So I told her to f**k off.

LegacyUser

Yeah, i finally told my ex to **** off from my life yesterday after a little confrontation we had n she ended up pissing me off.
Told her to stop interfering with my life and just go away. Telling her i hope i'ld never see her and here from her again.

I couldn't believe i'ld be saying such things to the person i once loved more than anything else in my life. And now all i feel is this hate towards her.
I have all these negative thoughts towards her in my mind, i don't feel very healthy about.
I want her destroyed, i don't want her happy, i feel jealousy and hate.

But i don't wanna feel this way. I just wanna wish the best for her and let go. Although i feel all this rage inside of me, i know i don't want her in any bad situation.
I just feel like a mess. Its been a quite a while since we've broken up. I don't love her anymore. I don't care for her anymore. I wanna stop thinking bout her as a b***h. I just wanna forget her and move on completely from all that mess.

And there are thoughts that keep bothering me all the time. Thoughts of her and her new guy together. Thoughts of them doing things together, them sleeping together and all. I just can't help to keep them from bothering me. I can't help from sometimes feeling i blew up on something good i had and i should have been in the place of the guy she's currently with. I'm scared of crashing while she flies above me.

I know i can do much better than her. She wasn't the best person for me. I know all of that but i feel i can't just get over all the harsh facts in front of me. I feel left behind a lot. She is with a new guy now and has moved on, while i'm still here trying to fight away her demons. A lot of people have told me to find a new girl for myself. Well, i wish i could but i still haven't succeeded with that yet. Neither did i want to get along with a girl just to get over my ex.

Right now i don't know what exactly to do to get over all of these things and completely forget n move away from my ex. I've tried a lot of things over the past months n i'm still here. I'm also tired of waiting for this hate in me to die away. I don't know how much my latest action of telling her to **** off has helped with this. Probably only made it worse!
Maybe a new girl in my life will help me get over all of this. Maybe all i can do is wait for her. Maybe...

yermandan

Hi pal sorry to hear that you are going through your turmoil at the moment...but could you please give more background information so more rounded advice can be given to you!!

Cheers

adsgirl

Time to just move on, if as you say you don't love her anymore, you don't stop thinking about an ex overnight and it can take a while to completly move on, but it would seem you already havein one respect.
Telling her to f*** off out of your life has drawn a line under any further contact with her, so just give yourself time and the rage and jealousy will pass.
Goodluck.

Beetlebum

I know how you feel and unfortunately the only way to overcome the anger and jealousy is to give it time and have no contact at all with her. I was in your position a few months ago. I was consumed by hatred for my ex because of the things he did to me. It was a very bad ending to an equally bad relationship but it still hurt like hell to think of him with someone else. The fact that I knew one of the girls he was with didn't help matters either!
Anyway, I just rode it out and I got through it. I'm not sure how or when I finally let go, it just kinda happened. I woke up one day and realised I didn't give a f*ck anymore. I never thought I'd stop having feelings for him, be it hatred, love, anger, jealousy or all of the above but I honestly don't care anymore. I'm not with someone new either, although I hear that helps speed the process along. It makes sense cause your thoughts would be preoccupied with the new instead of the old.
Basically it comes down to time, time, no contact and time.
Good luck, you're gonna be fine. Have faith that the world will turn things around for you.

Overheal

Yeah one day before long you will wake up and realise it just doesnt get to you anymore or that its a mere shadow of what it used to be. Just know that its going to take some time to sleep on the experience and put it all into place. It will happen over a moderate length of time - you will have to remember to continue your day life or else it will all go to ****.

Liam Byrne

Having been headwrecked for about a month with VERY confusing and mixed signals, I know the feeling......hating what someone put you through, yet still having the memories of the good bits and loving them for that, and not knowing how much of what they told you was true, or why they told you; to confide and get things back on track or to get you to dump them in disgust....?

I did wake up one day last week and smelt the coffee, wondering "what WAS I thinking putting up with that ? And that ? And that ?" and I thought I was through the tunnel, but one or two things that day threw me again.

I guess it is just time that gets you through it.....but if a few weeks gets that tentative result, then roll on a month's time or so, when the bits that threw me won't do that anymore....

paul_ire57

its horrible to have to let time take care of this but thats all you can do. you have made your stance and things should be crystal clear to your ex to stay out so fingers crossed you wont have to go through more crap like that again

best of luck

Paul

LegacyUser

I guess it is time i need away from my ex.

Its been a good few months since we've broken up but everytime i felt i had moved on and was doing fine with my life, my ex contacts me, she tries to be friends, it doesn't workout and it all messes me up and i feel i'm back at square one.

Similar thing happened last month but towards the end i told her to go away n not come back. She sorta replied to that a couple of days ago saying i was the one who lost her n she considers our relationship as a mistake n stuff... It wasn't a very pretty text. Anyway, i sorta laughed it off but she sorta came around a little abusive n stuff. It sorta pissed me off and i told her to **** off n not to come back around.

