting the worst from them.

    I think its natural for your nose to be out of joint a little, afterall, you were the main contact for both of them. I suppose its like when two of your friends start dating; all of a sudden you go from being in the middle to being on the outside.

    I've been in the situation before of making friends with a friend of a friend and we disliked each other for a long time before. It drove the mutual friend crazy but we didn't rub her face it in. What we did was not speak about because, as I said, the mutual friend used to go a bit dullally when she found out we met up for a drink or whatever.

    Maybe that's why your friends haven't said anything to you - because they know how you will react.

    Obviously, the rational side of you knows that they are quite entitled to be friends and this is your thing to resolve. I'd say try to put it behind you and accept that the dymanic in the relationship between you three has changed and instead of being the friend in common now you are all equal.


  • #3
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    How Strange wrote: »
    Obviously, the rational side of you knows that they are quite entitled to be friends and this is your thing to resolve. I'd say try to put it behind you and accept that the dymanic in the relationship between you three has changed and instead of being the friend in common now you are all equal.

    Couldn't have put it better myself:) And don't torture yourself by trawling through posts in Facebook. Make an effort to keep in touch with both of them and see them as much as you can. I really doubt they are bitching about you OP, I think you have wound yourself up into this state unnecessarily.


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