It probably is the end of everything that was left between us. She's not there anymore and I'm trying to make my way out of it all. Its just i'm really sick of this girl, sick of her thoughts, sick of all the things related to her, sick of all the things that remind me of her!
I just wish i could get rid of it all and completely forget her like it all never happened but it doesn't seem that easy. Her demons won't easily go away... I dunno if they'll ever go away.

Liam Byrne

maninthemess wrote: »

Her demons won't easily go away... I dunno if they'll ever go away.

Sounds like there's a major issue in there somewhere ?? Won't pry, but talking about someone's "demons" rings alarm bells from here. Demons can be one of two things - a genuine issue that gets in the way (and if so you can both try to get through it together) or a crutch...an excuse for someone to cop out and be a victim for their whole life, or as it seems in this case an excuse for her to regularly wreck your head.

But since you're saying you want out and rid of her it doesn't sound like there was a chance, so you probably did the right thing. She has to - and has to want to - deal with those demons herself. Been there, done that, and eventually realised that there was no point considering I wasn't wanted (at least 50% of the time); if I was, I'd've stuck it out, but I wasn't. You can't save the world.

estar

step one - you can't be friends with someone you hate. she doesnt make you happy and the right person will. you didnt throw it away, if it was right, you
wouldnt have ended up in the situation to throw it away. either you are not ready to find the right person yet, or she wasnt the right person for you

step two - find a new goal. fitness, art, seeing every band in dublin, wine appreciation. or better still a combination of all of them. re-invent yourself.
make yourself more interesting. so that you can say - im happy we broke up because now i know how to X and met all these people doing X.

step three - no contact no contact no contact. that doesnt mean telling her to f*** off. it means not replying to texts, emails and phone calls. at all. ever. you were lovers not friends. you cannot be friends with someone you
were so clearly involved with so soon, if ever, since it seems to have ended badly.

step four - the negative feelings of hate, and unhappiness are because you are unhappy in yourself. what is it in your life that makes you unhappy so
that you are afraid of her enjoying her life, and flying above you as you put it.

step five - if you are experiencing such negative feelings, write them down, read them back and think about them, it will help you to get over them.

step six - rebound relationships sometimes cause more drama than the original as your judgement can be really off. hang out with friends that like you and know you and make you feel good about yourself instead.

why do you know all these details about your ex? it isnt healthy either for you or for her to need to share all these details with each other. you are torturing yourself.

LegacyUser

estar wrote: »

step one - you can't be friends with someone you hate. she doesnt make you happy and the right person will. you didnt throw it away, if it was right, you
wouldnt have ended up in the situation to throw it away. either you are not ready to find the right person yet, or she wasnt the right person for you

step two - find a new goal. fitness, art, seeing every band in dublin, wine appreciation. or better still a combination of all of them. re-invent yourself.
make yourself more interesting. so that you can say - im happy we broke up because now i know how to X and met all these people doing X.

step three - no contact no contact no contact. that doesnt mean telling her to f*** off. it means not replying to texts, emails and phone calls. at all. ever. you were lovers not friends. you cannot be friends with someone you
were so clearly involved with so soon, if ever, since it seems to have ended badly.

step four - the negative feelings of hate, and unhappiness are because you are unhappy in yourself. what is it in your life that makes you unhappy so
that you are afraid of her enjoying her life, and flying above you as you put it.

step five - if you are experiencing such negative feelings, write them down, read them back and think about them, it will help you to get over them.

step six - rebound relationships sometimes cause more drama than the original as your judgement can be really off. hang out with friends that like you and know you and make you feel good about yourself instead.

why do you know all these details about your ex? it isnt healthy either for you or for her to need to share all these details with each other. you are torturing yourself.

Thanks for that.

Its mostly the negative feelings i'm concerned about. They are the things that keep haunting my head everytime something reminds me of her.
I didn't share any details with her, it was always her who wanted to be "honest" with me and let me know everything bout what she was upto. All those details did was mess me up.

I haven't had a proper conversation with her in a month until she texted me 2 days ago. Even that i didn't really reply to that text until she came around again and i told her to **** off.
Hoping if i would use those words, she'll actually leave me alone and go away for ever. I was just seriously sick of her, everything about her and everything related to her.

I do feel much free when she's not in my life. I have much more time to do things i enjoy. But i do feel like a loser sometimes. Like the whole she's moved on with a new boyfriend and i'm still stuck here..

Its these little things i wanna get rid off. And the thoughts bout her and her new boyfriend that make me sick and i find hard to get over...

I guess i need to get myself more involved in other activities and hope these things fade away with time...

LegacyUser

I've been there and i know its a horrible place. After a girl dumping me and her wanting to stay friends (i was devistated, she wasnt, still to this day im sure she was cheating) i ended up telling her something along the lines of '**** off you slut i never want to see you again'. Very very nasty end to what had once been a great relationship.

Anyway fast forward 3 years from that incident, which took me about a year to get over, and i had been with a few girls and was starting in on my dream career (basically i had a totally differant lifestyle), i met her randomly on the street a few months ago (first time we'd seen each other/spoken in 3 years) and it was great, we were happy to see each other. all negative bitter feelings were long gone and we're now friends.

Moral of the story - give it time, all your feelings of hurt and animosity towards her will fade and you will be able to get on with your life.

best of luck!